Socializing How do you deal with disrespect in social circle?

[Kuro]

I'm glad to see Girlschase does have a forum for general socializing. I had no idea this was here.

Anyway, on to the question.

In my social circles I try not to take myself too seriously. I don't brag and I provide value in what ways I can, whether it's bringing someone new into the group or simply trying to make sure everyone is having fun. I'm sure I have plenty of room to improve, but honestly, most people in my social circles love me.

But there are some people that show me blatant and utter disrespect. These people crack jokes that bring me down, tell me to "stop being creepy" when I'm flirting with a girl who is clearly enjoying herself, jump on every tiny mistake I make(telling me to "shut up" when I make a bad joke or correcting me when my grammar isn't perfect), and overall just seem like they're working against me rather than with me. So far it has only been men and there are very few of them, but I'm sure things would be a lot easier if I didn't have guys doing this all the time.

It almost seems like social ladder climbing behavior, but I'm not sure. Most of these guys are just as popular as I am and they only do this with me. They kind of just don't pay much attention to the less popular guys and they don't try to bring down other popular guys.

Since it does only happen to me, it has even made me question myself a few times. I've wondered if everyone secretly hates me, if girls think I'm creepy - paranoid stuff like that. But after thinking about it, girls wouldn't sit on or touch a guy they think is creepy. People wouldn't hang out with and chat with a guy they hate, all the while laughing and smiling.

That said, it still only happens to me. Clearly I'm doing something to warrant this behavior. I've thought up a few possible reasons for this:

I flirt with a lot of women - Perhaps they're jealous and I'm managing their emotions badly?
I sometimes make self deprecating jokes - Does this encourage this type of behavior?
I largely ignore their behavior - Is there a better way to respond?
I think some of their girlfriends are interested in me - I'm actually not sure, but I could see them being unhappy about that.

I'm sure there's stuff I'm not thinking of, so hopefully you guys can help me figure out what I could be doing differently.

 

[ray_zorse]

This seems pretty similar to the question I helped you with before, and from what I recall that advice was useful to you. One thing I mentioned that might have slipped through the cracks is don't socialize with these people. There are a few reasons for this

(1) if they are behaving badly, then why reward them with your company?

(2) if they look at you as a creep or whatever, you can't unmake this frame... it's probably because they knew you before you started your journey... and even as a relatively advanced seducer, you're still going to fuck up often, and get on the wrong side of people, whom you will then have to NEXT.

(3) they probably don't really look at you as a creep, they're just jealous and sabotaging you... see Estate's FR for an example of this, his friend introduced him to a work colleague with whom he clicked and flirted like hell and he (Estate) isolated her twice, but friend (who originally claimed not to want her) kept sabotaging him.

Honestly, their motivations for tearing you down could be quite mixed, maybe they just do it for fun (maybe they enjoy seeing your reaction), could be the jealousy angle, could be white knighting (trying to "protect" women from you), could be anything really.... and..... do you fucking care? Turn your mind to useful pursuits!

The way to tackle this is to socialize with new and different people, and set the right frame from the start... for instance if a dude alpha's you, and you smoothly shrug off the challenge and make him look socially weak, then he won't alpha you... I think also part of the trick is to socialize with people who naturally look up to you from the start, for instance at the uni I'm one of the older students and have taken a lot of younger guys under my wing and so when we go out they naturally look to me to make decisions etc... they wouldn't dream of trying to alpha me or one-up or insult, it just wouldn't occur to them, as I'm valuable to them, and more importantly the correct frame has been set: I lead them but not in a particularly dominant way, just by making suggestions at the right time etc.

-Ray

 

[Kuro]

Thanks for the reply, Ray. Do you mean the one about my rude coworkers? I remember you commenting on that and the advice was indeed very helpful.

I suppose you're right that their reasons could be literally anything. Maybe they legitimately think I'm creepy(I've made mistakes) or maybe they're simply trying to sabotage me out of jealousy. Maybe they're white knights, hellbent on saving women from "evil men" like me.

In the end, I probably will have to next these guys. I'm still going to see them around(lot of mutual friends), so should I just ignore them when they are around?

 

[ray_zorse]

That's a tricky question that occurred to me also on rereading the thread after posting... normally I would recommend to reduce or cut contact with everyone in that circle, to do a proper job of it... on the basis that prevention is better than cure.

However you say you are popular and have no issues with most people in that circle. Well, that's good but I still want you to consider: your social circle is not "part of who you are", you can certainly branch out a bit and make some new friends!

Having said all that, you probably will run into these troublesome people from time to time, the tightrope you have to walk is to ignore them and deny them attention and eye contact without appearing butthurt or reactive. So just basically don't start conversations with them, chat to your other mutual friends you were seeing in the first place.

They'll probably sense something wrong after a while and mention it, if so act innocent... "oh what do you mean, ignoring you? you're free to talk to me at any time, in fact that's what you're doing right now" and if they persist "oh spare me the whole butthurt act, I'm just talking to my friends and enjoying myself" then pointedly turn to your true friend and keep talking. These cocksuckers will get the message.

Also, read the articles on social dynamics and responding to challenges on main site. Occasionally, ignoring a challenge isn't the right thing to do (in the above advice I focused on not rewarding bad behaviour with attention, but there are other ways to discourage it)... for instance you may want to try reasonableness, or try throwing it to the group...?

-Ray