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how often to text

killerman

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
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Dec 8, 2014
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453
Ok, there's this girl i was seeing for a couple weeks, who's now gone back home. she says she's gonna come back here every so often so is up for meeting up when she comes down. Now I'm not a big texter, only use them for setting up dates, so how often do i text until she comes back? every week, every 2 weeks, not at all and just wait for her to text me?
 

ray_zorse

Modern Human
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Aug 12, 2014
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In my opinion, as little as possible. My reasoning is that it doesn't really help to build attraction, and there's a huge risk of it killing attraction. Why take the risk? On the other hand, it's really, really hard to put this into practice. If you like the girl it's almost impossible to prevent emotion creeping in. But I think it would pay off in the long haul. I've had a number of issues with too much texting lately. Let me explain. Hope it helps.

Firstly, with my recent trip to Japan to do daygame, I ended up with a shitload of numbers in my phone of girls that I didn't have time to see. One of them I particularly liked, day before I left she texted me something like "do you have space?" and I misunderstood and made some dismissive joke about being a spaceman, her English was not too bad but I didn't expect her to use that word in the context of dating window. So I thought it was pretty much over. But she continued responding and I hit her up every few weeks, however I did not really make clear that I was coming back to Japan and was intending to see her at that time. I over-invested and tried to tease/flirt over text which didn't come off right. She's now stopped responding. Sigh. So, I learned a lot about texting game. But I'd say it's too risky to text a lot, unless your texting game is a lot better than mine. Far better would have been no contact at all, followed by 3 months later a "hey, I'm in Osaka now, let's meet up if you have space". In fact, all the girls followed a similar pattern -> hit them up every 2 weeks or so, they respond less and less enthusiastically, and stop.

Now another scenario which I think is probably more relevant to you, coming back from JP I called in to visit a girl I was long gaming over Skype and it went super well, at the end of the time she asked if she was my girlfriend and I said no, I can't do LDR. So we continued to text several times a week (this was actually a precedent that had been set before I laid her), and I went to see her a second time, and it got even more serious, and we continued to text every 2 days or more frequently. I have the feeling this might be why it's gone sour -- too much exposure to me, although there are some other issues too that I've posted in another thread. Now it's kinda dried up, she responds if I text but no more. I reckon that's what'll happen if you keep texting this girl -- she'll be enthusiastic at first, but gradually you'll become too available and a burden. Especially if you're going for a FWB frame, DO NOT TEXT, the only way to play it with FWB is basically a casual "hey, I'm in town, let's hook up".

Ray
 
the right date makes getting her back home a piece of cake

Bboy100

Cro-Magnon Man
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Jan 2, 2015
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1,107
Ray's right. I've played around with text A LOT. In general, it seems that non-logistics based texts (i.e. texts meant to setup a meeting or date) can go one of two ways:

1. Boring Conversation- This is an instant attraction killer. Even conversations which might be fascinating IRL seem boring over text. Lack of nonverbals, vibe and other fundamentals make for very weak impressions over text. Of course, most girls don't realize this. Instead, they just assume you are boring. Think about it...how many times have you had a memorable conversation over text? What about in person? I guarantee you the latter far exceeds the former.

2. Super entertaining/funny Conversation- This is a little better. In fact, a lot of online dating programs recommend this with girls (I personally think its still a bad idea). This is basically cracking jokes, trying to tease her, and overall being a "funny guy" over text. And while this does work sometime, it has a couple issues:
a. It's HARD. Coming up with joke after joke after joke is a difficult task. Even after wasting my time doing it for about a year with online dating, I STILL wasn't proficient and able to do it "on my feet". The reason for this is that its almost never natural. Its forced. Which leads me to the second issue with "funny guy"
b. It comes off as super try-hard. She can tell your putting in a lot of effort into these texts. She can see your trying to impress her with your wit and your charm. And of course, no matter how high said wit+charm is, the mere fact that you're trying to impress her elevates her to a status beyond your own. This once again causes a drop in attraction.


The solution? Don't text her at all unless your texting has a very clear purpose. So basically, it should be to ask her out, plan logistics, or a post-date "I had a good time" text. That's pretty much all I can think of that texting is necessary for.
 

ray_zorse

Modern Human
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Aug 12, 2014
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Hey Bboy100 I think you have hit the nail on the head here, that perfectly explains what I observed, I hadn't really thought about it in those terms before. Great post, thanks :)
Ray
 

killerman

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 8, 2014
Messages
453
Thanks Ray, some good points here. However I'm still a bit worried because i've noticed a pattern. Basically out of all the girls who I went on dates with in the past who I arranged to meet 5, 6 or 7 days later, about half of them flaked compared to girls who i'd meet within 2-4 days, the vast majority of which turned up, probably about 90% of them. Now there's this one girl I'm meeting this friday. now the thing is i sent her the text sunday morning saying i'd see her friday. now that means a wait of 5 days. now seeing how she's going to be travelling an hour or an hour and a half by train to see me after she finishes work and she won't have spoken to me for 5 days, wouldnt she think that there's a risk that I wont turn up and she'd travel all that way for nothing? for this instance i'm willing to make an exception and violate my law of only texting to set up dates and send her a couple of texts tomorrow just to remind her that we're still on for friday. what do you guys think?
 
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