- Joined
- Nov 14, 2017
- Messages
- 315
[The immediate situation I need to act on is given in the last section (4); you can skip to that if you donʼt have time to read the context.]
1. Background
Iʼve unfortunately been back in my damn Western country for over 2 years; thankfully most of the obstacles to leaving again have been handled. I hadnʼt been doing any game, it being extremely time-consuming for me in this country due to debilitating approach inhibition. Iʼm near-certain that problem would diminish were I living where my favorite kind live, so that has been and should be my focus.
However, as of the past several weeks Iʼve been out doing day game for the first time in 2+ years. Iʼm not totally new to it and have gotten laid before doing it, but Iʼm not an expert either. In this current run Iʼve so far done 24 approaches, with two # closes. The first, on a cute Ugandan, itself went fairly well and she answered my initial “save my #” text, but I unfortunately took 6 days to ping her again and sheʼs ignored a couple pings; I might ask about that one separately. The second was yesterday.
2. Sweet Encounter: Candy and Courage
As Iʼm wandering a big box store, I lock eyes with a cute East African girl for a couple seconds, then slip into an adjacent aisle, full of sweets. I hang out there, then she wanders in. I try to work up the nerve to approach her but she leaves, without picking up anything. I kick myself over how many times Iʼve gotten such opportunities (some much more blatant) only to chicken out.
Then she shows up in the aisle again. Now sheʼs knelt down looking at something. I slip over, pick up a bag of candy, and tap her with it. Looks momentarily, then back at the shelf. I kneel beside her and ask if any of this stuff could sweeten Donald Trump.
I actually donʼt hate the guy any more than I hate Demʼs and Repʼs, but most everyone in my country hates him, so I poke fun at him as a low-stress way to get “in set.” It often works well.
She removes an earbud and asks me to repeat. Then sheʼs mildly amused and says she doesnʼt know.
I note Iʼm just playing, then tell her, “youʼre cute.”
Actually, sheʼs a bit dolled up, with makeup, hair pasted to her temples, etc., which I donʼt much like; I prefer natural, and often make comments to that effect, but I let it slide this time. Sheʼd certainly be cute natural.
Sheʼs also a bit taller than me (and Iʼm average height), but that I like. I look younger than I am, but this girl is prolly about half my age. (So was the first chick I laid from day game.)
“Thank you thank you,” she says in this ditzy speech pattern she used the whole time.
I say, “Tell me your name.” We exchange pleasantries, and I take her hand momentarily, though not as sensually as I have on some occasions.
Me: Are you East African?
Her: Yes, Ethiopian.
Me: Oh, nice.
Her: And you?
Me: Take a guess.
Her: I have no idea!
Me: My background is blabla.
<Itʼs Western European.>
Her: Blabla, nice.
With the Ugandan, I had slipped in some knowledge of her country which typical Westerners would not have had. I couldʼve very easily done that in this case too, but for some reason didnʼt bother. Western guys tend to like Ethioipan girls more than other African girls. I do like them, but me, there are other Africans I like more.
I ask if sheʼs a student. Yes, sheʼs in education. I query what got her into that. I tend to ask, hoping it leads to some interesting backstory, but usually it doesnʼt. She didnʼt have much of an answer other than liking it.
Usually I just drop the thread in this case, but for some reason I asked if that is what she was interested in since being small. No, she initially graduated in social work but wanted to upgrade.
Ah, ok. I told her Iʼd best get back to my shopping, but we should grab a coffee. She said okay.
3. Number Trials: Overcoming Denial
I need to work on closing at a high point, but itʼs really hit-and-miss even getting a good peak, and I feel like I need to keep day game encounters short, so I always go for a close after a couple minutes as a matter of course.
I take out my phone but now itʼs locked and I have to fiddle for a moment while she returns her attention to the shelf.
On the new contact sheet I select the Name field, but by this time, silly me, Iʼve forgotten. At least itʼs foreign, so I just say, “youʼll have to spell that”, and once she figures out what I mean (shouldʼve been more explicit), she tells me the spelling.
When she sees what Iʼm going for she notes that she doesnʼt quite want to give me her number and immediately asks if I am on social media like Instagram. I tell her, “not really, just Facebook but I barely use it.” This is actually true but I also was very aware of how useless it would be to become another of her Instagram followers. I ask if she has WhatsApp but she says no.
Iʼm not usually in this situation because I donʼt go for contact info without first getting the girl to agree to a meet‑up, and if the girlʼs going to resist, that proposal is usually where Iʼll see it. So Iʼm really not well-prepared for resistance to a phone number request. In retrospect maybe I shouldʼve teased, “donʼt worry, Iʼll just call you fifty-billion times until you have to change your number,” lol.
I figure to myself as a Hail Mary to try getting her Facebook, but I (very intentionally) donʼt have the app on my phone. I look through the contact sheet to see if thereʼs somewhere to insert something like a Facebook ID, but no luck, so I just go to the Address field, and then say something, halfways to myself, like, “Iʼll have to put it in the Address field.”
My communication was admittedly terrible here, as my unfamiliarity with this situation had me totally derailed.
She asks what Iʼm asking for, and I say something like, “Facebook, but number would probably work better,” and explain that itʼs so that we can arrange when to meet up. Itʼs a blur now, but she may have asked if I was asking for her number, and I repeated the purpose.
She did ultimately tell me a number, and when I asked if I had it right she confirmed.
From there I parted, telling her it was nice meeting her, and she said the same and I walked off.
Theoretically, my having overcome her resistance may have increased attraction, but OTOH it had to be lower in the first place or she wouldnʼt have resisted.
4. Text, And What Next?
A couple hours later, I sent her a text:
Hey Abeba, itʼs Phoenix. Nice meeting u! Save my #
(Incidentally, I was still in the mall at the time, looking for more girls to talk to. Talked to three more, though didnʼt close them. One was cool but turned out to be too young, one I autorejected on after she physically broke rapport, and one was a super‑shy Indian girl and I aborted out of unfamiliarity with that level of shyness due to being calibrated to black girls, who almost never act like that.)
One thing I like about my standard initial text is that it doesnʼt expect a reply. With that said, girls often do reply, and without digging into old records, I seem to remember non‑reply here to be a fairly strong predictor of being ghosted. Alas, Abeba did not reply.
Iʼm now trying to figure out my next move. I think maybe, the day after the American election, I might text her one of two things depending on the outcome:
Well, he got elected, so letʼs hope the sweets work!
<or>
Well, he didnʼt get elected, so I guess now heʼs *really* gonna need those sweets!
It wouldnʼt make sense to add in “how was your weekend”, since thisʼll be Wednesday.
A texting pattern Iʼve sometimes used is to put some callback humor (like that) into the first text, then some connection/comfort in the second, and then try to schedule a meet in the third. Not sure if thatʼs best, though, or if maybe I should be more direct in the first, especially since I sold the # close on logistics use. Maybe:
Well, he got elected, so letʼs hope the sweets work! Iʼve got some time on [day] or [day], would that work for you?
I can usually just wing text somewhat, but since this girl has already shown some non-compliance, I want to get this right.
I do realize the best solution is to go talk to a bunch more girls, get some more # closes, and even at my present skill level I know some of those will be more solid. Iʼm certainly going to be doing that wholeheartedly in Africa.
In the meantime, the problem while Iʼm still in this country is that approaching is so expensive for me here. I have to spend an entire day at a busy megamall to approach just four girls. (And even though I still greatly prefer them, Iʼm no longer hellbent on only touching black girls; when I was, it was even worse.) So, every # close I do get, I need to do my best to pull.
Iʼll appreciate any feedback either on how to proceed with this girl, or on improving future approaches. Thanks for reading!
1. Background
Iʼve unfortunately been back in my damn Western country for over 2 years; thankfully most of the obstacles to leaving again have been handled. I hadnʼt been doing any game, it being extremely time-consuming for me in this country due to debilitating approach inhibition. Iʼm near-certain that problem would diminish were I living where my favorite kind live, so that has been and should be my focus.
However, as of the past several weeks Iʼve been out doing day game for the first time in 2+ years. Iʼm not totally new to it and have gotten laid before doing it, but Iʼm not an expert either. In this current run Iʼve so far done 24 approaches, with two # closes. The first, on a cute Ugandan, itself went fairly well and she answered my initial “save my #” text, but I unfortunately took 6 days to ping her again and sheʼs ignored a couple pings; I might ask about that one separately. The second was yesterday.
2. Sweet Encounter: Candy and Courage
As Iʼm wandering a big box store, I lock eyes with a cute East African girl for a couple seconds, then slip into an adjacent aisle, full of sweets. I hang out there, then she wanders in. I try to work up the nerve to approach her but she leaves, without picking up anything. I kick myself over how many times Iʼve gotten such opportunities (some much more blatant) only to chicken out.
Then she shows up in the aisle again. Now sheʼs knelt down looking at something. I slip over, pick up a bag of candy, and tap her with it. Looks momentarily, then back at the shelf. I kneel beside her and ask if any of this stuff could sweeten Donald Trump.
I actually donʼt hate the guy any more than I hate Demʼs and Repʼs, but most everyone in my country hates him, so I poke fun at him as a low-stress way to get “in set.” It often works well.
She removes an earbud and asks me to repeat. Then sheʼs mildly amused and says she doesnʼt know.
I note Iʼm just playing, then tell her, “youʼre cute.”
Actually, sheʼs a bit dolled up, with makeup, hair pasted to her temples, etc., which I donʼt much like; I prefer natural, and often make comments to that effect, but I let it slide this time. Sheʼd certainly be cute natural.
Sheʼs also a bit taller than me (and Iʼm average height), but that I like. I look younger than I am, but this girl is prolly about half my age. (So was the first chick I laid from day game.)
“Thank you thank you,” she says in this ditzy speech pattern she used the whole time.
I say, “Tell me your name.” We exchange pleasantries, and I take her hand momentarily, though not as sensually as I have on some occasions.
Me: Are you East African?
Her: Yes, Ethiopian.
Me: Oh, nice.
Her: And you?
Me: Take a guess.
Her: I have no idea!
Me: My background is blabla.
<Itʼs Western European.>
Her: Blabla, nice.
With the Ugandan, I had slipped in some knowledge of her country which typical Westerners would not have had. I couldʼve very easily done that in this case too, but for some reason didnʼt bother. Western guys tend to like Ethioipan girls more than other African girls. I do like them, but me, there are other Africans I like more.
I ask if sheʼs a student. Yes, sheʼs in education. I query what got her into that. I tend to ask, hoping it leads to some interesting backstory, but usually it doesnʼt. She didnʼt have much of an answer other than liking it.
Usually I just drop the thread in this case, but for some reason I asked if that is what she was interested in since being small. No, she initially graduated in social work but wanted to upgrade.
Ah, ok. I told her Iʼd best get back to my shopping, but we should grab a coffee. She said okay.
3. Number Trials: Overcoming Denial
I need to work on closing at a high point, but itʼs really hit-and-miss even getting a good peak, and I feel like I need to keep day game encounters short, so I always go for a close after a couple minutes as a matter of course.
I take out my phone but now itʼs locked and I have to fiddle for a moment while she returns her attention to the shelf.
On the new contact sheet I select the Name field, but by this time, silly me, Iʼve forgotten. At least itʼs foreign, so I just say, “youʼll have to spell that”, and once she figures out what I mean (shouldʼve been more explicit), she tells me the spelling.
When she sees what Iʼm going for she notes that she doesnʼt quite want to give me her number and immediately asks if I am on social media like Instagram. I tell her, “not really, just Facebook but I barely use it.” This is actually true but I also was very aware of how useless it would be to become another of her Instagram followers. I ask if she has WhatsApp but she says no.
Iʼm not usually in this situation because I donʼt go for contact info without first getting the girl to agree to a meet‑up, and if the girlʼs going to resist, that proposal is usually where Iʼll see it. So Iʼm really not well-prepared for resistance to a phone number request. In retrospect maybe I shouldʼve teased, “donʼt worry, Iʼll just call you fifty-billion times until you have to change your number,” lol.
I figure to myself as a Hail Mary to try getting her Facebook, but I (very intentionally) donʼt have the app on my phone. I look through the contact sheet to see if thereʼs somewhere to insert something like a Facebook ID, but no luck, so I just go to the Address field, and then say something, halfways to myself, like, “Iʼll have to put it in the Address field.”
My communication was admittedly terrible here, as my unfamiliarity with this situation had me totally derailed.
She asks what Iʼm asking for, and I say something like, “Facebook, but number would probably work better,” and explain that itʼs so that we can arrange when to meet up. Itʼs a blur now, but she may have asked if I was asking for her number, and I repeated the purpose.
She did ultimately tell me a number, and when I asked if I had it right she confirmed.
From there I parted, telling her it was nice meeting her, and she said the same and I walked off.
Theoretically, my having overcome her resistance may have increased attraction, but OTOH it had to be lower in the first place or she wouldnʼt have resisted.
4. Text, And What Next?
A couple hours later, I sent her a text:
Hey Abeba, itʼs Phoenix. Nice meeting u! Save my #
(Incidentally, I was still in the mall at the time, looking for more girls to talk to. Talked to three more, though didnʼt close them. One was cool but turned out to be too young, one I autorejected on after she physically broke rapport, and one was a super‑shy Indian girl and I aborted out of unfamiliarity with that level of shyness due to being calibrated to black girls, who almost never act like that.)
One thing I like about my standard initial text is that it doesnʼt expect a reply. With that said, girls often do reply, and without digging into old records, I seem to remember non‑reply here to be a fairly strong predictor of being ghosted. Alas, Abeba did not reply.
Iʼm now trying to figure out my next move. I think maybe, the day after the American election, I might text her one of two things depending on the outcome:
Well, he got elected, so letʼs hope the sweets work!
<or>
Well, he didnʼt get elected, so I guess now heʼs *really* gonna need those sweets!
It wouldnʼt make sense to add in “how was your weekend”, since thisʼll be Wednesday.
A texting pattern Iʼve sometimes used is to put some callback humor (like that) into the first text, then some connection/comfort in the second, and then try to schedule a meet in the third. Not sure if thatʼs best, though, or if maybe I should be more direct in the first, especially since I sold the # close on logistics use. Maybe:
Well, he got elected, so letʼs hope the sweets work! Iʼve got some time on [day] or [day], would that work for you?
I can usually just wing text somewhat, but since this girl has already shown some non-compliance, I want to get this right.
I do realize the best solution is to go talk to a bunch more girls, get some more # closes, and even at my present skill level I know some of those will be more solid. Iʼm certainly going to be doing that wholeheartedly in Africa.
In the meantime, the problem while Iʼm still in this country is that approaching is so expensive for me here. I have to spend an entire day at a busy megamall to approach just four girls. (And even though I still greatly prefer them, Iʼm no longer hellbent on only touching black girls; when I was, it was even worse.) So, every # close I do get, I need to do my best to pull.
Iʼll appreciate any feedback either on how to proceed with this girl, or on improving future approaches. Thanks for reading!
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