How Do I Turn Warm Interactions Into Actual Dates?

[Arnav]

Hi everyone,

I am having problems converting warm interactions to dates.

I’m able to approach women comfortably — the conversation flows, there’s warmth, we connect, and they share their number without hesitation. But the next day, things shift. They turn cold or become unresponsive over text.

Could someone break down my mistakes and guide me on how and where to improve?”

Here’s the interaction for reference:

see a girl as I enter the subway


Me: hey I just saw you passing by and I think your dressing sense is pretty good
she:thanks
Me: my name is arnav by the way, and yours?
she:suzie
Me: nice to meet you suzie


shake hands*
[get on the escalator while continuing to talk}
Me: what is this board you are carying , it's so big. (pointing to the board)
she: this is for my class, i
Me: for your class, what do you study?
she: I am doing fine arts,
Me: oh really? you are an artist?
she: yes
Me: ohh nice
Me: I am also studying something creatived, I am pursuing studying design and branding
she: okay
[ the train arrives]
she is standing at the womens section, so I move her to the general section
me: hey lets move over there
{ she follows me and we get on the general section of the train}
me: so what kind of classes do you take , do you do a bit of everything?
she: yes things like painting, sketching, collages.
me: oh wow, pretty cool
she: so how did you get into this course? did you always wanted to do this?
she: I actually had to take an entrace exam, so there were a lot of things I had to study, and give a test which was pretty hard.
( she has become really warm now talking to me, has a very bright smile and seems to be very comfortable with me now )
me: really what did they have on the test? did you have make paintings and sketches
she: no , it was a written test and then later on when I passed I had to make the sketches and paintings
she: it's things like this - she starts showing some of her work on her own from her phone gallery
me: okay these are pretty good, you made these
she: yeah
me: pretty cool
she: she opens another folder of her sketches and paintings and this time hands me her phone
me: wow these are pretty good, you are really good at this ( I say while holding her phone in my hand)
me: so did you always have natural talent or did you have to practice a lot
she: I used to sketch a lot, then I started doing painting and things like in my coursse
( she still has the brigh warm smile , she seems to be like my presenece)
me: I open my phone gallery and show some of my own graphic design to her, I also used do creative stuff, I do branding and design work


show her some of my stuff*
she: yeah there are some students in my college who do these kinds of things branding and stuff
me: okay
me: I used to sketch as well when I was growing up, it takes a lot of time right
she: yes when I start sketching, I am just doing that for long periods of time.
me: how long does it take to make sketches like these
she: i think this one took about a week
me: a week, that's a long time
she: laughs, yeah I just keep working on them
me: I know it can feel really statifying an mentalloy soothing write when you are sketching
she: yes
me: and especially when you show it to other people, it's really hearting to see thei reactions
she: smiling yes
me: so what else do you do when you are free apart form sketching and painting
she: nothing, I just sleep ( laughing)
me: sleep , really noting else
she: no, I just get really tired form the week doing all of the course work
me: ohh yess, I can understand
me: what do your parents think about your course, are they supportive
she: yess, my father works textile design and so he keeps guiding me in how to do stuff and encouraging me
me: okay that's pretty good then, having family that's supportive of your endavours or it can get pretty difficult
she: yes
me: so what are you going to do when you graduate are you going to be artist with shows
she: no I was thinking of going into textile desing with my father
( she is looking at me with dreamy eyes now , with a very warm smile , has a slight blush on her face)
me: so how did you start doing this by the way , did you have moment in early childhood when you coudl see your talent
she: no actually in 9th class, I would make sketch potraits of my mother and other realtives
me: ohh really?
she: yesss
me: so they would look at your sketches and could see your talent and therefore encourage you
she: yeahh, that's right

I touch her hand and say hey what kidn of ring is this, she blushes wheb I touch her and a slight giggle
Her: ohh my mom gave it to me
(I keep holding her hand for 2-3 secs more)
Me: ohh so it seems like a really simple copper ring no intricate deisgns
She: yeah , I wear it cause my mom told me to wear it
Me: okayy (leave her hand)

me: I actually used to watch a television show , it was about teaching children how to do cool artistic paintings in simple ways
do you know abou ttaht show?
she: no
me: okay it's an old one, but yeah that's how I sratred painint and doing creative stuff
me: where do you get off by the way
she: at station xyz
me: station xyz , you have your college at the abc area
she: yes it's behind the abc area actually
me: Oh okay, I also get off there I have to meet a friend there
{ some people get in the train I move aside and there is naturall lull in the conversation}
she gets neutral
me: i move close to her gain and then rengage
she: she gets happy again as I talk to her again
me: you know what I really like about you is that you such a diverse artist, learning so many differente forms of art - oil painting, sketching, collages {qualifying her}
she: acknolges my qualification nods
{our staiton comes we get off together still talking}
me: you know what I don't like is that people don't usually appreciate art and crativity it adds so much to society
she: yes
me: so what kind of financial potential is there after you graduate though, are you going to make clothing and fasshion items
she: yes I will go into printing design with my father
me: okay you could make good money doing that, what do you usually do with money though do you like shoping for clothes and things like that
she: noo not really
me: oh okayy so you like to save and invest moneyh
she: noo , I am the opposite I usualyl end up spending a lot ( laughs)
me: really on what?
she: on art supplies, colors burhes
me: okay so everytthing in your life reveolves around art
she: laughs yeah, I have to buy some expensive brushes and usually they are imported from china
me: okay
me: so what does your father say about your paintings, is her impressed
she: no he teaches me a lot , he is actually better than me
me: oh really
she: yes

we are walking outside at the subway exit bridge now*
me: hey actually I have to go this way
but we should meet ouside sometimes
she: yeah ofcouse ( no hesitation, or push back pretty chill and willing)
me: okay are you on whatss app?
she: yes
me: okay- what's your number?
she: gives me her number
me: what was your name again, I forgot
she: I have 2 names peoploe in my home call me suzie and outside rose
me: okay
me: okay well, it was great meeting you , you are such a talentede arits, ( I say this with high postive anergy smliing warmly to end on a good positive energy)
she: thanks , (is smiling and warm as well)

we part ways*

 

[KJ Francis]

some KJ (keyboard jockey) thoughts...

first off, nice work man. seems like you have a talent for this honestly. in our under-socialized world, she was probably floating on air a bit after.

hopefully someone with more field experience will chime in, but some things that stood out:

- M3 sequencing mistake. you are launching right into comfort building, which is the land of the "nice guy". you are definitely still doing a lot of good stuff like touching her, getting close, leading things forward, etc. so I'm not saying you're a "nice guy" who hides his intention... but a lot of her warmth may be coming from the general socializing, same as if an elderly woman had shown interest and made her feel good.

- pretty much the same as above, this has been discussed on the forum and a lot of guys have done the same, which is deep diving too early in the short interaction, and then the bubble pops and she has a major state shift. but you haven't built the flirty vibe. I think the solution is to focus instead on the teasing and flirting for a solid chunk of time first (A2). then yes some qualification AFTER that (A3). build trust and comfort if you have time to be seated as you were (C1). but not go full deep dive unless you have hit the previous steps and even then don't go super deep unless there's time for a proper date (C2). and if you do not have time to sit on a subway etc., I think the consensus has been to keep it to a few minutes max and maintain some mystery/fantasy rather than try to stretch it out.

[check Karea's post #14 here just to get a sense of how much the stages can affect strategy in general: https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...-kind-of-girls-do-you-like.27631/#post-162554]

- and lastly was it seems you are forcing commonalities a little bit. I think you may be trying to relate back to her, which is great. but I would focus that more on feelings than factual commonalities. and something I learned from Chase is it's way more powerful to NOT disclose it when she says it, but then slip it in later. then it doesn't feel to her like you're trying to impress her. opening up about your identity is also more of a C1 thing because at that point she has earned your interest (A3) before you really start connecting.

if you have any texting examples too it might help to share. hopefully you are sending an icebreaker soon after parting to keep up the texting momentum.

and is this all from memory or is it word for word exact from a transcription of audio?

awesome to see so much detail. not enough people do that, and the more raw data the better.

 

[OldGuy]

Chase suggests going for the date before the phone. Ask her to get together for drinks, tea, something and then get her Whatapp.

 

[Arnav]

Chase suggests going for the date before the phone. Ask her to get together for drinks, tea, something and then get her Whatapp.

Ohh yess, i asked for the date first - if she would like to meet me outside sometime, when she said yes. That's when I asked for her no. and whatss app

 

[Arnav]

some KJ (keyboard jockey) thoughts...

first off, nice work man. seems like you have a talent for this honestly. in our under-socialized world, she was probably floating on air a bit after.

hopefully someone with more field experience will chime in, but some things that stood out:

- M3 sequencing mistake. you are launching right into comfort building, which is the land of the "nice guy". you are definitely still doing a lot of good stuff like touching her, getting close, leading things forward, etc. so I'm not saying you're a "nice guy" who hides his intention... but a lot of her warmth may be coming from the general socializing, same as if an elderly woman had shown interest and made her feel good.

- pretty much the same as above, this has been discussed on the forum and a lot of guys have done the same, which is deep diving too early in the short interaction, and then the bubble pops and she has a major state shift. but you haven't built the flirty vibe. I think the solution is to focus instead on the teasing and flirting for a solid chunk of time first (A2). then yes some qualification AFTER that (A3). build trust and comfort if you have time to be seated as you were (C1). but not go full deep dive unless you have hit the previous steps and even then don't go super deep unless there's time for a proper date (C2). and if you do not have time to sit on a subway etc., I think the consensus has been to keep it to a few minutes max and maintain some mystery/fantasy rather than try to stretch it out.

[check Karea's post #14 here just to get a sense of how much the stages can affect strategy in general: https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...-kind-of-girls-do-you-like.27631/#post-162554]

- and lastly was it seems you are forcing commonalities a little bit. I think you may be trying to relate back to her, which is great. but I would focus that more on feelings than factual commonalities. and something I learned from Chase is it's way more powerful to NOT disclose it when she says it, but then slip it in later. then it doesn't feel to her like you're trying to impress her. opening up about your identity is also more of a C1 thing because at that point she has earned your interest (A3) before you really start connecting.

if you have any texting examples too it might help to share. hopefully you are sending an icebreaker soon after parting to keep up the texting momentum.

and is this all from memory or is it word for word exact from a transcription of audio?

awesome to see so much detail. not enough people do that, and the more raw data the better.

Thanks for the feedback francis, you seem pretty spot on with you analysis- it matches my experience.

I am able to get girls comfortable pretty well now and get them talking. I can see th gaping hole of teasing and flirting in the begining now.

Also could you explain what you meant by

1) I am forcing comonalities , and that i should relate with feelings rather than factual commonalities.

2) And to not dicslose commonalities but slip it layer on

 

[KJ Francis]

For sure man. Ok so A2 is female to male interest. And this is done by showing DHV's, which is displays of highER value than her (not just high value). It relates to SMV, sexual MARKETPLACE value. A market is an interaction between many actors in a supply and demand model. Same girl in a small town with minimal options could react differently to you than in NYC, despite you having the same value. It's all relative.

So even if you are opening direct and showing interest, she wants to mate with a man above her in the marketplace ranking. If your fundamentals are super on point and the girl is fascinated with you, then A2 is kind of done and you can start qualifying. If she is like a mega hottie who is swarmed with suitors, then there's a more involved dynamic when it comes to her establishing her conception of your marketplace differential.

This is a great read from Chase:

How to Counteract the DLV in Cold Approach

@DarkKnight asked (in response to me talking about a client who refused to cold approach because he did not want to ever come in “lower value”): Chase you wrote sometimes that approaching girls indeed brings a slight DLV, and you mentioned that a good seducer knows ways to counteracts this but...

www.skilledseducer.com

And his response here on pinging her for compliance, arousal, and similarity cues to figure out what you need:

What is your cold approach banter process?

Hi guys, I just did my first ever coffee shop line approach and got a number from a beautiful Latina architect with a slim waist. She seems maybe a few years older than me, which dampens the dynamic a bit. So my question is what is your process for banter, like do you have a high level mental...

www.skilledseducer.com

So I think of flirting and teasing as "feeling it out" between each other. Karea will start "framing for sexual fracture" in A2.

Post #7 from @Ratata here is a great way to do this subtly through the lingering handclasp popularized by 60 Years of Challenge. He has a great explanation:

Date Plans - Should you escalate when you feel unsure?

Let’s say you’re on a date and it’s time to escalate. But you feel anxious/unsure/needy. What now? You can do nothing and keep the girl wondering if you like her. But you’ll miss windows. Or you can push through, but since you’re unsure AF, you will half-ass it oit of fear, she will sense this...

www.skilledseducer.com

So this all relates to commonalities because if you are actively trying to force rapport, it shows you view yourself as lower on the value scale than her and need to make up for it by attempting to impress her. Obviously you need to communicate value to her, but while being mindful of the law of least effort and not being "tryhard". This is why Mystery has a DHV diagram where he's directing the DHV's to the obstacles (the target's friends), and so the target is indirectly receiving these value signals and ideally reacting with indicators of interest before you show any interest in her.

Say you are really into gaming and computer hardware, then find out a girl is into gaming and built a computer. If you get all excited and start sharing how you built one too, it's kind of like blowing your load early.

I really don't think the SAC model is mentioned enough on the forum. So what the research says is actually attractive is attitude-similarity. Factual commonalities will probably have some level of attitude similarly at the core of them, but simply being into computers isn't the attraction trigger. So if you're in A3 getting her to prove herself to you, or later when you're getting to know each other deeper, I believe it would be more powerful to engage her female emotional brain and talk what she likes about the computers, and then relating based on similarity of attitudes. Like how she felt about accomplishing her computer build and why she likes doing it at all could be the exact same as how you feel about a completely unrelated hobby.

But then later if you slip into conversation that you also built a PC, she might be excited and kick off the relating back to you, and you can again build similarity based on the commonality, but you are now doing it in a way that is not reactive or approval-seeking.

-KJ