Socializing How i approach girls in the gym

[Skjöldr]

Hey guys

Since i go to the gym alot, it's one of my favourite places to approach girls alongside parks, streets and grocery stores. Proportionally i do alot of my approaches here compared to others who do daygame (or so i believe). Let's get to it

Fundamentals
Be in shape. Be good looking. No way around here. It's a bit like a social circle situation with a sub-conscious social hierachy. I have alot of people i talk and greet in the gym. Old classmates, people i have chatted up for a long time in the gym etc. Be a fit, social guy, the alpha/sigma. You only have 3-5 minutes so make them count. You gotta subcommunicate as much high value as possible. No woo woo palm reading here. Project strong body language, social proof (directly and indirectly), voice projection, eye contact etc. That said, i once #-closed a bikini model contestant with pizza sauce on my t-shirt, because it was late at night and i couldn't be bothered. Still, maximize your strengths. Good vibe and energy is also extremely important here. The best way to improve your energy and vibe when going in, and you must go in remember this, is through experience. In the beginning when i was new to approaching girls in the gym, i was trippin. Lot of people watching, the same people you will see alot. This is intimidating for a beginner. But remember A) most have music in their ears and can't hear shit. Try it next time. Plug your pods in and watch two people talk in the gym from 5 meters away. You don't know if they're selling drugs or talking about the weather. B) most are without earshot with all the other noise in the gym C) even if they could hear you they probably don't give a fuck, you could be old friends, it could be anything and D) Who cares what other people things. Remember: She feels what you're feeling. If you're slouching and mumbling and sending out bad energy, she's gonna feel those bad vibes and get creeped out. Enter into action with boldness. Hesitation causes rejection. When you decide to do it, you must go and do your best. If you have good energy, smiling, sending her good vibes, she's gonna calm down and open up. Calmed nerves? Good. Let's move on to opening.


Opener
90-95% of the time i'll say either
A) "Hi, i haven't seen you here before, what's your name?"
B) "Hi, i've seen you a few times here, what's your name?"

See? Literally dumbass proof. Either you see her alot or you don't. I usually go with A), because most of the time i make sure to approach her within the first or second time i see her in the gym. That's just how i am. These days i spend more time scheming a perfect way to get into her proximity and deliver my opener, than i do talking myself out of doing it. No more missed opportunities. I will either grab a rack close to her, get some water/towels/equipment near her and open her. Even just walking past looking like you thought you forgot something like your keys/phones near her works fine. Just get in her proximity first and then open. If she's beside me or behind me from where i'm working out i will just turn around and take my earpods out and look at her until she looks up. She will look at you. Then she will take her own earpods out if she's wearing any and then you open. Not everytime it's gonna be this perfect. The most perfect time is running into her on the parking lot going in or out of the gym, but again, very rare, and don't talk yourself out of doing it because "you will try catching her on the lot some other time". Don't.


Mid-game
This is my favourite part. I like to start out with "what are you training today?", "What are you listening to?", "You doing any other sport besides lifting weights?" Don't go interview mode. If she says she's training legs and ass don't say "ah cool, so what are you listening to?" and "ah cool, so what sports do you do?"

If she says she's training legs and ass, do some teasing, like "So you ever train upper body?" Her: "Haha, no" Me: "Really? Come on you gotta give the arms some love every now and the" Her: "Nooo, i don't want muscular arms, what about you, what are you training?"

Then "So what sports do you do other than working out?" Her: "I like to dance" Me: "What kinda dancing, hip hop or river dance?" You don't wanna get too goofy either. Just a few teasing, playful twists to spike things up and knock her out of auto-pilot.
Then will probe her to see if she's hooked. I will ask her something like "So what else do you do in life?" And she will say she's going to a school that has natural science theme, let's say, i'll say "woow so you're kinda nerdy haha" and she will say "haha i guess you could say so, what about you, what do you do?" And you know she's hooked. Then you just get to know eachother and close and go back to working out. If she's not hooking and investing at that point i will say "What about your boyfriend, he didn't wanna come work out today?" Or something to screen her indirectly for relationship status. You'd be surprised at the amount of girls who don't invest do it because they have a boyfriend (or atleast say so). Anyways, uninterested or unavailable or both. If she seems shy or just need some more work, you can try some more and then leave some space for her to invest. Sometimes i will force it and say "So you're a nerdy hip hop dancer who likes to squat. It seems i know your life story. What would you like to know about me?" And then get her investing or you could tease her and say "come on, ask something more interesting ;')" or "come on, you can do better ;')" and then get her investing, spike her emotions and then close. (Courtesy of James Tusk)


Close
"I'm gonna continue working out now, but i enjoy talking with you. Let's meet up some other time" and then shut up and ideally she goes "Sure!" And you go "cool, what's your number?" and grab her digits. Lil something you can throw in there is "I'm a bit busy this week, but i bet i can squeeze you in some time, what's your schedule?" Often she'll say "ohh i'm not sure i will take a look when i get home" and then just say "Cool, talk soon. Enjoy your workout" and then you part ways. Maybe tap her shoulder or back or shake her hand when you walk away. Sometimes i fist bump because of the whole corona shit. Whatever i feel like.

Closing thoughts
-As for direct vs indirect, i personally go direct almost every time in other situations, but gyms are different for me. Saying "I haven't seen you here before, what's your name?" I guess is an observational opener (indirect). Then you ramp up the attraction with sub-communication and push-pull, teasing, Cocky funny, roleplay etc. That's how i am. I might have a tendency to be too goofie. I have thought about this and will try fixing and experimenting to see if it is detrimental for my results. Anyways, i advice you don't open with a direct compliment. You can say something verbally direct in your mid game, if the situation's for it, but open with something situational/observational is my take.
- I tend to steer clear of groups of girls working out unless i catch them on the parking lot or if there's not alot of people around. Better off going for lone girls.
-If she's in front of me and without my proximity, unless not alot of people are around, i usually don't do it. Good rule of thumb, the more people around you, the more proximity you need
-Feel free to mix up your workout schedule. Benefit is that it's a whole 'nother croud so you have less reputation issues and recognition, downside is less social proof. On weekdays i go after work and on weekends i usually go in the morning or late evening

Feel free to add your thoughts, experiences, disagreements, agreements etc. Cheers

 

[DarkKnight]

Great post bro:

I have some different experiences though, people, especially guys do keep in check when you are opening. The other day I opened 2 girls and I sensed the vibe in the environment changing, especially since they were really receptive. People do keep tabs on each other. This is not to demotivate, since I tend to do my thing regardless. Especially when you start to be succesful, would be amogs can increase. It's important to know how to deal with them. Also girls autoreject when they see you talk to other girls hahah so it's important to calibrate there.

When I don't have proximity I just create proximity. Suddenly I have to do some exercise next to her, easy.. and then "coincidentally" I talk with her.

I agree lonewolfs are easier... but I don't think its a bad idea to open groups of girls.. at least you break the ice... But I do restrict how long I talk with them.. I dont want to become a friend or their friend.

There are actually lots of nuances to gym game...

I do not immediately agree in being in the best shape ever either. Yes it can be a great boon, but girls still can get intimidated even in gyms. It was easier for me to connect with girls when I was less in shape.. nowadays they can get intimidated.

The ironic part is a lot of these big buff guys can barely open or game girls..


One thing I want to add and which is really important.. the gym is an extended social circle.. but do not fall into the trap that you need anyones approval to open girls there. Disregard the idea of people having authority except for things concerning exercises. I feel that a lot of people do not feel allowed (seriously) to open girls.. and I do agree with Peter that being one of the top dogs helps disregarding that kind of social pressure.

These days when I get into a new gym I can be very ballsy and this can create ressistanve from the environment but I hve learned to deal with that and use it to my advantage... its an experience thing.

 

[Velasco]

Good stuff, peter.

I like how there's a couple of rule of thumbs here that can be applied outside the gym for that early pre-hook -> hooked stage, such as

Opener
90-95% of the time i'll say either
A) "Hi, i haven't seen you here before, what's your name?"
B) "Hi, i've seen you a few times here, what's your name?"

These days i spend more time scheming a perfect way to get into her proximity and deliver my opener, than i do talking myself out of doing it.

Having just one canned opener (and/or a slight variation of that canned opener) you feel confident/comfortable using (its not cringy to you) eliminates Approach Anxiety. Gets you thinking about timing/proximity VS "what they hell do I say when I approach her".

This is my favourite part. I like to start out with "what are you training today?", "What are you listening to?", "You doing any other sport besides lifting weights?"

Canned questions relevant to the environment/what she's doing (its not weird that you'd ask her these questions in this environment) that you can tease her on/vibe on via similarity principle. And can also DHV on, were she to ask you the same question in return (i.e., what other sports do you do?")

If she's not hooking and investing at that point i will say "What about your boyfriend, he didn't wanna come work out today?" Or something to screen her indirectly for relationship status.

And then screening for sexual availability early on (I've read your journal entry, where you talked about how experience taught you to start doing this early on in your interactions).

 

[Skjöldr]

Great post bro:

I have some different experiences though, people, especially guys do keep in check when you are opening. The other day I opened 2 girls and I sensed the vibe in the environment changing, especially since they were really receptive. People do keep tabs on each other. This is not to demotivate, since I tend to do my thing regardless. Especially when you start to be succesful, would be amogs can increase. It's important to know how to deal with them. Also girls autoreject when they see you talk to other girls hahah so it's important to calibrate there.

Never had any AMOGs or close so far. Even then, flip the script with another positive mindset. "People might intervene and that is good because that will put my skills to the test and i will really learn from it. My balls will double in size from that experience."

When I don't have proximity I just create proximity. Suddenly I have to do some exercise next to her, easy.. and then "coincidentally" I talk with her.

+1

I agree lonewolfs are easier... but I don't think its a bad idea to open groups of girls.. at least you break the ice... But I do restrict how long I talk with them.. I dont want to become a friend or their friend.

I usually wait to see if she shows up alone some day. Just to max results. She's already being picked up at the gym, so she's already self-conscious about her reputation. Having her friends around doesn't help your case.

One thing I want to add and which is really important.. the gym is an extended social circle.. but do not fall into the trap that you need anyones approval to open girls there. Disregard the idea of people having authority except for things concerning exercises. I feel that a lot of people do not feel allowed (seriously) to open girls.. and I do agree with Peter that being one of the top dogs helps disregarding that kind of social pressure.

These days when I get into a new gym I can be very ballsy and this can create ressistanve from the environment but I hve learned to deal with that and use it to my advantage... its an experience thing.

True, don't let it hold you back, but i still think the social proof is helpful. I don't mind being social in the gym and i already have some buddies there, so i'm just gonna expand on that. You could try and run lone wolf sigma game in the gym. I haven't tried it, because i regular the same gym. To me being the social, outgoing, upbeat, confident guy who chats people up in the gym, guy or gal, seems to work well.

 

[DarkKnight]

I'm a bit too impatient to wait until chicks are solo... and girls who are in groups tend to always come in groups.. But you already said you are trying to maximize your results... I am a bit too impatient for that.. or I have to find a girl really special (which is rare, even then I'd rather pounce).

I do run lone wolf sigma but I am also heavily social proofed... I tend to make friends fast with the top dogs.. You know how it goes, real recognizes real. I do not hang unto groups though, for the reason that it can make you inflexible with training and gaming girls.

I did have some really persistent AMOG's though... But I understand them, they have seen how I stole the show or gotten with girls more than once so they see you as a threat. Some of them are covert (biding their moment while hovering) or a bit more in my face. To this day I didn't lose a girl to an amog, but I have to be honest I do not give it a "positive" spin, those chumps just have to stay out of my way. If there is one thing I hate it is losing chicks to random wildcards, so I curb these guys before they grow into pests. Usually I surprise them by being brutal.. they expect civility, I don't give it to them. Or I downright ignore them with backturns , things like that. Most of them get demotivated fast haha. I am not about to compromise with what is mine by right..

I have lost a very beautiful (non gym) girl many years ago because I was cockblocked spectacularly by a clueless friend... after that I have learned to be ruthless when a girl that I like is around.

By the way I do not regular the same gym, because I find that it after a time becomes really stale.. This is why I switch up places.. I have multiple memberships so this is easy for me to do!

 

[Skjöldr]

Good stuff, peter.

I like how there's a couple of rule of thumbs here that can be applied outside the gym for that early pre-hook -> hooked stage, such as


Having just one canned opener (and/or a slight variation of that canned opener) you feel confident/comfortable using (its not cringy to you) eliminates Approach Anxiety. Gets you thinking about timing/proximity VS "what they hell do I say when I approach her".

Canned questions relevant to the environment/what she's doing (its not weird that you'd ask her these questions in this environment) that you can tease her on/vibe on via similarity principle. And can also DHV on, were she to ask you the same question in return (i.e., what other sports do you do?")

And then screening for sexual availability early on (I've read your journal entry, where you talked about how experience taught you to start doing this early on in your interactions).

Yeah i'm very comfortable with that opener. "I haven't seen you here before, what's your name?" also kinda translates into "I talk to alot of people here, this is my turf, who are you? Haven't seen you before" haha. I like to start out with questions relating to fitness and then i tease her a bit back and forth on that and reach the hook point and go into basic rapport building. To me it is silly to have "gym game" "grocery store game" "street game" etc in daygame locations, my MO is the same for all of them except for slight variations in the opener and tiny variations in my mid game and close. They are all almost the same thing. 90% of it is just grabbing your balls and going over there ahaha

The proximity thing is very good. You hover into her orbit and open. It's more under the radar and law of least effort and all that. Better than walking right across the gym to open her. Get close. Like @DarkKnight said, move close to her and do an exercise or something or grab some equipment.