How to break LMR?

Richard

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Mar 1, 2013
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What's up gents? This question was sparked by my friend Josh who met some LMR from a girl who was mutually interested in him, and offered LMR by saying "My friend dated my ex, and it ended up hurting her, I don't wanna get hurt Josh." His and her background isn't important but basically the two of them had mutual interest for each other on and off, they meet up in an interest to pursue a FWB relation, and she offered heavy LMR, so, in case I meet this in my future, how do I go about handling it? Any advice guys
 

Estate

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Dec 20, 2012
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798
Ok, no replies so I'll give this a shot...

So I always feel this one is a touchy subject. Inexperienced guys misinterpret what LMR is and it's pretty much what gives PUA a REALLY bad name.
From my perspective, there is such a thing as "No means No". What I mean by that is that there ARE instances where a girl is just not in the frame to sleep with you and you need to read the signs of disinterest and not ignore this and push forward where she is uncomfortable.

Ok, so getting that disclaimer out of the way,
A lot of seduction comes down to body language and sub-communications. If you're "not sure" she wants to sleep with you then there's a good chance she doesn't (yet). However, even when all the body language, her tone, her actions, the way she's looking at you, touching you, etc, all send the sign that she is ready to go to bed with you, you'll quite often still get resistance in her words.

Look, the reasons are many and varied and there is a lot of material out there as to why girls will do this, but basically they need to rationalize to themselves that this is the right thing to do.

Whenever I've been faced with this it's a little counter-intuitive how I dealt with it. Logically if she says something like "Oh we shouldn't be going this.." or "I'm not that type of girl...", a mans natural reaction is to begin to try to talk her into it. What I've found is that the more you talk and try to convince her, the more she is infact lingering over the reasons why NOT to sleep with you.
It's like that old adage of the pink elephant in the corner... keep telling her over and over to not imagine a giant pink elephant in the corner of the room and guess what she won't be able to stop thinking about!!

So instead what you want to do is not try to rationalize it to her, but instead just acknowledge it and move the conversation on. Don't let her linger on the thought.
If she DOES want to sleep with you then just keep things going as they were and be in control of the situation. You need to be a strong man and a leader. She's waiting for you to kiss her, touch her, etc and then she stops rationalizing it and begins to be in the moment.

If she DOES NOT want to sleep with you then even this tactic will not stop her from over-thinking it. In this case she's not ready and you're not at that point yet. It's not quite LMR then, you've actually moved too quickly and jumped passed some stages of the interaction that would build up to sleeping with her.
 

stratvm

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Dec 9, 2012
Messages
131
im stuck with LMR since i`ve restarted the game about a month ago and i had TONS before that. i had only 1 LR in the last month out of 4 girls (spoke to 5) but that was a subpar female who stalks me up to this day so that was rather a mistake.

i can move girls incredibly fast without any effort, they are at my place in less than 2 hours and all my interactions end with severe cases of LMR. i managed to break this once earlier this year with a lot of persistence and the girl felt really bad afterwards (wasnt really my type so i dropped here while she expected more).

i`m beginning to see a pattern in my case and it coincides with Estate`s observations.

i`m setting up my dates in the building i live - its a huge tower with 3 bars/restaurants. my agenda has always been moving them after 15-20mins from place 1, 1 hour from place 2 and 10-20mins from place 3, and if i can i skip place 1 (they just sit in there assuming we meet there). after moving them around swiftly they just dont think about saying no to me to check out my flat and they are under the influence of new experiences and i can go for the kiss at my place 90% of the time and more and thats when they freeze out. i mean completely.

i`m thinking the reason why they move to place 3/4 (=my flat) without any resistance is because they are overwhelmed by the experiences and im just like Dante in that famous renaissance play who acts as a guide in hell so its not really about me, they feel like being in a romantic movie.

the 2nd date i had with the last girl (who i assume is off if i dont hear from her by tomorrow) was also similar, but i moved her around the whole district - again, too much to swallow for them i suppose.

problem is i have no idea how to overcome this. maybe i need to design a new dating system but this is the most convenient, if they flake i dont care, i dont need any effort to meet them plus i would go out anyway.
 

Chase

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Oct 9, 2012
Messages
3,955
Richard-

Moved this one to "General."

Good analysis from Estate on causes of resistance.

Zphix said:
What's up gents? This question was sparked by my friend Josh who met some LMR from a girl who was mutually interested in him, and offered LMR by saying "My friend dated my ex, and it ended up hurting her, I don't wanna get hurt Josh." His and her background isn't important but basically the two of them had mutual interest for each other on and off, they meet up in an interest to pursue a FWB relation, and she offered heavy LMR, so, in case I meet this in my future, how do I go about handling it? Any advice guys

For this one, I'd say something like, "So long as you're tuned into what you're feeling and communicate with me, you're not going to get hurt. We can have fun and enjoy each other and make it be good, but if you ever start feeling more emotionally attached, that will be when we'll need to end it."

There're two scenarios here, as I see it: one is that she's sincerely having reservations about getting hurt in a casual relationship... and the other is that the guy just fumbled the ball when trying to set up the right expectations (e.g., she started seeing him more as a boyfriend she'd get attached to than a throwaway lover she'd use for sex and not care a wink about otherwise).

For LMR in general, see these articles on the main site:


Chase
 
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