@Skills, neat thread.
@YS. &
@BigPapa, there is of course the attainability issue.
I did an article on the attainability side of improving your value a little over a year back:
As a high value man, it's easy to seem out of girls' leagues. A focus on the High Value Man Big 5 for attainability keeps you in-reach for women you like. Contents 1. How It Works for Valuable Guys 2. What to Do Different Don't Bust so Much Be Warmer/Less Abrasive Use More Humor Make Some...
www.girlschase.com
However, I will also tell you something I have done over the years as my finances have improved, so that money did not affect my personality. And also just as a guy who does not like spending money in general.
First, the checking account I have access to at any given time typically only has a small amount of money in it. Everything else I keep socked away elsewhere (savings accounts, business accounts, investment accounts, etc.).
When I go out, I follow a few rules:
- I take a set amount of cash with me. Whatever I've decided should be enough for the outing
- I leave debit and credit cards at home, save one emergency card, which I never use for discretionary spending, as it is only for emergencies
- I have no pay apps on my phone
I have done this forever, back to
when I was broke, primarily to control my own spending, and have just kept the habit...
people spend only 1/2 the money when they use cash vs. card, etc. I end up in situations where I am saying to myself, "I'd better not spend anymore, I won't have enough for a taxi back home and if I have to hoof it that'll be a long walk... and if there's a gal with me that is just not going to work at all." I frequently have had girls chip in for taxis anyway if I do not have enough small change: driver: "It's twenty-three" me: "Hey, I've got a twenty... do you have a five or a ten?"
I went through a period at first where mentally I'd be going, "This is silly I am doing this. I can easily afford all this stuff now!" And there was a small desire to throw around money. But I kept my money habits as they were and those thoughts went away.
I basically had to decide on "I could live a more high roller lifestyle if I wanted to now. Do I want to?" and the answer to that was "no." Money to me is a safety net / backup, and then for leveraging to build cool, fun things that are useful and helpful to lots of people. And that the best way to not fall into frittering money away on frivolities was to keep the habits in place I had.
(some guys view money as a play thing, for them to use for lifestyle stuff, to have fun with. If that is your view of money, then maybe there is not much helping becoming a big spender once you have money to spend. I have known guys like this, and as fast as they made money, they also spent it. Sure looked like a great lifestyle they led while they were spending it all out though, I will say! Only catch is once the opportunities to make money run dry, and the money runs out, these guys often have a hard time adapting back to living a low/no-money lifestyle again)
I see guys in the VIP sections of nightclubs who, when you talk to them, are paying for everything with their credit cards, and many are struggling to pay that off later. I had a friend I used to roll with who confessed after a year of him paying for VIP outings and fine dining and expensive spas and massages that he'd wracked up $80K in credit card debt doing this and had to stop partying so he could start paying off the lifestyle he'd lived. Most of the time I'd roll with his crew they had the same girls around; these guys were not going out and meeting new girls in the club.
Usually I'd just leave them at their comfortable VIP booth and go pick up girls on my own. Eventually I just largely didn't bother rolling with them anyway, unless I felt like just chilling out in a booth sipping on drinks somebody else paid for that night.
This is not to say there's not an effective style of high roller / VIP game. There certainly is; I've seen some variations. If you've got the money to burn, and you
want that lifestyle, you could develop it. I know there are guys on the boards here who want that lifestyle, and they want it beyond a pure "I need it to get girls" motivation -- they just want the lifestyle. Lookin' at you,
@Oh Pry.
But if you are a guy who's already figured out girl-getting without throwing money around, and you improve your financial position, you will need to decide if you want to start using money, then go through an adaptation period where you spend however long learning how to be able to use money effectively while also keeping your attainability on point... or if you just want to stick yourself to your old spending habits, and keep gaming the way you were.
I don't even think about money as useful for lifestyle these days. Beyond having enough to pay for a couple drinks and taxis and maybe cover at a few nightclubs (and I don't even like to pay those, as it eats into whatever cash I brought), I'm not really sure how else a bunch of money would be useful.
"Hey, let me buy you an expensive drink!" --> there are lots of guys who can do this for her:
- Some of those guys are using credit cards they'll struggle to pay off
- Some of those guys are using the bonus they got from work and they won't have money for that anymore by next week
- Some of those guys are drawing down the trust fund or inheritance their parents left them, and it will run out
- Some of those guys spend all their paychecks on partying and have negative net worths
Once a girl's been on the party scene for even a few months, she has figured out that there are lots and lots of guys who will use this strategy, and that it doesn't tell her anything about the guy. It doesn't tell her his actual financial position or his long-term financial prospects.
It doesn't tell her if he's kind or generous or is going to stick around and be a good provider or anything else guys sometimes think this says about them. Lots of manipulative men will use outlays of money to try to get what they want. Paying for stuff for women is a very "noisy signal."
Some of the guys here use small amounts of money to good effect.
@Teevster buys shots for girls, I know -- shots are often not expensive, and they have a very fun and often sexual connotation (people by shots for each other to get drunk quick, to have fun, and often before they go to hook up).
And occasionally you may be in a situation where it is just going to be necessary for you to pay for things to keep rolling smoothly. e.g., if you're on your way out of the venue with her and they tell her it's $5 to claim her coat, but she's out of cash. You can stand there and she can get flustered and all the good emotions get spent, or you can pay 5 bucks and you and her are out of there. In that case, pay the 5 bucks, and take her home.
However, other than small things like this, my general thought on money is "money only helps you keep around the girls who don't like you."
That might be different for guys who've cracked a good approach for using money with women.
If you haven't though, and you have game that works fine without it, you don't need it, and in fact it only confuses things usually, by keeping women around you who aren't going to go home with you anyway.
So... you might just want to leave the cards at home and bring a small amount of cash with you instead.
Hard to act like a moneyed man when you're worried about whether you've still got enough to pay for your cab ride home!
Chase
