How do you deal with "Karen" types of women yelling at you in public in front of people?

[DaVinciMatrixStyle]

I usually don't come across scenarios like these but I've encountered a few that made me go what the fuck and totally caught off guard. These ONLY have happened with two types of people.

1. Real fat and ugly girls
2. Real insecure type of dudes

I used to work at retail last year for about a month. When I worked most of my workers (including peers and management) were extremely friendly with me except for this really creepy looking black girl from New York.

Long story short, I wasn't sure about how to do a certain function at the cashier when I was learning. I ask her about it and all of the sudden she starts screaming "WHAT THE FUCK YOU JUST DO THIS? ARE YOU DUMB?

I was so taken back. It was in front of my co-workers and front of customers. I remember every time we would have same shifts, she would always get close to me and try to start a conversation with me. I just tried to ignore her as she got annoying as hell. But when we were in front of customers, she would constantly try to yell and shit like that to get my attention. It got to a point where I asked another co-worker to switch places with me (there were 5 cashiers in the front) so I wasn't next to her. I take a 10 minute break and the black girl switched places with my co-worker to be next to me again. It was extremely annoying as fuck and I yelled at her "SHUT THE FUCK UP, holy fuck youre annoying", at this point she started smiling like she was so happy that I finally gave her attention.

I ended up filing a report on her and she never talked to me again.

There are few other moments throughout my life that happened, but I never knew how to deal with it when some fat ass ugly girl is yelling at me from top of her lungs in front of people and in public. I'd like to get this handled. Any advice?

 

[dingdong]

See @Glow 's post in your other thread

Any advice for dudes who pick an argument with you over some tiny details in front of people/girls ?

So, recently I got into an argument with another dude about some detail that's almost irrelevant in front of a group and girls also. I talked something about Covid Vaccines cause it was related to our work stuff and a guy in the group started nit-picking every detail about what's wrong or whats...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[Will_V]

I usually don't come across scenarios like these but I've encountered a few that made me go what the fuck and totally caught off guard. These ONLY have happened with two types of people.

1. Real fat and ugly girls
2. Real insecure type of dudes

I used to work at retail last year for about a month. When I worked most of my workers (including peers and management) were extremely friendly with me except for this really creepy looking black girl from New York.

Long story short, I wasn't sure about how to do a certain function at the cashier when I was learning. I ask her about it and all of the sudden she starts screaming "WHAT THE FUCK YOU JUST DO THIS? ARE YOU DUMB?

I was so taken back. It was in front of my co-workers and front of customers. I remember every time we would have same shifts, she would always get close to me and try to start a conversation with me. I just tried to ignore her as she got annoying as hell. But when we were in front of customers, she would constantly try to yell and shit like that to get my attention. It got to a point where I asked another co-worker to switch places with me (there were 5 cashiers in the front) so I wasn't next to her. I take a 10 minute break and the black girl switched places with my co-worker to be next to me again. It was extremely annoying as fuck and I yelled at her "SHUT THE FUCK UP, holy fuck youre annoying", at this point she started smiling like she was so happy that I finally gave her attention.

I ended up filing a report on her and she never talked to me again.

There are few other moments throughout my life that happened, but I never knew how to deal with it when some fat ass ugly girl is yelling at me from top of her lungs in front of people and in public. I'd like to get this handled. Any advice?

She was obviously hot for you dude

Seriously, I feel like 99% of these type of problems can be avoided with polite friendliness and some basic communication skills. If you're going to have to work with someone, it's usually in your best interest to make small talk and make them feel basically validated by you.

People don't go apeshit for no reason, as there are heavy social costs involved. They do it when they feel legitimately victimized in some way (even if it's ridiculous to you).

So why not:
- Ask her if she's upset with you for any reason
- Tell her you don't like the way she talks to you.
- If she doesn't stop, tell her you'll have to report her.
- Report her.
- If the manager ignores you, get a new job.

And all other times, be friendly and polite and say hi and ignore whatever you don't like. Either trust the system to deal with the problem or leave.

There's no trick or technique. Any kind of 'counter-reaction' you have in the hope of getting a specific outcome, even if it works for a short time, will just encourage the behavior or something new.

People are human beings and they do things for basic human being reasons. The best way to avoid problems is to treat them like a human being (telling them honestly how you feel without the preconception that they won't accept it) while showing them what you would like them to do.

Complete strangers, mental cases, drunk/high/aggressive guys are a different story, although I think the same basic principle applies.

 

[DaVinciMatrixStyle]

She was obviously hot for you dude

Seriously, I feel like 99% of these type of problems can be avoided with polite friendliness and some basic communication skills. If you're going to have to work with someone, it's usually in your best interest to make small talk and make them feel basically validated by you.

People don't go apeshit for no reason, as there are heavy social costs involved. They do it when they feel legitimately victimized in some way (even if it's ridiculous to you).

So why not:
- Ask her if she's upset with you for any reason
- Tell her you don't like the way she talks to you.
- If she doesn't stop, tell her you'll have to report her.
- Report her.
- If the manager ignores you, get a new job.

And all other times, be friendly and polite and say hi and ignore whatever you don't like. Either trust the system to deal with the problem or leave.

There's no trick or technique. Any kind of 'counter-reaction' you have in the hope of getting a specific outcome, even if it works for a short time, will just encourage the behavior or something new.

People are human beings and they do things for basic human being reasons. The best way to avoid problems is to treat them like a human being (telling them honestly how you feel without the preconception that they won't accept it) while showing them what you would like them to do.

Complete strangers, mental cases, drunk/high/aggressive guys are a different story, although I think the same basic principle applies.

I'm just gonna keep it simple. Fuck all that. I'm not out here trying to be polite to soothe people with their own issues.

 

[Train]

I had a similar situation with a coworker that just raged against me. Instead of escalating with management, I just visited his cubicle and tried to clear the air out. It worked very well.

Turns out he was just frustrated at the process and didn't mean to lash out at me. We then went on to have a pretty good work relationship, which was essential to our work.

If I used a more aggressive, escalating tactic, it would have been a nightmare.

You have to play these situations on a case by case basis. I don't think it's always ideal to escalate. And it's not always ideal to empathize with them.

I'd say to try killing with kindness first and clear the air. That can weed out behavior and de-escalate and save yourself future headaches. Then if they keep persisting, put your foot down (non-aggressively but solidly).

It may seem like supplicating to empathize with people. But depends on your intent. Are you doing it for approval or to genuinely mend the situation? But even from a logical standpoint, you may spare yourself the pain of "being at war" with someone. You don't want to appear on someone's radar as "ENEMY" unless you really need to. That shit drains you slowly but surely. It's very toxic.

 

[Will_V]

It may seem like supplicating to empathize with people. But depends on your intent. Are you doing it for approval or to genuinely mend the situation? But even from a logical standpoint, you may spare yourself the pain of "being at war" with someone. You don't want to appear on someone's radar as "ENEMY" unless you really need to. That shit drains you slowly but surely. It's very toxic.

Absolutely, politeness is not concession. It is simply a mode of being that predisposes others to have goodwill to you and to be amenable to being influenced by you. When properly used, it is a badge of social rank, and the most difficult shield to penetrate.

 

[DaVinciMatrixStyle]

I had a similar situation with a coworker that just raged against me. Instead of escalating with management, I just visited his cubicle and tried to clear the air out. It worked very well.

Turns out he was just frustrated at the process and didn't mean to lash out at me. We then went on to have a pretty good work relationship, which was essential to our work.

If I used a more aggressive, escalating tactic, it would have been a nightmare.

You have to play these situations on a case by case basis. I don't think it's always ideal to escalate. And it's not always ideal to empathize with them.

I'd say to try killing with kindness first and clear the air. That can weed out behavior and de-escalate and save yourself future headaches. Then if they keep persisting, put your foot down (non-aggressively but solidly).

It may seem like supplicating to empathize with people. But depends on your intent. Are you doing it for approval or to genuinely mend the situation? But even from a logical standpoint, you may spare yourself the pain of "being at war" with someone. You don't want to appear on someone's radar as "ENEMY" unless you really need to. That shit drains you slowly but surely. It's very toxic.

I like this. Basically pick your battles and follow the order of de-escalation to full on escalation if needed.
Thanks for the inputs!