How long till approach anxiety dies

[lindsayrrr]

Hey guys

Just wanted to know whether approach anxiety will ever disappear.I haven't been consistently approaching, due to AA, but lately I've been wondering whether I should switch my focus to eliminating the fear by mass approaching or just continue trying to improve my approach (when I approach here and there). If I try to kill AA will it eventually die or is it something that haunts you forever.
It's a real obstacle at the moment and I know my results will somewhat improve when I get it handled.

 

[Alchemist]

The first time I cold approached was around 2012. Last time I cold approached was 2 days ago. I felt pretty much the same fear in both cases, however, I've taught myself to enjoy the feeling of triumph after approaching and suppressing my fear at the same time.

It'd be interesting to hear those who are much more experienced than me, but IMHO, don't hold your breath for the anxiety to go away. Try to work with it/around it.

 

[Bboy100]

Think of AA like developing a muscle. If you go to the gym every day, you'll start getting more fit, stronger and be able to lift more weight etc. Whereas if you stop going for even a month or so, you'll have a noticeable drop in strength.

AA is the same way. Except that it all happens in a much shorter time span. Even if you've never talked to a girl in your entire life, I guarantee you if you go up to 25 girls in one night, AA will be gone...at least temporarily. Similarly, all it takes is a day or two without talking to a girl, for at least some of it to come back. If you go a full month, most of it will be back. In three months, it'll feel almost the same as when you first started.

So the answer is...it depends. If you talk to enough girls throughout your day, AA will be gone forever. But this has to become your lifestyle. If you ever stop (even for a day or two), you'll have to fight at least some AA.

So realistically, unless your job is a PUA coach, or a club promoter or something else which basically requires you to be talking to random women all day, its unlikely that you'll be able to build a lifestyle which completely destroys AA. But as the alchemist said, it can be reframed as a positive thing. As a rush...a thrill. Not something you dread.

 

[lindsayrrr]

Think of AA like developing a muscle. If you go to the gym every day, you'll start getting more fit, stronger and be able to lift more weight etc. Whereas if you stop going for even a month or so, you'll have a noticeable drop in strength.

AA is the same way. Except that it all happens in a much shorter time span. Even if you've never talked to a girl in your entire life, I guarantee you if you go up to 25 girls in one night, AA will be gone...at least temporarily. Similarly, all it takes is a day or two without talking to a girl, for at least some of it to come back. If you go a full month, most of it will be back. In three months, it'll feel almost the same as when you first started.

So the answer is...it depends. If you talk to enough girls throughout your day, AA will be gone forever. But this has to become your lifestyle. If you ever stop (even for a day or two), you'll have to fight at least some AA.

So realistically, unless your job is a PUA coach, or a club promoter or something else which basically requires you to be talking to random women all day, its unlikely that you'll be able to build a lifestyle which completely destroys AA. But as the alchemist said, it can be reframed as a positive thing. As a rush...a thrill. Not something you dread.

Hey Bboy100

This really helped man. I understand that its something that needs to be controlled regularly and not something that goes away completely. I experience this everyday before the first approaches but afterwards I'm much more calm and feel little hesitation.

Thanks man

 

[Raqimus]

It never really goes away, it is always sitting there lurking. Just know and internalize that once you do that first approach of the day even to just warmup or have it go nowhere, compliment someone or just do things you wouldn't do it gradually diminishes until your brain is like ive done this its not bad, lets do it.

 

[lindsayrrr]

Hey guys

Been thinking and would like hear thoughts about this.
Where I'm from the default method for killing approach anxiety is alcohol or drugs. What I've seen though is that the guys who do this have a personality change under the influence. Unfortunately this leads to lots mistakes during the seduction like diseases and pregnancy (where I currently stay its considered weird when you're over 21 but have no kid/s).

What we learn on the site though is to avoid this and confront the fear directly. Cool.
But from what I've read AA never 'goes away'. I've also experienced this. So we have to build social momentum to 'get in the zone'. It needs to be done everytime you meet women.
Problem: If AA never goes away then aren't we following a similar process as the guys who use drugs ( I use this and I feel confident/ I approach X times then I feel confident).
Of course our 'side effects' aren't negative but it gets you thinking: Will we ever get to the point where its possible to execute a successful approach first time, with zero momentum?

 

[Bboy100]

Will we ever get to the point where its possible to execute a successful approach first time, with zero momentum?

Sure. I've done this plenty of times. When we say "AA goes away after a few approaches", we mean that we no longer feel nervous about talking to random women. But that doesn't mean you can't be successful on your first approach. Just because your nervous or anxious does not mean you can't have a good conversation.

Also, I've noticed that there are some days where I just feel good. I'm just exceptionally happy or positive for whatever reason. On days like those, I have no AA to begin with. But this takes time and experience to be able to do. When I first started, I felt nervous about talking to women even on the best of days.