How To Act Around Women You've Been Rejected By Or Vice-Versa

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Hey guys,


This is very relevant considering how small my school is and this probably vanishes once you live in a bigger city, but how should one act around a woman you've been rejected by? Should you be polite and act unaffected by the rejection, but don't give any attention beyond what's socially expected? I have a few examples in mind


1. You walk to class, see her walking, and realize you'll cross paths - do you keep looking above people and only meet her eyes and say "hi" if she initiates the eye contact? I understand you don't want to be rude, because then you'll seem upset and bitter about the rejection.

2. You're in a social situation near her (e.g., at a party you stand near her or are even in a group discussion with her) - do you never acknowledge her? Do you treat her as though you rejected her? I realize the infinite possibilities here, but what vibe should I exude (e.g., you missed out on me).

3. While I'm bartending - a lot of the girls who I've fucked up with come to the bar I work at (it's the most popular in town). Should I be charming with them, like with everyone else? Should I be somewhat distanced from them (e.g., serve them after serving others, even if they've waited longer to for their drinks?)


I guess the goal of my actions is to always attempt to reverse the negative precedent set by the rejection. I've read Chase's article on reversing bad precedent, so it seems me the answer is "act as if you're not bothered in the slightest and are even happier than last they saw you"?

 

[Nova]

this is the problem with approaching girls in very small towns and schools. unless you know what you are doing you can quickly become that guy that is always approaching women and failing, which gifts you a certain bad name and can potentially fuck everything up for you with other girls. its fine if your successful and gain the 'player' name, that will do more good than anything.

i don't know what kind of level you are at and just how often you get rejected but i would advise if possible learning and approaching in a bigger environment/city as opposed to one with a small population and artificial social structures (schools).

-

none the less, with the girls that rejected you, don't add fuel to the fire by being purposely bitter etc but at the same time don't go out of your way to show them that you don't care by forcing yourself to socialize with them etc. just keep it cool and chill, as though you don't mind what happened. but really try to feel chill about it, don't just fake it. you know there are billions of gals out there and as you get better each day more and more will become 'open' to you. your going to fail a lot, everyone does from time to time, even the men that have been seducing for 20 years - so genuinely try not to let it get to you and just allow yourself to be normal with the girls that missed out, its no big deal what so ever don't even think about it.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

this is the problem with approaching girls in very small towns and schools. unless you know what you are doing you can quickly become that guy that is always approaching women and failing, which gifts you a certain bad name and can potentially fuck everything up for you with other girls. its fine if your successful and gain the 'player' name, that will do more good than anything.

i don't know what kind of level you are at and just how often you get rejected but i would advise if possible learning and approaching in a bigger environment/city as opposed to one with a small population and artificial social structures (schools).

-

none the less, with the girls that rejected you, don't add fuel to the fire by being purposely bitter etc but at the same time don't go out of your way to show them that you don't care by forcing yourself to socialize with them etc. just keep it cool and chill, as though you don't mind what happened. but really try to feel chill about it, don't just fake it. you know there are billions of gals out there and as you get better each day more and more will become 'open' to you. your going to fail a lot, everyone does from time to time, even the men that have been seducing for 20 years - so genuinely try not to let it get to you and just allow yourself to be normal with the girls that missed out, its no big deal what so ever don't even think about it.

I've definitely gained the player reputation. I hear almost every time I go out about how I'm a man-whore and player. So it's a more positive reputation and I am trying to learn how to manage the reputation (I posted about it in the Tactics and Techniques board). There are no big cities near my school (it's in the middle of nowhere). SO, I need to learn how to master small-town player reputation, and part of it is this, dealing with rejection in a socially graceful manner.

As for your advice, sounds solid. In terms of social power, it sounds like you advocate "distanced until they initiate eye contact or conversation, but don't be afraid of talking to them in group situations."

 

[TheWiseFool]

Anatman,

From my experience at a small liberal arts college, I'd definitely say that you be polite and act like it was no big deal (outcome independent). Greet them if the situation demands it but you don't need to hold a conversation with them. I found that once I began treating girls who I messed up with as regular people, the hangups I had about them melted away and they became just another person in the crowd rather than me pretending that I don't notice them even though I do. In addition, they noticed this too and would go out of there way to have me paying more attention to them. I know it is hard not to be bitter or not trying to ignore them, but it's all about training your body to do something it doesn't like or reframing your perception of something to make your body behave the way you want it to.

For a year and a half I would see this one girl EVERYWHERE and would purposely ignore her and act like she didn't exist, we never met. It wasn't until I treated her like another person that my mind was able to let go and live again without this presence of, "Is she going to be in the cafeteria when I am, or at the same party, same class, etc. I'll have to ignore her again and act like I don't care." It wasn't worth spending all that time being conscious about what to do when I become aware of "said person."

There was the occasional girl who I just didn't give a damn, but if there is a girl who really takes a toll on your mind, then let go by treating them as if you've already gotten over it.
- The Wise Fool

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

TWF, your comments are always helpful and astute.

Yesterday in the library I walked past the friend of a girl from my recent FU. I was talking with my friend, and I noticed her eyes on me almost the entire time. I don't even think I felt a hint of despair from the fuckup days prior. It's astounding how fundamentals scream value and strength.

"Treat them like every other person" sounds like a great tactic to me. If they ever reignite interest, then engage; before that happens, let it be.

For instance, last week, a girl, who chased me while I had a girlfriend then evaded me when I was single, texted me

Her - you were just in my dream

Me - And what kind of dream was this?

Her - Cant lie there was alot of sexual tension lol

Me - Mmmm, tell me more did we have mind-blowing sex?

Her - Sadly no I never get to that stage in my dreams

Me - What a shame. Well, when are you gonna come visit at school?

Her - I'm not sure :/ I feel like I have so much going on here idk when

Me - Well, next time I'm in the city, we should hangout

Her - Yea for sure! I seriously have like no life. Its a real transitioning phase I guess

Two months ago she refused to go to dinner with me because she was talking to some guy. Now that she's graduated, back home in a major city and busy with her job, apparently I've resurfaced as an option. Funny what happens with time, scarcity, and not letting rejection affect you. I should visit her soon


Life is so funny

Anatman

 

[TheWiseFool]

I was talking with my friend, and I noticed her eyes on me almost the entire time

Best, feeling, ever right? That moment when she realizes how foolish she was to have let a guy like you go, even how ridiculous it was to have thought of you other than a high-tier male.

I don't even think I felt a hint of despair from the fuckup days prior.

It's this kind of behavior that pulls the rug from right under her cos I bet she was expecting you to enter into a state of anxiety and insecurity, but you flipped her frame and made her realize that you are above that and are going to make it clear to her that you aren't going to give her the emotional satisfaction that she affected you the way you may really feel. You don't crawl back or placate or supplicate, you learn and move onward and grow towards just becoming higher and higher in value.

It's astounding how fundamentals scream value and strength.

Truth. A little story of my own from yesterday that totally relates to what happened with you and her. I just started working out at the school gym, been mostly doing calisthenics to build up strength before trying out the weights. Since I started working out, I'm pretty skinny compared to the other guys in the room and shorter too. The girl of this story is this tall blonde with an amazing body. I was checking her out from behind and then she turned around, saw me, and proceeded to give me this "As if" look. I wasn't bothered cos relative to everyone else in this environment, I am low on the totem pole. After I'm done working out and get myself all put together in the locker room, I head out to get my ID cos I rented a locker. She happens to be there at the desk and sees me and just like you, her and this other girl are just eye fucking me from when I got to the desk and up until I walked out of the door. Moments like yours and mine just show how important fundamentals are as you said.

Side Note: They make up for the areas where we are currently working on or can't change.

Funny what happens with time, scarcity, and not letting rejection affect you.

Couldn't agree more, brother.

If you do try again, let me know how it goes, please! I still wonder about some things and I'd like to know what happens in situations where you try again with a girl who previously rejected you. Best of luck!
- The Wise Fool

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Awesome how ubiquitous some behaviors are. I get a lot of flack from friends for pointing out consistencies in women; they accuse me of allegedly claiming "all girls are the same." I never assert that; what I do assert, is that humans grow together and the rules/obligations they establish are followed (i.e., social norms). Moreover, our biologies are pretty damn similar, so on that scale, who's surprised girls show interest in the same way, show jealousy in the same way, react the same way to touch if X condition is true, etc.

What I'm saying is, we're having similar experiences, because we're finally noticing things that have always been there

I'll keep ya updated, my friend.


May we become awesome beyond all measure,

Anatman

 

[flowerpower]

I can't tell whether this is the best way to handle these kinds of situations, but I'm fairly convinced that remaining very flirty in a detached way, that is non-clingy and non-needy, as though it were a role playing game, can be quite effective. It's at least worth experimenting - depending on the kind of girl of course.

 

[TheWiseFool]

I'm just speaking from multiple experiences. I also went to a small school of ~2000 students. Something happens in women's heads when they realize that they lost something pretty valuable and then suddenly they start backtracking, trying to get you to become attached to her even if she may not want you. Just "having" you all to her self is better than not having you at all.

Just my two cents