- Joined
- Jan 14, 2014
- Messages
- 51
I've been in this "pickup"/seduction world for a few years now – ever since I had strong oneitis for a girl a year after highschool. I'm 23 now.
I've gotten pretty good at it, and recently, I've gone to bars, and even if I'm in a fairly negative state, still get girls interested in me. What I'm running up against now, is the psychic cost of success, and trying to come to terms with what I want out of all of this. I'd love to hear some insights from more experienced members.
What I've found is, I'm able to portray a relaxed, carefree vibe. And I think that's because at a core level, I do understand that I can easily get more girls. I've proven to myself that I can sleep with girls off of cold approach. However, I find when talking to girls... I'm just not relaxed. I'm extremely tense, especially in my stomach. In fact, usually when I'm with a girl, or at a bar talking to girls, I'll be so tense that I can't even pee. Then I'll come home and have to "unwind".
I'm also trying to figure out what I like as far as sex goes. I'm horny pretty much all the time. However, when I get tense like that, it's really hard for me to get turned on. Not only that, but once I'm in a situation to have sex, I start doubting everything I do. It's fucking crazy! If I'm in a situation where I don't feel like I'll actually be having sex, I turn into an animal and just can't get enough of a girl. I remember one night, I had a girl over. I tried to have sex with her for an hour or so. But I felt so conscious, it wasn't working. Then, she got up to leave. Suddenly, I felt like a fucking animal, and I pounced on her and started doing everything I wanted to do all along! She got extremely turned on. Then I "realized" that I was probably going to have sex with her, and the energy left me.
Last night, I brought some girls home from a bar, to my friend's house. At the bar, I had a great sense of entitlement. I was flirting with all the girls, and we were having a great, sexually-charged time. As soon as we got back to the house though, my energy had waned. I tried to make a few things happen. I was next to a girl with my arm around her. But she wasn't relaxed into me. She said something, and then I teased her for it. That lit a little spark, and she relaxed into me. But then I felt her relax into me, and I had two thoughts... 1)That I knew she would relax into me after I teased her, and 2) that I wanted her to be comfortable relaxing into me.
As soon as I had these thoughts, I could tell she sensed it, because she got up and laid on the other couch. Now, this was a less than ideal situation to begin with. For one, we brought these two girls home, but one of the other girls—their friend—didn't come with us. That girl that didn't come is into me, but she has a "boyfriend" (I think she's just playing games with me). So she definitely tried to cockblock, saying to her friends "yeah, go with them, and have an orgy". Basically making it so if the girls did come with us, they were "sluts". I think this led to an overall coldness with the girls, and I'm conscious of the fact that I can't win in every situation. I know it's possible that the night went sour not because of me, but because of factors outside of my control.
That being said, these types of thoughts are having a major impact on my life. I just feel like I'm lost here, and I don't know what to do. I've just been throwing more girls at the situation, but I keep running into the same obstacles. I have no problem continuing to do so, provided it will lead to an eventual resolution – that's what I'd love to hear from you guys about.
I have had semi-relaxed sex with a girl before – just one. She was my second time, and for 4 months, she came over semi-regularly and I could never get a hardon. Finally, I took viagra, got a boner, and fucked her. I did that a few times. Then I moved away for a few months, then came back. This time, I threw away the viagra. I decided it was better to not fuck than use viagra cause I wasn't able to be turned on. I committed to fucking her and just made it happen. I was already pretty comfortable with her, so a lot of the initial anxiety about sex was gone. She came over a few times after that and I was always able to make it happen.
So... thanks for reading all of this. It's just good to get all this down. The bottom line is, I just want a relaxed life, where I have a few girls I like around, and we can just have carefree, relaxed sex. I don't think this is too lofty of a goal, and I think I have all the skills needed to make it happen. But every time I try, it seems like I get the opposite... I'm so tense and get nervous, and I lose the relaxed, carefree vibe which attracts the girls initially.
I'm fine with all of this, I'd just love some clarity. I know this is possibly something I have to just break through, and right now I'm getting the opposite of what I want, so that I can get what I want down the line. At the same time, I wonder if I could be focusing my efforts in a way that's more "in tune" with who I am.
I've gotten pretty good at it, and recently, I've gone to bars, and even if I'm in a fairly negative state, still get girls interested in me. What I'm running up against now, is the psychic cost of success, and trying to come to terms with what I want out of all of this. I'd love to hear some insights from more experienced members.
What I've found is, I'm able to portray a relaxed, carefree vibe. And I think that's because at a core level, I do understand that I can easily get more girls. I've proven to myself that I can sleep with girls off of cold approach. However, I find when talking to girls... I'm just not relaxed. I'm extremely tense, especially in my stomach. In fact, usually when I'm with a girl, or at a bar talking to girls, I'll be so tense that I can't even pee. Then I'll come home and have to "unwind".
I'm also trying to figure out what I like as far as sex goes. I'm horny pretty much all the time. However, when I get tense like that, it's really hard for me to get turned on. Not only that, but once I'm in a situation to have sex, I start doubting everything I do. It's fucking crazy! If I'm in a situation where I don't feel like I'll actually be having sex, I turn into an animal and just can't get enough of a girl. I remember one night, I had a girl over. I tried to have sex with her for an hour or so. But I felt so conscious, it wasn't working. Then, she got up to leave. Suddenly, I felt like a fucking animal, and I pounced on her and started doing everything I wanted to do all along! She got extremely turned on. Then I "realized" that I was probably going to have sex with her, and the energy left me.
Last night, I brought some girls home from a bar, to my friend's house. At the bar, I had a great sense of entitlement. I was flirting with all the girls, and we were having a great, sexually-charged time. As soon as we got back to the house though, my energy had waned. I tried to make a few things happen. I was next to a girl with my arm around her. But she wasn't relaxed into me. She said something, and then I teased her for it. That lit a little spark, and she relaxed into me. But then I felt her relax into me, and I had two thoughts... 1)That I knew she would relax into me after I teased her, and 2) that I wanted her to be comfortable relaxing into me.
As soon as I had these thoughts, I could tell she sensed it, because she got up and laid on the other couch. Now, this was a less than ideal situation to begin with. For one, we brought these two girls home, but one of the other girls—their friend—didn't come with us. That girl that didn't come is into me, but she has a "boyfriend" (I think she's just playing games with me). So she definitely tried to cockblock, saying to her friends "yeah, go with them, and have an orgy". Basically making it so if the girls did come with us, they were "sluts". I think this led to an overall coldness with the girls, and I'm conscious of the fact that I can't win in every situation. I know it's possible that the night went sour not because of me, but because of factors outside of my control.
That being said, these types of thoughts are having a major impact on my life. I just feel like I'm lost here, and I don't know what to do. I've just been throwing more girls at the situation, but I keep running into the same obstacles. I have no problem continuing to do so, provided it will lead to an eventual resolution – that's what I'd love to hear from you guys about.
I have had semi-relaxed sex with a girl before – just one. She was my second time, and for 4 months, she came over semi-regularly and I could never get a hardon. Finally, I took viagra, got a boner, and fucked her. I did that a few times. Then I moved away for a few months, then came back. This time, I threw away the viagra. I decided it was better to not fuck than use viagra cause I wasn't able to be turned on. I committed to fucking her and just made it happen. I was already pretty comfortable with her, so a lot of the initial anxiety about sex was gone. She came over a few times after that and I was always able to make it happen.
So... thanks for reading all of this. It's just good to get all this down. The bottom line is, I just want a relaxed life, where I have a few girls I like around, and we can just have carefree, relaxed sex. I don't think this is too lofty of a goal, and I think I have all the skills needed to make it happen. But every time I try, it seems like I get the opposite... I'm so tense and get nervous, and I lose the relaxed, carefree vibe which attracts the girls initially.
I'm fine with all of this, I'd just love some clarity. I know this is possibly something I have to just break through, and right now I'm getting the opposite of what I want, so that I can get what I want down the line. At the same time, I wonder if I could be focusing my efforts in a way that's more "in tune" with who I am.
