How do stop letting people walk over me?

[Rookie]

I find that a lot of the practical and theoretical material on GirlsChase is fun, exciting and definitely challenging but equally as rewarding. It's also really informative and comprehensive but one thing i can't find is a guide for those people (like me) who are just too nice when it comes to giving away value to other men or women outside the realm of seduction.
For me I always struggle in framing the value i give as a reward to those who ask and what often happens is that people just expect me to say yes to them for favors or worse, they go ahead and use my stuff anyway. It drives me crazy but time and time again i find myself in the same situation, doing/giving of way to much value than i am receiving in return.

So are there any great articles I can read that can help me adjust the way i give out value to prevent people quite literally taking advantage of me.

Cheers
Rookie

 

[pks391]

I find that a lot of the practical and theoretical material on GirlsChase is fun, exciting and definitely challenging but equally as rewarding. It's also really informative and comprehensive but one thing i can't find is a guide for those people (like me) who are just too nice when it comes to giving away value to other men or women outside the realm of seduction.
For me I always struggle in framing the value i give as a reward to those who ask and what often happens is that people just expect me to say yes to them for favors or worse, they go ahead and use my stuff anyway. It drives me crazy but time and time again i find myself in the same situation, doing/giving of way to much value than i am receiving in return.

So are there any great articles I can read that can help me adjust the way i give out value to prevent people quite literally taking advantage of me.

Cheers
Rookie

Hey Rookie, I was and i still am struggling with this on a certain level in life. In fact, i would say it was one of my #1 problems in life at some point.
So here's a few pointers i learnt which i am sure will work for you:

Learn to POLITELY but FIRMLY say NO to the things you don't wanna do

Realize the point where people will start milking you for your value and never cross it

NEVER do more for someone who would not do the same for you (Value for Value exchange)

Learn to understand the difference between EXCHANGING VALUE and GIVING VALUE FOR FREE

And last but not least, since you asked for them, here they are:

www.girlschase.com/content/nice-people-need-hard-rules
www.girlschase.com/content/genuine-man-part-9-nice-jerk
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-b ... lways-nice
www.girlschase.com/content/how-avoid-being-nice-guy
www.girlschase.com/content/why-nice-guys-finish-last
www.girlschase.com/content/why-nice-guy ... ring-women

Happy Reading, hope this helps.
Wish you success in your endeavours

 

[Rookie]

Cheers PKS391,

Yeah it's a really annoying problem that never really seems to go away unless you address it and it's an intersting skill to have down in social arts. Will read these and let you know of any progress

Rookie

 

[pks391]

Cheers PKS391,

Yeah it's a really annoying problem that never really seems to go away unless you address it and it's an intersting skill to have down in social arts. Will read these and let you know of any progress

Rookie

Sure thing, Good luck....

 

[Drck]

"For me I always struggle in framing the value i give as a reward to those who ask and what often happens is that people just expect me to say yes to them for favors or worse, they go ahead and use my stuff anyway."

The above articles are good. Also learn to say NO, even in playful way, sort of develop habit of giving people hard time (when needed).

Scenario 1:
Peter: Hey Rob, can I borrow your pen? (extending arm to grab it)
Rob: Nope (grabs the pen)
Peter: Oh... why not? (little bit surpriced, didn't expect that)
Rob: I don't feel like to
Peter: ...thinking this is just weird
Rob: waits 3-4 secords, then: Ok, go ahead, here is the pen, and hands him the pen
>> It is silly, but Peter now developed sort of adverse effect of asking you for favors, next time he/she will be thinking twice about borrowing stuff from you because he doesn't want his request to be rejected. No need to be full blown asshole, but simply give them hard time

Scenario 2:
Peter: just grabs Rob's pen without asking
Rob: Make sure you put it back where it belongs
Peter: yea yea, whatever > puts pen some other place
Rob: That's not where the pen was, it was right here where you picked it up (annoyed voice)
Peter: is thinking this is just weird... (next time he will be thinking twice before grabbing your stuff)
>> Again, no need to be an asshole, the interaction can be entirely friendly, but the whole point is to give them some hard time to reflect on their actions

Scenario 3:
Hot Angela comes close to Rob and entirely by 'mistake' drops her pen on the floor, hinting that Rob should pick it up
Hot Angela: giggles and says: hey could you hand me my pen?
Rob: Rob knows that he can't just pick it up, hand it to her and smile, because at that moment she will reward him a big red stamp accross his forehead: "Loser". So he says: Sure, I'll be more than happy to do that. But what are you going to do for me?
Hot Angela: giggles, and perhaps is thinking for a second
Rob: Here, I'll make it easy on you, pulls up a piece of paper. Give me your number and you can have your pen back

 

[Rookie]

Thanks Drck,

Yeah that is some really good advice! I see a lot of guys (who have got both their seduction game and their general social skills to a high level) do this almost instinctively. Like it's a small thing but it goes a long way.

I'll put this to work right away.
Rookie

 

[Kaelos]

So are there any great articles I can read that can help me adjust the way i give out value to prevent people quite literally taking advantage of me.

Read Drexel Scott's article: The Magic Word that Gets You More of What You Want

 

[Smith]

Read "no more mr Nice Guy" by Robert glover.

For me I always struggle in framing the value i give as a reward to those who ask and what often happens is that people just expect me to say yes to them for favors or worse, they go ahead and use my stuff anyway. It drives me crazy but time and time again i find myself in the same situation, doing/giving of way to much value than i am receiving in return.

It's about the place you're coming from. Are you saying Yes to them because you genuinely want to help without expecting anything in return? or Are you saying Yes because you don't want to lose the validation and you're trying to manipulate them? Like Drck said, Learn to just say no but don't make it a big deal.

Then another thing is to start going for what you want as well, i.e. whether that's girls, life, sports...etc. sometimes you just have to ask and demand more from other people because that's the standard you have set for yourself as well. This doesn't mean you have to be bossy, but think in terms of win-win. How can you both benefit from this situation?

 

[foggy]

I'm going to expand on Smith's advice.

What are your thought processes in an interaction with someone where you're being taken advantage of? Do you think, "This person is going to be mad if I don't let them use my stuff? Will they not talk to me anymore if I don't let them use my stuff? I don't want to start a confrontation." Whatever your thoughts, make sure to take note of them and then try to change those thought patterns.

Those thoughts are thoughts I thought when I was growing up and people were taking advantage of me. But no one takes advantage of me anymore, it feels great! I can't wait for you to grow and experience this as well!

 

[lux7]

I'm going to expand on Smith's advice.

What are your thought processes in an interaction with someone where you're being taken advantage of? Do you think, "This person is going to be mad if I don't let them use my stuff? Will they not talk to me anymore if I don't let them use my stuff? I don't want to start a confrontation." Whatever your thoughts, make sure to take note of them and then try to change those thought patterns.

Those thoughts are thoughts I thought when I was growing up and people were taking advantage of me. But no one takes advantage of me anymore, it feels great! I can't wait for you to grow and experience this as well!

Like, some concrete examples on before/today with the thought pattern you used.. ?

 

[Trader]

Letting people walk over you is tied to your self-esteem. The higher regard in which you hold yourself, the less you will be inclined to let others treat you in any way which you deem unacceptable.

How to raise self-esteem? I'm a firm believer in holistic self-improvement, to raise your value.

So - you're already studying game and social dynamics, which is good. But also, you need to be working on other areas - lift weights, lose body fat, improve your wardrobe and aesthetic, make plans to improve your financial situation.

Each of these are large topic areas in themselves, and it is very much in the nature of a marathon, and not a sprint. But the sooner you get started, the sooner you get closer to your goals, and you immediately feel better.

 

[Rookie]

Hey, thank you all very much for you input, I'm writing this just to let you know that i've taken all you points on board and i'm currently working through this. The progress i've made so far is not too bad in my opinion. It's been slow and lazy because i'm on holiday and because this is a huge project for me but i'm beginning to really pick up the pace. It turns out that despite having confidence, some good success with women and a nice set of social skills to keep me more that just afloat, deep down inside i actually do have low self-esteem (which i couldn't believe at first) which is limiting me so much in all aspects in life. And reading the articles that you've all mentioned have really helped me uncover why and how the low self-esteem has manifested in my daily life and caused problems.

I've read the articles on what not to do and what not to think which is good but i am now reading and applying what to do and how to think. Articles like how to be an asshole or how to be selfish in life/assertive.

I'll keep you all posted because this is a big learning curve for me and yeah Backstory, i can't wait to get people stop taking advantage of me too.

Rookie