How do you stop hesitating?

[Orgasmatron]

I'm a pretty in-my-head kind of dude so I'm great at talking myself out of approaching.

Do you guys have any tips for getting over that and just doing it?

Hesitation is killing me. It's incredibly frustrating.

I think I'm fine once I'm 30 seconds into a conversation with a girl, and I can build the conversation into something once it's started. But it's getting from stranger to guy who she's happy talking to that I'm struggling with. A common problem I'm sure.

I know, just do it, and the 3-second rule (or 5 seconds or whatever it is), act fast basically.

But any tips for actually doing that?

Cheers

 

[Will_V]

I'm a pretty in-my-head kind of dude so I'm great at talking myself out of approaching.

Do you guys have any tips for getting over that and just doing it?

Hesitation is killing me. It's incredibly frustrating.

I think I'm fine once I'm 30 seconds into a conversation with a girl, and I can build the conversation into something once it's started. But it's getting from stranger to guy who she's happy talking to that I'm struggling with. A common problem I'm sure.

I know, just do it, and the 3-second rule (or 5 seconds or whatever it is), act fast basically.

But any tips for actually doing that?

Cheers

Being present works for me. Having my attention on my body, and not on any idea in my head. The way I see it, a beautiful woman makes me approach, I don't make myself approach. I merely question my body as to what it is that would be satisfying and exhilarating, and it tells me of the effect she has on me. Approaching is the natural continuity of that.

 

[topcat]

Don’t jack off for weeks. Go out with the intent to approach everyday but keep missing attempts. Do this everyday. Eventually wasting time and looking like a pussy in your own eyes will be far more painful than approaching. Then go say hi..

 

[Baron]

I know, just do it, and the 3-second rule (or 5 seconds or whatever it is), act fast basically.

Be careful with that. In the worst case scenario, following that rule can get you seriously beaten up. Take a bit of time to make sure she doesn't have some roided-up dude waiting around nearby.

 

[Orgasmatron]

Thanks guys, appreciate your advice, all super helpful.

I will go out and do 10 approaches tomorrow and report back.

If the shame of being seen as a total wuss in the eyes of complete stangers on the internet isn't enough to get me to do it, then I think there is no hope for me.

Cheers dudes, I hope you all get laid tonight.

 

[ulrich]

You never really stop hesitating.
Over time you gain momentum and grow confidence so you doubts shrink from “I have no idea what the fuck I am doing” to “I don’t know if she is going to want to fuck with me but whatever”.

It’s not much stop the hesitation as it is growing insensitive to it.

 

[Will_V]

You never really stop hesitating.
Over time you gain momentum and grow confidence so you doubts shrink from “I have no idea what the fuck I am doing” to “I don’t know if she is going to want to fuck with me but whatever”.

It’s not much stop the hesitation as it is growing insensitive to it.

That's very true, I was out the other day after a few days in a row and its funny, I felt a strong fear but I had no nervousness. My body and behavior was completely under control even though my mind was having existential second thoughts.
Thats what familiarity does for you.

 

[ThePoolPlayer]

For getting over approach anxiety. I feel it is really hard for it to be completely gone. You will be struggling with this always more than likely.

I would start just by asking a girl a question with no intention of asking her for her phone number. could ask for directions. Store clerks are great for striking up conversations if you are really anxious. You know stuff like that can get you approaching. Smaller steps first. Momentum too. Once you have approached a few it just keeps getting easier.

I don't like the 3 second rule much. Take in the environment. Is she in a hurry etc.

 

[Orgasmatron]

Hey gents,

I'm sure you've put all your plans on hold to await my return.

Sorry for my tardiness, but I was kidnapped by a hen night (bachelorette party, for our American cousins) that was up here in Edinburgh from Newcastle (think New Jersey on crack) for the weekend. They held me (not entirely) against my will in their hotel suite to be used as a sex slave.
They weren't much in the looks department, but the things they could do with their hips, my oh my. I've never felt like such a small boy in all my life.

So, anyway, I didn't manage the 10 approaches I'd intended, due to the aforementioned kidnapping incident, but I do feel I've gotten a handle on my approach anxiety and hesitation.

The fear has been replaced by an urge to go and talk to that cute girl over there after having had a few good interactions and some not nearly as bad as I'd imagined rejections, which generally have just made me chuckle.

I'm treating the whole thing as a bit of a laugh and just enjoying it and amusing myself. If I'm just having a laugh then it's nothing serious Io have to be anxious about.

Occasionally the cute girl I've surprised from behind joins in the laughter and plays along, and lets me down gently when she says she'd love to come back to mine for cigarettes and cunnilingus, but she has a boyfriend.

So I figure if I play the numbers game I'll eventually stop one who doesn't care so much about her boyfriend and will happily help me lose my virginity with her.

Also, thanks for the advice about hanging back for a few seconds to check the area that it's all clear of angry roidaholics.
I managed to avoid a few boyfriend incidents at the weekend by checking first to see if it was me she was looking around for or if she was just waiting for the guy she's settled for who doesn't quite possess my level of sexual magnetism.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to ups and downs that await me with my daygame adventure, and maybe a few ups and downs with a pair of Victoria's Secret models who are in town for the lingerie competition I posted about with a fake event page on Facebook last week.

Thanks guys for all our advice, much appreciated brothers!

 

[Lobo]

I found that following a process has made it a lot easier for me to not hesitate. I had this problem where I wouldn't react quick to massive AI's like girls eye fucking me. So I basically did drills where I would walk and imagine it happening and turn around and say whatever opener was on my mind. It has helped a lot. I figure that split second where I feel that sense to approach and I make the choice to do it or not is decided in large part by how confident I am in approaching. Early on, I'd see the ai, then be like "how tf do i open that"; later i'd see it, turn around and wuss out(not walk fast enough to catch up usually); these days, I'll see it and react instinctively. This is just one situation where you get an AI, but I feel like that kind of repetition might help you in other areas as well.

 

[Tr1cky]

@Baron that is terrible advice. No dude is going to fight you for hitting on his girl in a calibrated way.

Will some guys get aggressive? Yes (rarely), but you deescalate the situation and move on.

 

[Orgasmatron]

I'm not too worried about angry dudes to be honest.

I can handle myself.

I'll just give him a biff on the nose and that'll be that.

 

[Baron]

@Baron that is terrible advice. No dude is going to fight you for hitting on his girl in a calibrated way.

I said it was the "worst case scenario". Other situations: she may have a ring on her finger and the husband is nearby, she's waiting for a date, etc. Sure, you can follow that stupid rule and approach her in 3 seconds without taking the environment and circumstances into account and in 99% of cases you'll be physically fine. But why not take an extra few seconds and save yourself the inevitable outcome? And if you want to approach regardless, at least you'll know what you're working with.

Another case ... she might be walking towards a store or cafe like she's got a motor up her ass ... why not take more than 3 seconds and let her get inside and settle down before you approach? She's saying goodbye to a bunch of friends ... let her finish her goodbyes and then approach her while she's on her own instead of going in there like a jackass. She's being chatted up by some idiot ... wait for her to reject him or wait for the right moment to AMOG the guy. The list goes on.

 

[Orgasmatron]

well the taking some time to survey the situation helped me avoid a few boyfriend situations at the weekend, so it's not the worst suggestion in the world

 

[MUGENYI]

It is you to take the high % to solve anxiety problem.

Approach anxiety is a problem which
every guy with it has to himself find a solution working for him.

In my case, the solution I took was I "JUST DO IT". I didnt find any advice given useful.
Good luck

 

[Orgasmatron]

It is you to take the high % to solve anxiety problem.

Approach anxiety is a problem which
every guy with it has to himself find a solution working for him.

In my case, the solution I took was I "JUST DO IT". I didnt find any advice given useful.
Good luck

I'll do that then. Thanks!

 

[Skjöldr]

we all skip sets especially if we are not in the right state of mind, i.e. focusing on something else or not warmed up. the way i view it is like a muscle to be trained. "enter into action with boldness". i might even run really fast and really get in front of her like "HI!" a few times to really get warmed up. making sure to approach as soon as you notice her. so you train that rapid reaction in yourself. if you avoid something it will be easy to avoid it again. so make sure you kill that negative momentum and make it go your way, so that the more you do it the easier it will be to do it next time.

 

[Orgasmatron]

i might even run really fast and really get in front of her like "HI!" a few times to really get warmed up.

What? The same girl? She'll think that's a bit weird

 

[Skjöldr]

No lol