How do you stop feeling desperate?

[ocantu1987]

I truly believe that girls can sense it on me right now and its weird.There are a bunch of girls in my PE class and I think none are interested in me. I have been depressed and lonely lately, im trying to fight it with exercise, but I feel blue anyway, I get the feeling that no girl likes me or ever will, erghhh dont want to feel this way.

 

[Xerud]

Just be who you are, approach a girl you like, even if you don't know her... and be who you are, if she rejects you smile and move on. So it's pretty simple approach a girl, talk to her, ask for number, ask for going out, just be who you are, if you get rejected fuck it, move on.

Life is one big joke

 

[Palpability]

How do "I" stop feeling desperate? I wake up every morning on purpose, that is to say "with purpose" regardless of if I really have anything to do. I go take a piss, brush my teeth, wash my face, and I immediately get prepared for my day. Obsessive cleanliness to begin the day, it gives you an immediate confidence boost before you even leave the house. I'm coming from a really depressing and desperate place, I really only started taking care of myself when I reached my 21st birthday at the end of this last year. I was done, I woke up and realized that I had just not been doing enough with myself. The cause of my depression, and feelings of desperation were caused by lack of stimulation. I quit Target, landed myself a full time job in a field of minor interest, and took up classes with a school for bartenders.

I picked up a couple books related to Chakra Therapy, found out quick, that all of the feelings that i had been feeling were related to too-open and blocked chakra energy. Sounds lame, but besides all of the spiritual awareness steps that many chakra enthusiasts would indulge in, there was actual information that deemed useful to finding more balance within myself. It has only been 5 months since I began fighting my depression and feelings of desperation. The battle is not yet won, but i can say that right now, yesterday, today, tomorrow. I am not the same person I had been before.

As far as how I plan to polish off those feelings of desperation, I'm going to keep my ass BUSY, I will make more money than I ever have, involve myself with classes that will teach me skills or open up opportunities for social well-being and the potential of better job opportunities. Most of all, i'm going to keep reading books, I'll borrow the brain's of all of the people that have felt all of the ways until I wake up one day and dispersed is my dissipating cloud of gray.

P.M. how you feel exactly, I may have some insight for you.

 

[Estate]

Personally.... this does the trick...

- If you're feeling low. Read Chase's article on depression. It's a great technique. You don't have to have depression but it works when you're feeling down. Basically, if you feel bad, "allow" yourself to feel bad for a set time. Go through the situation in your head if you have to. Then decide after 5 minutes, 1 hours, whatever you're going to stop. Literally shout "STOP" in your head when you think negative and think something happy or good. Turn on some good music or really whatever it is that gets you in a good mood. It's sort of a fake it til you make it, technique, ut if you force yourself to stop the negativity it eventually happens naturally.

- Talk to people. Yup! But not, like, pickup.
I was on a bit of a downer last week. Things didn't work out with a girl they were previously going well with. My head was being negative, I was keeping to myself.
I went into work and gave a big smile and HELLO! to the door guy, I started up a conversation with the guy who sits across from me (small things but it's not a very social office so at the best of times everyone just keeps to themselves). I spoke to people in grocery store. Had a chuckle on the subway. Just kept moving, smiling, don't stare at girls, give them a cheeky smile as you walk past and keep moving.

- Done the above? I bet your feeling a bit better inside, even if you're still a little down.
Cool? Now start meeting women again. Chances are, if you're low, it's about a girl. Or a few girls if someone pickups didn't go well or whatever. But you're right, if you're not in that headspace, any attempt to talk to a woman with the intention of making her like you will seem forced. It won't be fun and she won't be into it.
Get your head in that space and start talking to women again and now it'll be fun.

Worth a shot! Best of luck!

 

[Bboy100]

The first thing you need to ask yourself is this" Do you ALWAYS feel depressed? If you do, I would highly recommend seeking professional help. Chase does have an article on depression. As much as I respect the man, he's not a professional, so I wouldn't go off that. Especially since depression has many different causes and such, must be treated differently.

If however, you're just feeling lonely, which causes you to feel blue/down, and the thought of said loneliness makes you feel down/blue, but when you're not thinking about it, you feel ok, then I recommend you stop putting so much weight on having girls in your life. You're probably falling into the trap of defining your own worth by your ability to pickup girls. Since you're still a beginner, you define yourself as low worth. And said low worth makes you feel depressed. When you feel depressed, picking up girls becomes even harder for you. Rinse and Repeat.

Believe it or not, there are people who are in relationships with great girls who feel miserable. There are people who can pickup a girl any day of the week and are still miserable.

Having women in your life will NOT solve your problems. At least, not in the long run. You must first accept who you are and understand that you're a flawed human being, just like everyone else. Accept those flaws.

As cheesy as it sounds, list out all the things you think are wrong with you (this can include your inability to attract women right now), say them to yourself in front of the mirror. Then tell yourself its ok that you have these flaws. Then look yourself in the eye and say "I love you".

Yes, it seriously sounds gay as fuck, but it helps A LOT.

Most importantly, find something else which brings you fulfillment in your life other than women. Any hobby/sport/activity will do. As long as you can actively improve at it. In other words, things which are passive like watching tv and smoking weed don't count.

 

[ray_zorse]

ocantu there's really no clear answer to this, I know everyone will suggest things like affirmations, etc... but how I see it is basically that you are desperate, and the way you'll become less desperate is by collecting positive reference experiences (occasions where girls liked you and you didn't feel desperate), this is hard to do when desperate but it's possible. I mean hell, some girls don't even care if you're desperate, they just like you, because of how you look or speak or whatever. So it basically means you'll have to try extra hard in the beginning to (a) avoid the appearance of being desperate and (b) collect positive reference experiences. The good news is that it becomes less of a problem very quickly. You'd be surprised how just one reference experience turns your mindset around!

Another thing to keep in mind is that whatever emotion you're feeling, it's not something shameful. I mean, guy is built to have sex several times a week -> he doesn't get sex several times a week -> he desperately fucking wants sex several times a week. That's just biology, all guys are like that and it can't be denied. It's probably better to be totally honest and upfront about it, shameful things hide in dark corners, so you'll feel less ashamed about it if you simply own it. I'll illustrate this with an example from early in my dating career (this goes back to shortly after I discovered GC, about 6months ago I suppose). I was inspecting houses to try to improve my logistics and I got a bit of a flirt on with the agent so I called her up later on and got her out on a date. She asked me

Her: so why did you want to move to the city?
Me: oh there's just not much action around where I live...I want to lead more of a young guy lifestyle
...later...
Me: so what do you think of me so far?
Her: you sound a bit lonely
Me: (completely floored by this)...(stares at the floor for a moment trying to think of a response)...oh no i have a good life (qualifying myself)

I was discussing this with Austin White from sashapua.com last week (I bought a 1hr Skype coaching session cos I had some specific questions about their material and I highly recommend this)... and he said a better response would have been

Her: you sound a bit lonely
Me: that's very perceptive of you

So basically owning it and not trying to hide anything... and rewarding them for having noticed.

-Ray

 

[ocantu1987]

Personally.... this does the trick...

- If you're feeling low. Read Chase's article on depression. It's a great technique. You don't have to have depression but it works when you're feeling down. Basically, if you feel bad, "allow" yourself to feel bad for a set time. Go through the situation in your head if you have to. Then decide after 5 minutes, 1 hours, whatever you're going to stop. Literally shout "STOP" in your head when you think negative and think something happy or good. Turn on some good music or really whatever it is that gets you in a good mood. It's sort of a fake it til you make it, technique, ut if you force yourself to stop the negativity it eventually happens naturally.

- Talk to people. Yup! But not, like, pickup.
I was on a bit of a downer last week. Things didn't work out with a girl they were previously going well with. My head was being negative, I was keeping to myself.
I went into work and gave a big smile and HELLO! to the door guy, I started up a conversation with the guy who sits across from me (small things but it's not a very social office so at the best of times everyone just keeps to themselves). I spoke to people in grocery store. Had a chuckle on the subway. Just kept moving, smiling, don't stare at girls, give them a cheeky smile as you walk past and keep moving.

- Done the above? I bet your feeling a bit better inside, even if you're still a little down.
Cool? Now start meeting women again. Chances are, if you're low, it's about a girl. Or a few girls if someone pickups didn't go well or whatever. But you're right, if you're not in that headspace, any attempt to talk to a woman with the intention of making her like you will seem forced. It won't be fun and she won't be into it.
Get your head in that space and start talking to women again and now it'll be fun.

Worth a shot! Best of luck!

great advice estate! I do feel great when I talk to everybody, like some of my coworkers who I dont know. I never paid attention to it, but it also loosens me up for when I do talk to a girl. Ill make it a priority

I dont always feel this way, im thinking its my weight loss diet that has been given me mood swings, there are known to do that

 

[Drck]

It all depends on underlying causes, depression can be just brief and temporal, or it could be much severe and permanent.

There could be genetic predisposition for depression, imbalance of neurotransmitters, there could be environmental causes (e.g. break up with GF, death of close person, ...), there could be wrong personal believe system, there could be structural damage of the brain or insufficient oxygenation, it could be cause by improper nutrients and so on.

Because of that there is no single "cure", I would definitely try the recommendations above, and if it is not going to help seek a professional. Unfortunately even they can't many times help because all they know is to subscribe the same pills regardless of what the real cause is...