How not to fail the escalation? How much resistance is too much?

[razir110]

I had this really cool date with a girl. It was pretty romantic type we clicked really well and spent the whole date holding hands and talking about relationships in general, sex, etc. Really cool stuff. I invited her home and she came over.

A few mins later I started to try to kiss her and she started resisting. I kisser on her neck, touched around her boobs, but she always resisted and cut it off. I did for like 4-5 times and decided to back off. We had dinner and then I still tried again a few times, but still resistance. So I ended up taking her home.

Didn't get a text after the date and I am wondering if I missed the escalation window and should have pushed more. But here is the problem:

How much resistance is too much? When to insist and when to call it a day? Does it mean that if she is in your place she absolutely wants sex and the resistance is 99% of times fake?

What is an acceptable level of persistence? Would you guys sort of grab the girl and pull her towards you in a firm way? I just feel that when I need to force something on a girl, I am passing the limit and she might be upset. How do you guys see this limit?

And do you think there are situations when she actually WANTS to do it some next time and just isn't ready for it yet with you (even if she came to your place after an intensive date)?

And most importantly,
How should I proceed now? Should I just wait until she texts me? I mean she would if she still were interested, probably it's now bad to go after her if this was indeed a failed escalation. On the other hand, maybe it would be better to just text her tomorrow and invite her over for dinner while the story between us is still fresh in her mind.

Best!

 

[Seppuku]

Hey razir,

First, you got the girl at home and went almost to the end, that's 95% of job done, so give yourself a little pat in the back.

You got LMR, it's probably because she viewed you more as a BF than as a lover - but this happens. When to decide to stop? Well, if she refuses once, you should definitely persist. But if she still refuses after trying four or five times, that's when you've reached the stop line. In general, you'll have to feel when does a no really means no. And if it's still a no after a good amount of persistence, you need to let go.

About her viewing you more as BF - a likely cause of LMR. Check for yourself how the date went with her. Did you unintentionally gave off the wrong vibe?

How to overcome LMR? There is no one foolproof approach.

I've had some cases that I was not able to overcome and had to give up. Here is one example from my journal. This one disappeared from the radar very quickly after the failed escalation.

I've had some cases of in principle LMR "I really can't be having sex with you on the first date", but on second date was just fine. A case of "I'm not a slut, I'm hard to get". Here is a perfect example. Comments from Grand Pooba. I hard to work on the reconnect after the LMR. Then later we had another date and happy ending. Which shows that getting LMR is not necessarily the end of the world, and can be sometimes be recovered from on a later date.

I've had some cases where I vanquished the LMR through persistence. That LR is an example. It was quite a fight to remove that trousers. Gosh. But it was worth it. Beneath these clothes, some hourglass body type was hidden, kept my dick very hard for months. I went on to see this girl regularly for more than a year after that.

I've had some cases where I vanquished the LMR with a strong push-pull; see this LR. Here I had to strongly withdraw (=push) after I got the first signs of LMR, by letting her know that the chance was gone, it was now or never. I killed off her hopes to get me to chase her ass for sex. Then got her with "OK no sex, but I want to see your boobs". LOL. She was very sexy. I would have kept her, but unfortunately (a couple of months later) she went bitchy and blew up at my face. Which was an instant bye.

Among some of the tricks I've used, the "different room, different mood". It worked a few times. I start escalation in my living room. If I start getting LMR, I get her to follow me in my bedroom. The view of the bed is sometimes enough to help convince her.

What to do next?

In any case *do not* chase. You have to re-approach her by text, and sense if she is still willing to see you again. Always remain low-key. Then re-seduce her like nothing happened, as if it was the first date again.

I hope this helps.

Seppuku

 

[razir110]

Hey @Seppuku

Thanks for the reply!

The date was very romantic, we spent the whole time holding hands, etc, so yes she probably sees me as bf material, which is ok with her tbh.

But do I have to wait or just reengage the next day asking her to come to my place for dinner, while she is still thinking of me? Or should I give radio silence and restart very slowly? Or should I even wait for her to call me?..

 

[Seppuku]

But do I have to wait or just reengage the next day asking her to come to my place for dinner, while she is still thinking of me? Or should I give radio silence and restart very slowly? Or should I even wait for her to call me?..

There is no recipe. There is only a general "devil may care", non chasey attitude which, in general, gives much better results.

"While she is still thinking of me" this is usually very tricky. Guys rush to do things they shouldn't be doing, because they're afraid to be forgotten overnight. Don't worry, she's thinking about what happened at least as much as you do. The sort of experience you gave her is not happening to her that often.

On the opposite giving her a little bit of radio silence is not bad, it builds tension "Is he thinking of me?" and gives her a little room. You may have the surprise of seeing her coming back to you first. BUT give it two or three days max. If still nothing from her you re-engage.

It may, or may not work. But remember, it is not what you text, it is what already happened, that will, or will not make her back.

Seppuku

 

[razir110]

@Seppuku,

Thank you for your advice mate

About the LMR.. So if she sees you as a potential bf, she will pretty much always resist and now allow you to move forward, right?

Is it correct to say that there are, sort of, two types of resistance, the BF LMR that means you won't sleep with her no matter how much you insist because she doesnt want "to ruin" it with you and the "normal" LMR that is just meant to test you, but eventually she knows she will give you sex?

 

[razir110]

To add to my last comment. Like why on Earth would a girl that isn't sexually interested would go home with you?

But ones you are there, she starts to resist A LOT like really a lot. So yeah, is it because of the boyfriend image?.. Like she is thinking "I will go to his place, tease this guy but wont allow him any further?"

Because I am really afraid to jsut assume that the resistance is always bullshit and start to move on her more aggressively.

 

[Seppuku]

razir,

Is it correct to say that there are, sort of, two types of resistance, the BF LMR that means you won't sleep with her no matter how much you insist because she doesnt want "to ruin" it with you and the "normal" LMR that is just meant to test you, but eventually she knows she will give you sex?

the "normal LMR" you describe here is not real LMR, it's just a test to see if you will chicken out or go through. It won't bother you much.

What you call BF LMR is the real LMR, which usually arise for a variety of reasons, one of them being because she was viewing you as a potential BF and was hoping to make you chase a little longer before sleeping with you (if at all). But another possible reason is her Anti Slut Defense kicking in - "I am not a Slut, and I can't have sex that fast".

To add to my last comment. Like why on Earth would a girl that isn't sexually interested would go home with you?

But ones you are there, she starts to resist A LOT like really a lot. So yeah, is it because of the boyfriend image?.. Like she is thinking "I will go to his place, tease this guy but wont allow him any further?"

Because I am really afraid to jsut assume that the resistance is always bullshit and start to move on her more aggressively.

Not at all man! She was NOT leading you on.

You need to understand one thing about girls psychology. There is this strong sexual desire to fuck you, which is instinctive, and most of the time not even conscious. This one is deeply buried inside them. And then there is this rational level, this little voice in the head, fully conscious. And sometimes, that little voice is telling them "Wait! What am I about to do here? Noooo, I am not a slut!!!!"

So, she came home with you because she was indeed sexually interested (although most probably more at the instinctive level, at this stage...), but then the voice kicked in, and she rationalized that she can't be having sex that fast. She has to take care about her own self-image "I am a good girl".

There are ways around the LMR. There are ways to communicate the both her instinctive level, and her rational level, and take care of both. It depends mostly on how you present yourself initially. Some guys get a lot of LMR (see the LRs of Ree on these Boards). Others don't get much. In my case, it's maybe 15 or 20% of the time, max. Most of the time, I don't get any.

You need to read more articles from Chase on the main GC site.

Seppuku