How do you actually change through pick-up?

[Native]

I haven't been approaching al that much because im kind of wondering just how beneficial pickup is. Ive seen guys who claim they went from zero social life to the status of Liam McRae but how does this change really happen? It just doesn't seem possible or logical so ive been neglecting it.

P.S. Is there a particular body type you should seek to develop before approaching women? Like if you're overweight should you still go out approach?

 

[ray_zorse]

This is a kind of a silly question really. I mean, are you getting your dick wet? If not, you should be. (The exception might be if you're involved in some massive product launch or similar that consumes all of your time & is important to you, but this isn't sustainable on a long term basis).

Practicing pickup might not be all that beneficial if you are Chase or Franco since you've been there, done that. But for you it's both a means to an end (getting laid) and also a ticket to higher self esteem and a more fulfilling life, because you'll discover that the things that make you unappealing to women also make you unapealing to yourself. Or to put it another way you discover a lot about yourself by getting out regularly and putting your balls on the line, overcoming sticking points and building skills, particularly coping with rejection and negative, limiting self beliefs, and becoming your unfiltered, authentic seld, free from doubt or social fear.

Yes, you want a solid routine in the gym. No, you can't use your fundamentals as an excuse not to approach. You always need to be building skills, even if she rejects you for being too fat you still put your balls on the line and learned a lot. Anyway, I'm overweight (180cm, 90kg) and I still get results, although they'd be better if I had the issue handled.

Ray

 

[normajean106]

I'm actually wondering the same thing myself. I know that that practicing pick-up "stuff" is beneficial for your social life, but I just don't see how one can go from a secluded introvert to a charismatic social leader. To be honest, I've been putting myself out there in the most outright embarrassing moments a guy can have, believing that numbing yourself to rejection should be the first approach to becoming a pick up artist (Which I know now is false. One cannot become numb to embarrassing rejections by forcing a rejection, failing just has to happen on it's own. It would be like trying to succeed in a job or a sport by purposefully failing. You can only become numb to failure when you at least try to have success. Just my thoughts on the matter.) Now, I know one can improve greatly and become socially adequate, and I don't mean to despair, but I can't help but feel that becoming a social Alpha male is not something a lone introvert can do. I know this sounds like I'm looking for an excuse to explain my failures, but I'm really just genuinely curious to see how people can improve themselves without the fear of failure crippling them, especially when they have distasteful and lip-biting experiences or memories.

 

[ray_zorse]

normajean, see this post, no point my typing it out again: https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=10122#p49483
It's simply about practice and working on sticking points. Posting FRs really helps too ... they don't need to involve women, just ordinary social situations ... what should I have done instead of what I did? etc. Anyway, I was a follower and now I'm a leader. I can't think of a single relationship in my life where I am following. And the interesting thing is that not really much changed in my behaviour, mainly +confidence. I mean you can deal with a situation in almost exactly the same way, and have people think you're a pathetic fuckup or a badass, it's really mainly about the vibe you project, which doesn't come from acting (although you should try to fake it till you make it) but really from a genuine self belief and failure to GAF what they think. Stick to principles too, like calling people out on shit, and you'll be golden in no time. It would also help to think of yourself as the Sigma male rather than the Alpha male (though I may be unintentionally getting more Alpha, I aim for Sigma status)... see the article about it, it's really illuminating.
Ray

 

[Richard]

Native,

If I'm not mistaken I've seen you post these types of threads before and I gotta say that I think you spend more time thinking about how to perfect pick-up from the start than going out and actually doing it. There are absolutely no excuses to not go out and practice; be it your body image, mood, no time, etc.

The biggest change you get through pick-up is general confidence, and a new kind of freedom that less than 1% of the population get to experience. I fully understand how it feels to walk around and feel hopeless every day and feel like a fucking loser because you see a cute girl but cant' find the stones to approach her; are you content living with that feeling forever?

I'll tell you that I am not the most physically fit guy on the boards but I have the confidence and fundamentals to still be attractive. Women will still hookup with you because body image is only a portion of what goes into seduction. If your body image is currently lacking then you'll need tighter fundamentals but don't let anything stop you. Grab your life by the fucking balls and start to enjoy it.

-Richard

 

[Jaimie Richards]

Hey bro,

1. First of all, please read article by Chase about Event vs. Process - that will be greatly helpful in understanding the issue you're currently facing.

2. Answering the question from the topic of this thread: how do you change through PUA? As for now, you already have a perspective from more advanced participants of this forum - so I feel I can share something from a newbie's perspective. So, what do you gain from learning pick-up?

a) You learn how to analyse your interactions with people so you learn how to make them better,

b) You get into a habit of getting better everyday.

c) You learn how to define your missions in life.

d) You learn how to face your fears on a daily basis - not that huge ones like of cancer, but more day-to-day ones like approaching different people (also: hot girls).

That's from a perspective of a GC reader & follower and not a fan of other PUA mediums (whatever they may be).

My advice: don't focus so much on ideas like "what can I gain?" and rather focus on working both hard&smart, so in some time you'll both feel & see the difference.

-J.

 

[Troy]

Native,

No experience + no results = confusion if it will work
Simple, just get more experience and prove previous reference points wrong. I break down pickup a whole more than a majority of guys I know. I know where I'm coming from and i take baby steps to improve. So first find out where you are at and target the first weak point dude.

When I just started I hadn't kissed a girl, I had virtually no friends, no one texted me, called, nothing. Then I begun working on my weaknesses until I kissed my first girlfriend at age 16 and my first lay and second lay recently ( I still haven't gotten the time to post the second lay...sigh...will get that up soon ), and I'm seeing more and more girls texting me and giving me approach invitations.

Dude, seriously just get outside and socialize more because that is where you will learn. One thing you said that really stuck out to me was how you don't see how a person can go from zero social life to the status of Liam McRae. To be honest I've seen persons do it and it usually takes a short time for those who have constant exposure to a thing they want to improve in and somebody who motivates them. Don't neglect the game or the game will neglect you. The faster you work to improve is the better your life will be, plus you will have less stress thinking about things that SHOULD COME NATURALLY.

You still looking at the screen youth? Shut it off and go out NOW. Create the life YOU want.

Troy

 

[Native]

I guess my question is, those girls who were cheerleaders in high school and super popular in college. If I really commit to this stuff I'll be able to pull those caliber of women? Never in a million years can I imagine myself dating or fucking one of those girls who gets 100+ likes when she puts up a selfie on Facebook. But if I really commit to this stuff and can do that then I'm all in.

 

[Mr.Rob]

If I really commit to this stuff I'll be able to pull those caliber of women?

Sure of course!

The reason you feel like those girls are out of reach is because you don't understand them, that and you don't feel entitled to be with those girls for whatever reasons.

The way this change takes place is gradually over time.

When an oak tree seed is planted the seed looks at the great big oak tree and wonders "is it really possible for me to develop into this massive tree with an immense root system and perfect foliage... I'm a seed I don't have roots or limbs yet!"

But slowly the seed sprouts, takes root, grows a tiny stick out of the earth, and over time develops into a stronger more mature version of itself until it's a massive oak tree.

I never thought in a million years I'd be getting the amount of attraction I'm currently getting from women (and I'm not even close to where I want to be yet) or be pulling the amount of girls home for sex that I am now. There was no way that would ever be me.

Even better I never thought in a million years I'd have the amount of satisfaction and happiness that results from pushing your limits as a person to become the strongest version of yourself.

Change works as follows:

You start marching towards you goal and make little to no headway but you just keep faith and keep marching.

Little by little you start getting into interactions with certain girls you thought out of your league.

Then you see they start to hold a conversation with you.

And then one day you get lucky (or so it feels though its really skill) and that girl moves with you and start investing in you. But she won't go home with you.

And then you get to the point where having these girls give you a bit of attraction becomes more normalized.

Then one day you're moving these girls around like you always do and you invite her home and have sex with a stunner that you'd never thought you'd get with before. After you're done sleeping with her you realize "holy shit I just did what I never thought I'd do but I didn't even realize it until after?"

Beliefs and mindsets evolve slowly with regards to your experiences in the world. Get enough experiences and your mind will change to become to expect the new changes.

I used to never be able to get attraction. Now I get attraction all the time.

But don't expect it to be easy. You have to work for what you want out of life and it can be a brutal road getting there. But the more sour the sacrifice the sweeter the reward.

Also it sounds like its going to be a really long time before the change gets all the way internalized (for me it was about 2 years to get fully bought in to the change to where it was normal and expected) but in the great scheme of things it's not that long. You look back and think "it was rough but it wasn't THAT bad".

Hope that helps

-Rob

 

[Richard]

I guess my question is, those girls who were cheerleaders in high school and super popular in college. If I really commit to this stuff I'll be able to pull those caliber of women? Never in a million years can I imagine myself dating or fucking one of those girls who gets 100+ likes when she puts up a selfie on Facebook. But if I really commit to this stuff and can do that then I'm all in.

You'll never know until you try won't ya?