How to be comfortable pausing during short approaches?

[TheEcho]

Hey gents!

Realizing I somewhat run my way through approaches. It's easy for me to lock the focus on the other person and never give them a chance to ask me anything. I basically am always angling to deep dive and eject at the first sign of slowing down. Within the couple minutes I stick with a new girl, I'm asking questions, then making statements about her answers, quickly followed by relevant questions, followed by me starting to bow out and try to get her number. Maybe I have more nervousness during approaches than I thought, but I'm not sure when I can "safely" shut up and reliably have her contribute, rather than an awkward death to the conversation. Any tips on this?

Thanks all!

 

[HoofHearted]

This is a great and practical question.

What you are describing here is the first or second real stroke of the game, hooking a girl on the line.

After you approach a girl, assuming she doesn't brush you off immediately, the question is... what happens next? What do you do immediately after you say 'hi'? (Ok, how you say 'hi' matters, but you really control all of that... theres an art to it).

I have learned what works best at this point is to display some intent, and this is a critical piece for me. An injection of romantic undertone was missing from the frontside of my approaches, not too much, but just right.

After that, it becomes about getting her to take the bait. Not all of them will. But finding a way to connect her to the interaction is the trick. They call this the 'hook point' and I find that appropriate because it's a lot like fishing.

So me

Contextual 'hello' guided by some principles (body language and vibe become an art here)

to

Some very brief conversational fluff/funny sentence or two. Either here or before make sure the romantic context of the approach is understood, maybe a tiny flirt

to

Asking name/introducing

to

Getting her on the line

This is kinda the opening move of my ideal approach. I have been really into it, it's been quite a thing to attempt and study and each section could have much more explanation. For the part you're asking about, the last part-- it should feel good to talk to you, and talking about emotions is what connects people, and feeling understood/listened to allows people to feel good about talking about their emotions.

Sometimes you have to go first to inform the level of discussion you're looking for, which shouldnt even be called discussion actually, but connecting.

And some girls won't connect with you. This all happens so quickly and allows you to only spend minutes to find a failure and move on. The caveat being that with strangers the entire exchange is under a microscope, and there is little room for error the less a girl knows you...

I also resent that y'all call it 'game.' I think it's something else altogether.

But no mistake about it, it's definitely a skill...

 

[Skjöldr]

You bait her.
"So what are you up to?"
"Oh im just blah blah"
If she doesnt answer back....
"Oh nice, yeah i just went for a walk, my work is very sedentary, so i need to go out and stretch my legs"
"What is your work?"

done

 

[TheEcho]

"Oh nice, yeah i just went for a walk, my work is very sedentary, so i need to go out and stretch my legs"

AH! I think the real problem is coming out. Not that me speedrunning during an approach isn't a bit problematic lol. I do volunteer info, but it's not in these intriguing ways, I spill the beans, so they don't even need to ask. So the tweak I need (aside from being a bit slower) is to volunteer things in mysterious ways.

 

[Skjöldr]

AH! I think the real problem is coming out. Not that me speedrunning during an approach isn't a bit problematic lol. I do volunteer info, but it's not in these intriguing ways, I spill the beans, so they don't even need to ask. So the tweak I need (aside from being a bit slower) is to volunteer things in mysterious ways.

Exactly, I think it's called intrigue/interest bait.

 

[MarioTheDom]

There is difference on what you say vs what do you say.

The first one requires some thoughts, for the second, how to pace yourself slow:

The only way is deliberate practice.

You can do some "dry testing" alone in the mirror and then do it in the streets, no other exercise will beat that.