How do you beat porn addiction?

[Atlas IV]

Guys I'll keep it real. I've been struggling with this shit since I was 13.

Some times I've managed to beat it for a few weeks or months, but it always come back like a god damn curse that ruins my sleep and motivation.

I understand why it's so hard to fight. I've read the articles, listened to the podcasts about dopamine and neural pathway rewiring and all that stuff. I know it's because I started at a really early age, which hardwired me this way. Hell it's probably half the reason I got into PUA and why such a massive focus of my life is on sex.

But I'm REALLY over this. I want it out of my life. I've tried everything - the website blockers (there's always ways around it), marking days on a calendar, reading up on the science behind it, meditation, etc etc.

It works for a while, then I forget about and slip back into old habits.

Recently it's gotten bad. I think a big factor is my getting back into Tinder and OLD (I'm almost at the point of deleting the apps altogether). Swiping is hypnotic and stimulating, and it fires the same pathways as porn use.

I've read the GC articles on porn addiction, but I'd like to hear some other opinions from guys who have overcome this themselves (I'm sure there's a few of us here). How did you do it? Is there a system for beating it that really works?

 

[jaythedon]

Meditate instead whenever you feel the urges

 

[Bismarck]

I feel for you G.

Can't really relate as I was never compulsively addicted to it...

 

[empath]

Guys I'll keep it real. I've been struggling with this shit since I was 13.

Some times I've managed to beat it for a few weeks or months, but it always come back like a god damn curse that ruins my sleep and motivation.

I understand why it's so hard to fight. I've read the articles, listened to the podcasts about dopamine and neural pathway rewiring and all that stuff. I know it's because I started at a really early age, which hardwired me this way. Hell it's probably half the reason I got into PUA and why such a massive focus of my life is on sex.

But I'm REALLY over this. I want it out of my life. I've tried everything - the website blockers (there's always ways around it), marking days on a calendar, reading up on the science behind it, meditation, etc etc.

It works for a while, then I forget about and slip back into old habits.

Recently it's gotten bad. I think a big factor is my getting back into Tinder and OLD (I'm almost at the point of deleting the apps altogether). Swiping is hypnotic and stimulating, and it fires the same pathways as porn use.

I've read the GC articles on porn addiction, but I'd like to hear some other opinions from guys who have overcome this themselves (I'm sure there's a few of us here). How did you do it? Is there a system for beating it that really works?

Check if you are addicted to novelty of porn.

I watched around 12-13 too

I had a bad problem till last year December

when I am in relationship I don’t face it much

also, it kicks in when I am unable to meet some goal of mine

I was clean from last December to april

then it kicked in 2 times in april, may and june I guess

One of the trigger is insta models for me these day

the OF girls

so I don’t have insta installed on phone

then web series with saucy scenes

but I hate it so much and guilt is so bad that Its gone mostly

and also instead of thinking to avoid porn what work better is

to focus on doing something

 

[empath]

Like right now there is this girl and my office is frustrating me so I am feeling like rubbing myself once.

I can contain it for few days

but now I need to lay someone so this goes out of my system.

Nothing beats this addiction unless you fix the underlying or just lay someone new atleast for me.

 

[alexlaguma]

Sorry to hear you struggling bro. Not something I can say I have much experience with. I guess I'm a little older so fortunately grew up before the era of internet porn on mobiles. Back in school we were still trading our dads DVDs with each other.

 

[7years]

I recommend reading this book monthly for the next three months to truly internalize its message. Then return to it again in three months, and once more three months after that.

 

[504]

Hi @AtlasV!

I'm sorry to hear about your experience with the porn peeve.

I'm of a similar age as you and started at a similar age as you too … so while I don't have THE solution for you, I am pretty much in the same shoes as you are. Which doesn't help, I know, but I have some ideas on the topic.

I've likewise managed to stop ... quite many times, like a good nicotine addict ... but relapsed.

I've taken to observing myself more and more every time I relapse.

I've noticed that the relapses are always connected to my self-esteem being lower than average for me.

Contributing factors are my using digital devices (internet or not) a lot. And, understandably, more internet = more bad. Often, procrastination plays a role, too. Not "daring" to be alone with my thoughts is also a factor, as in "escapism".

An example:

Sometime around February this year I was off the drug but was getting more and more procrastinatory.

There was this one paper I had to fill out and envelop and send out for a redemption I kinda needed but I still wasn't completely broke, so I kept on procrastinating it. I wasn't in great shape mentally, which possibly was the reason for my procrastinating, which then pulled me further down. Typical vicious circle.

Then...I relapsed!

I was under the spell for a week or so when I finally managed to put myself together and listen deeply to my thoughts, to my inner dialogue.
I then finally managed to take care of the money matter.
Within moments I felt better and, surprise!, didn't consume any porn again after that.

I've observed that when I'm feeling "acceptably well" but use the internet a lot, I've had it happen that I relapse out of ... boredom? Then I feel worse mentally and can't get off the poison for a while.

AtlasV, do you need to use the internet and/or a computer in general for your work? I wouldn't know how to help you in that case. :/

In my case I just reduce my internet usage to a bare minimum (email once per day, text messages a handful of times only, phone turned off most of the time) and stop reading books on a digital device and switch to physical books. My self-esteem goes up quite quickly after that, not kidding, and I have zero cravings. "Analogue life" is the best thing I know to help me fix my self-esteem issues, every time.

tl;dr --> for me it's all about self-esteem.

Hope to have given you some food for thought...

Best of luck!!

 

[Atlas IV]

@7years,

Looks like someone took a book on quitting smoking and repurposed it for porn? Interesting, I'll give it a read. Cheers.

@504,

Appreciate your thoughts. For me I wouldn't say it's a self esteem issue. I'm confident and doing generally well in life.

I'd say it's more the fact that for me, being such a deeply formed neural pathway, it gives an unnaturally powerful dopamine release like a drug that it's very hard to resist.

I also have tons of unfulfilled sexual fantasies, which is what drives me in PUA, and porn gives the illusion of achieving those fantasies.

It's probably also somewhat about focus. The times it's been a non-issue for me are when I'm really focused on a goal that consumes my full attention. For example, trying to figure out my PUA system in China while gaming with locals - I had zero thoughts about porn at that time.

Then, coming back to my cozy life with my FWBs and Tinder was like going back to "easy mode".

But I'd say that using Instagram and Tinder like @empath said is also a contributing factor that pushes me down the slippery slope. It will help if I de-digitize my life and focus more on the real world.

 

[empath]

And I did it again yesterday.

porn as a word itself is a trigger.

me being a novelty chaser was sexting a girl and we were talking about leashes.

having trouble falling asleep.

I ended up searching leashes porn.

 

[James D]

I used Russell Brand's Recovery: Freedom From Our Addictions book to break my addiction to alcohol, fast food and Netflix (and my addiction to binging fast food while watching Netflix, which was an entire issue on its own)

It worked for each one of them and solved them completely.

I've never had a porn addiction but having had an addiction problem for years, I can safely say that an addiction is an addiction and all addictions are the same at their core.

They differ only in intensity and the way they affect your life externally (e.g a drug addiction can get you arrested while a Netflix addiction is unlikely to get you into legal trouble)

But the essence of addiction in the mind is the same.

The steps to solve any addiction are usually similar and universal.

Give this book a try if you can. It literally saved my life.

 

[Atlas IV]

I used Russell Brand's Recovery: Freedom From Our Addictions book to break my addiction to alcohol, fast food and Netflix (and my addiction to binging fast food while watching Netflix, which was an entire issue on its own)

It worked for each one of them and solved them completely.

I've never had a porn addiction but having had an addiction problem for years, I can safely say that an addiction is an addiction and all addictions are the same at their core.

They differ only in intensity and the way they affect your life externally (e.g a drug addiction can get you arrested while a Netflix addiction is unlikely to get you into legal trouble)

But the essence of addiction in the mind is the same.

The steps to solve any addiction are usually similar and universal.

Give this book a try if you can. It literally saved my life.

I will read it! Thank you man.

 

[7years]

Looks like someone took a book on quitting smoking and repurposed it for porn? Interesting, I'll give it a read. Cheers.

It’s based on Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and its core messages are deliberately repeated - repetition that is necessary to undo years of harmful conditioning.

This will give you a motivational high at first, because you get to know a new concept. But the novelty will wear off after a week and life will appear boring and mundane, because normalization of dopamine systems takes about a month of abstinence (substantial brain recovery takes 12-14 months or more).

That’s why I recommend approaching the journey with a stoic mindset from the start - accept that this won’t be a bed of roses. By keeping that initial motivational high in check, you avoid the sharp comedown that often follows.

 

[POB]

Reward system.
Everytime you beat the urge, your reward yourself with something nice (like a dinner or a short trip).

When you can't resist, take a deep breath and ask yourself: "is this really what I want to do right now?".

Also falling down is ok.
Don't get triggered, it's part of the process.
Just reset the clock and move on.

(Im' a gambling addict myself...in my case it's partially genetic....long list of family members that were gamblers..this is why I never get into any game with money or betting, I know I have zero self control).

 

[empath]

I’m curious how many of guys here can survive a long dry spell.

I think is it not just a combination of high-sex drive and high-impulsivity?

there are triggers but sometimes you will just want to beat it in-case there are no new girls.

@Atlas IV

would u prefer porn over a new girl as easily available as porn.

Cause even though I have struggled with it I think I would just never do it over a real girl in blood and flesh.

 

[DoWhatWorks]

@Atlas IV haven't watched it since my early 20's and almost 30 now. Was definitely a time when I was addicted.

Here's what helped me:

1. Count the days without. This was important for me to track progress and I know you've already tried it but links to the next point

2. Forgive yourself for breaking a streak. Your mind will play tricks and say ah there's no point, you broke a streak just go back. Ignore it, make a rule that you won't go 2 days back to back. Me breaking the streak didn't happen in a straight line. I'd have a few days, then a week, then a month, then a week, then 3 months, then 2 months then... Wait when was the last time again?

3. Pour 100% of yourself into something else. You mentioned it didn't happen when gaming in China. My theory is people who are inclined to addictions are just intense by wiring. Use it to your advantage. A big part of me quitting porn is I just flipped a switch and said my only sexual outlet will be girls in real life, now business keeps me focused and something to "obsess" over.

Saw someone mention Russell Brand, great example, he had a heroin addiction, then obsessed over becoming a celebrity, then over girls, then over conspiracy theorists and now Christianity. Some people just aren't built for moderation (me included) and that's fine. Just channel it instead of fighting it.

 

[Will_V]

Never watched much porn in my life, but there've been times I was rubbing them out way too often.

I've found the best thing is to occupy myself with something that requires aggressive effort and focus, that way you really feel the consequences of the loss of libido that follows ejaculation. It becomes a sickening feeling of weakness and incapacity, rather than a comfortable place to be, which cancels out the feeling of reward.

Wanking is essentially a dumping of libidinal fuel that has not been put to better use. Find a good use for it and it becomes a valuable resource rather than something to be traded for pleasure.

 

[Atlas IV]

Appreciate the perspectives. Glad to know I'm not the only one here who has struggled with addictions (of various kinds it seems)

1. Count the days without. This was important for me to track progress and I know you've already tried it but links to the next point

Actually I always counted the days with, not the days without. Maybe that's a key distinction.

So my approach was the stick, yours is the carrot.

I guess I'll try the carrot

3. Pour 100% of yourself into something else. You mentioned it didn't happen when gaming in China. My theory is people who are inclined to addictions are just intense by wiring. Use it to your advantage. A big part of me quitting porn is I just flipped a switch and said my only sexual outlet will be girls in real life, now business keeps me focused and something to "obsess" over.

I've found the best thing is to occupy myself with something that requires aggressive effort and focus, that way you really feel the consequences of the loss of libido that follows ejaculation. It becomes a sickening feeling of weakness and incapacity, rather than a comfortable place to be, which cancels out the feeling of reward.

Good points here that really get to the core issue.

Having something that you are able to pour that libido into (i.e. an obsession of some kind) is the solution to breaking addiction.

Lots of food for thought. Thanks guys!

 

[Chase]

@Atlas IV,

Dunno if you tried this one already, but Focus.me is ridiculously impossible to circumvent for pornography.

I installed it at @Karea Ricardus D.'s suggestion when I was wasting too much time on news, fora, distractions, etc.

There was an AI porn art generator that just came out, and I don't usually bother with porn much but I'd play around with that thing and suddenly 3 hours flew by, and I was like, "Well, since I am trying Focus.Me out, I might as well enable the porn block too."

I didn't know what I was doing so I set super long (150-character) passwords that had to be typed perfectly to unblock stuff. It took 3 minutes to type the password and a single mistake and you started over from scratch.

Well, I could circumvent every other blocker on there, including the news one, which made it useless to me... but the porn one is draconian. No matter the browser, no matter what I did, I could not open any tab that had any kind of sexual reference in the URL or page title. I had to resort to editing certain Girls Chase articles by logging in from another machine.

Eventually since it wasn't doing its job except on porn, which I didn't need anyway, and which was hampering my ability to do my job (a surprising amount of GC and SS posts have sexual references in their subject lines!) I removed the app and cancelled my subscription. But for like 4-5 months I could not access anything remotely sexually-related on my main machine due to that app.

(it was so bad that if I tried circumventing it hard enough, say to edit an article with "sex" in the subject line, it would basically break my machine and force me to reset it. The thing is really, REALLY aggressive on sexual subjects)

Might be worth a shot if you haven't tried it yet.

If so, just install it on all accounts on all your devices (laptop, phone, etc.) and if it's as aggressive on every device as it was on my Mac you'll never see another digital titty again

Chase

 

[Atlas IV]

@Chase,

I've heard of that one too. The problem with these blockers is exactly as you described - it ends up blocking a whole lot of other stuff that you actually DO need, or you forget the password and then have to break your computer to remove it.

Actually I think just opening up and sharing my problem in this thread might end up being the most powerful factor to help me kick the habit. It's always been a secret, shameful addiction for me - this is the first time I'm shining a spotlight on the thing (AND with a community of guys I hold enormous respect for).

Also got some great reading material now thanks to @James D and @7years.

So any time my mind turns to thoughts of cravings, I'll come to back to this thread and remind myself of who I really want to be

I appreciate you all <3