How does a kissless 21 yr old virgin who has regressed turn it around?

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I started out a bit late, read about game at 17 and at 18 would actively approach girls (had helicopter parents too which hurt me). Then at 19 I started realizing that some cute girls were actually into me and a few people growing up have said I am a good looking guy (that is back when I kinda overweight!). Seems like things were going well in the sense that I had girls that talked to me, chatted with me, and I even remember hanging out with a few girls when I was out at times. Girls that were above average looking were nice to me and I felt that I was going to finally make it. I unfortunately messed it up with 2 good looking girls that I knew were into me but I moved too slow (this was before I found Girlschase).

Then I had to transfer to another school because it had a major that my previous school didn't. The new school I am at is a big state university with a good party scene but it has a big greek life presence. I am too far along in college now to rush and ever since I have got here I have felt isolated. Never in the past have I had girls go cold or give me the glare when I approached them or tried to chat with them but it has happened now. I have had 2 girls that showed some interest in me during my classes, one just played me (led me on) while the other was only there for a semester and I was adjusting to life at my new school to even go anywhere with her.

Now here I am, haven't been on a date or had a kiss since I got here. Part of it has to do with my issues adjusting but girls here seem a lot more shallow and colder. I have mentally regressed to because I am feeling frustrated, angry, and bitter towards women which I know is not healthy. A new semester is about to begin and already my mindset is a joke due to so many failures here, what can I do?

 

[Smith]

Now here I am, haven't been on a date or had a kiss since I got here. Part of it has to do with my issues adjusting but girls here seem a lot more shallow and colder. I have mentally regressed to because I am feeling frustrated, angry, and bitter towards women which I know is not healthy. A new semester is about to begin and already my mindset is a joke due to so many failures here, what can I do?

You're taking these setbacks too personally. If you keep going like this, you're not gonna last. you need to understand failure is just part of the process and key to success.

Don't let your ego or fear put any meanings into these feelings of rejection, as James Marshall says.

It's always hard adjusting to a new environment, but u can either let it beat you or you can rise to the challenge =)

 

[PrettyDecent]

Altair,

Look, dude. No one can give you "the answer". Emotions, and in your case, self-pity, can't be out-thought. They can certainly be over-thought, and that's what's put you square one into depression. You just need to take action. And honestly, Altair, Chase and Franco themselves have been more accommodating in giving you advice. You're snagging advice from everybody (which is just the same advice over and over again), and then just going back into the same cycle, lurking on here for more validation (which is "of course you can do it, man!").

I was an 18 year old virgin myself and I'd never kissed a girl before. You can read about it in my Newbie Assignment. And when I'd started approaching I saw NO results. Rejection after rejection after rejection, day after day after day. But you know what? It's a year later and I've had 5 different girls in my bedroom in the last 5 days. I don't see hot girls for a second date if we didn't have sex on the first one. You know how I got there? Because I took action and didn't fucking stop until I saw the results. And I'm still not happy - I'm going to get even better until I can snag a new dream girl at the drop of a hat.

Take a moment to think what the biggest hindrance has been to your progress in seduction thus far...it's this: lack of time. You've been so busy feeling sorry for yourself and crying on everyone's shoulders, that you've lost out on all that time you could have been approaching and learning.

Get out there and post some FR's, so we can help give you advice in practical solutions. We'll help you if we know you're busting ass upgrading your abilities.

Otherwise, leave.

~Nick

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Legit guys, tough love and I love it but the problem is I am just lost now.

I literally had no one teach me shit about picking up girls and most of the times I got negative advice. Anyways I have looked at my biggest setbacks and the problem is when I had plenty of opportunities with girls at my last university I messed it up due to lack of experience and not moving fast enough. Just when I was realizing that and started to get better I came to my first university where I have been completely shut down.

So I can approach girls and talk to them, get their numbers, and do all that but I don't know where to go next. I have been told by Enigma that dates don't work for college students as well and I see what he is getting at but now I am wondering what I do if I do meet a girl at my new university that is receptive. Where do I go from there?

Yes I am feeling sorry for myself and it is becoming even worse because now that self-pity has turned into frustration and anger. I keep falling into Chase's victim mentality model because I keep thinking back to how helicopter parents and growing up in a backwards bumfuck town hurt me socially. It is not even that I want an "of course you can do it man!", I want a plan or someone to help me put together some sort of gameplan I can go forward with when school starts this semester.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Yes I am feeling sorry for myself and it is becoming even worse because now that self-pity has turned into frustration and anger. I keep falling into Chase's victim mentality model because I keep thinking back to how helicopter parents and growing up in a backwards bumfuck town hurt me socially. It is not even that I want an "of course you can do it man!", I want a plan or someone to help me put together some sort of gameplan I can go forward with when school starts this semester.

Here's a fucking gameplan

Step 1. Realize life is fucking hard, get over yourself, and handle your business. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Az3u-YcBndE
Step 2. https://boards.girlschase.com/viewtopic.php?f=45&t=7442&p=35444#p35444 Read this and do ALL of the suggested bullets
Step 3. Talk to girls

Wooooooooooooooo!

 

[Drck]

I would compare getting a girl (seduction) to swimming in a water. If you don't know how to swim, it is quite difficult to hear from someone "just go in the water and try it, move your hands and legs, just try to swim". But you can't do it because you are anxious and discouraged, maybe you tried couple of times but you still can't swim...

So what? If you can't swim grab a floating vest, go to the water, kick your feet and move your hands. Eventually you will start moving in some direction. After a while, you can remove that vest, and "all of the sudden" you will be swimming...

And once you are able to swim, all you will be able to say to those who can't swim: "Well, just go in the water and try it, move your hands and legs, just try to swim"...

But the swimming is not only about the swimmer, it is about the water too. The water doesn't really care if you can swim or not. The water is just there. It is just waiting. If you smim, the water lets you swim. If you just kick, ther water lets you kick. If you move, it lets you move. If you give up and let yourself drawn, well, the water will always be there regardless, waiting for others learn to swim...

"Just go out and talk to girls, just go out and push for sex" is the advice. It is the same advice like with swimming. No one can't make you do it, you have to. If you can't do it, grab a floating vest. GC is really good floating vest, you may find different equally good, but you won't find better. The vest is there, the water is there, the girls are there too. The girls will let you swim, the girls will let you talk to them, the girls are waiting for some guy to learn with them...

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Nice analogy!

That said, I looked at some other things holding me back and causing me my misery and I realized what they were. I don't know what lower my standards means but I just realized I have had some options with girls at my university but the problem is that they have mainly been from black and indian girls, neither race I am into. It hasn't been the more arabic looking indian girls either but the ones that practically look black. I am just not sexually attracted to girls of those backgrounds so in that sense I am limiting myself.

I don't want to go after girls I have no attraction for whatsoever but at the same time I am not having much luck with practically all other kind of girls. So the question I should ask is, how do you become a happy chump? I do the things that were listed on the link but I am still frustrated so how can I become happy with my terrible love life? I see guys who are uglier than me and out of shape out on dates with cute girls while I cannot go anywhere with them which frustrated me even more.

 

[Drck]

Learn to become happy WITHOUT any girl (without money, cars, titles, ...), be happy just the way you are, independently of everything else, independently of other people, what they thing or say about you. That is the key. Learn to meditate, relax, learn to like yourself the way you are. Then when you go someplace or meet someone, you will just bring that happiness with you. You won't need to "suck it" away from others because you'll have plenty of yours, and you will have plenty to give it away.

You also might want to examine your goals, your standards, they are too high. You want to nail XYZ girls, and there is nothing wrong with that. We all want that, we all want to nail 9/10 without effort, but most of us can't do that, and that is frustrating. We have to start with 5/10, then 7/10, and then - if lucky - we get what we want. You just can't get XYZ right away, you need to go through ABC and KLM first. Welcome to this fucked up world, enjoy it as much as you can!

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

what does a 5/10 look like? I personally prefer a 5/10 that is white over a 7/10 that is black (no racist), just how my mind works. Would like to get an idea of what exactly we are talking when we say 5/10, its not like I am approaching blonde bombshells, if anything I am staying away from those women because I know at this point in my life I cannot get them.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I am also going to remain honest here, I feel angry over this shit. It's like what am I even doing wrong? Guys uglier than me are getting girls and I am getting ignored. It is like I am going through things here at this college that I have not gone through at any other point in my entire life. All I know is that I am not done with college even when I graduate, after I graduate I am still going to remain on a college campus because I really want to right this wrong. I want fuck so many college girls and only fuck college girls my entire fucking life because I am so fucking frustrated at not having any fucking success with some god damned college girls.

 

[Drck]

What does a 5/10 look like? I personally prefer a 5/10 that is white over a 7/10 that is black
>>>> Well, this is just a relative grading. What you grade 5/10 can other guy grade 8/10 and vice versa. You can consider only looks whereas other guy(s) can add to it personality, education, social background, race and so on.

What I consider 8/10 is a rare girl: great looks, smart, educated, with great social background with whom I have great vibes. She could be white or Latina, it doesn't matter to me. I didn't personally meet many 8/10 girls in my life, perhaps just less than 5. I met 9/10 only once in my life. 10/10 doesn't exist, it is a dream girl (on my scale). I also met a lot of beautiful girls, they could be models and quite smart, but I can easily grade them 5/10 because I don't feel any vibes. I can also easily grade just average looking girl with couple extra pounds as 7/10, just because she has great personality and I feel great vibes. 3 and 4 out of 10 can still be quite good looking with good personality, but I am just not interested. So it all depends, it is all relative to what you consider important. This is only my scale and most guys probably have different measures.

On your scale, select the best looking girl that you ever met and that you had great vibes with. Grade her 9/10. Then cut her qualities and looks by half, and there is you 5/10... 5/10 is still attractive, you don't mind having sex with her, but you probably don't want to date her for a long time either.

 

[Drck]

I am also going to remain honest here, I feel angry over this shit. It's like what am I even doing wrong? Guys uglier than me are getting girls and I am getting ignored.
>>>> You are too fixated on white college girls, in your mind you just have to have sex with them. You are obsessed with that idea. Fixating on things may not be necessary bad, for example you want to get master degree and you go for it till it is done, but fixation on girls is quite different.

Girls can read your body language very well, they can read much more than you think and you don't even have to talk. By fixating on them you are placing yourself in chasing position, and the more you chase the further they run, and the more frustrated you get. NOT chasing is, as you know, quite often repeated on this site, and there is a good reason for it. Learn it, go back and read it ten times if you have to, it may not make sense at first but it is what it is.

In addition, you have a lot of negative emotions. You are frustrated and angry that you can't get white college girl, there is lots of negativity, perhaps even some vengeance in your attitude. Again, girls can read it in you, they can feel that you are not getting laid, and if you are not getting laid they will be kinda ignoring you as they don't see much sexual value in you.

Imagine you are a girl and you see a guy who has some anger issues, who is negative and frustrated, who is perhaps jealous of other guys that are getting laid, and who is after every girl he sees including you. Most likely you would try to ignore him too, hoping that he will get away from you. Or, you would even run far away from him if he approaches you, wouldn't you? I had couple of girls chasing after me, and it is not good feeling at all. It is annoying at best. Multiply it by 10 fold, and that is approximately how she feels when guy is chasing after her...

Get that idea of fucking white college girls out of your head. It doesn't work for you at all, the more you are trying the further away they run. Change your focus, find some 5/10 girls on your scale and try that. Try to be JUST FRIENDS with couple of those white college girls, no sexual intention at all, no dates, no inviting anywhere, no asking for numbers, just small casual talks. See how far it goes…

 

[Smith]

Throw out the scale as well.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/why-throw-out-1-10-scale-rating-women

Get a hobby or some other goals in life that you can feel happy about.

Right now, you're screaming neediness.

"The hungry don't get fed"

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Great post, yes you guys are right, I am coming off as desperate right now and it has turned itself into a vicious cycle. What I want to do know is how I can actually turn it around mentally? Even having read things about game I feel that I sometimes have issues getting the neediness part out of it. Looks like now I have found the one thing I do need to do to keep myself but I can't seem to do it. It's like with a lot of things I do, I get attached to that idea and I do it and do my best to pursue it. That's what is happening with me and the white college girls thing, I have put them on the pedestal and I don't know how to take them off of it. It's like I see them as above me and as trophies to be earned due to not having success with them growing up and now that I am a better version of me I am frustrated that I still cannot get them. Guess I won't be able to turn it around yet at all which sucks, seems like some things just aren't really meant to be but I can't deal with it.

 

[Mr.Rob]

What I want to do know is how I can actually turn it around mentally?

Come hell or high water, TAKE MASSIVE ACTION.

You won't change your life by changing your mental game. However, you can take physical actions that will inevitably change your mental headspace.

 

[LichtenbergFigures]

Altair, here's something that is frankly astounding... I haven't bedded a girl in 4 years. I'm 30.

Let's just digest that. 4 years.

There was a time I was bitter and angry towards women - why don't they find me attractive? Why are they only interested in my attractive male friends? What's so wrong with me? etc etc. But you know, I don't feel that way anymore. I know that the fault lies with me - mentally and physically. Its in how I carry myself, how I approach, how I initiate conversation, how I get girls to hook. Its my mentality and physicality. Its in every aspect of my being, that I must fundamentally re-evaluate and work on to become the man these girls want and need me to be. Only I can do that. Me. Women are women, being women, wanting what women want. And if that's not me, then they are not to blame. You have to learn to accept this fact and realise the path to success starts with YOU.

My path started about a year ago (frankly, I should have started earlier, but I regressed into a bitter and angry depression), when I started to upgrade my wardrobe; dress better. In the past few months I've also lost 2 stone in weight and I now look and feel much better about myself (and people comment on how much better I look too). And another thing, which you should really consider, is I've stopped putting women on pedestals. Whether she's a perceived 5 or 8, she's just a woman; college girl, lawyer, maid its all irrelevant. Once you achieve a more positive mindset and see women from all walks of life as an opportunity, approaching becomes much easier even with rejection. Just this weekend I approached a bridesmaid at a wedding I was DJing at - I got rejected with a gentle no, but I still walked away positive and proud that I was out there seeing opportunity everywhere I looked. And she was stunning.

I think there's a point you reach in your life when you have to say, "Enough's enough". You look in the mirror, tell yourself you're a man, and make it happen. Don't be another me ;-)