Socializing How to create a new social group?

Richard

Tribal Elder
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So guys, I was going through my phone earlier this week, and deleted a bunch of numbers, mostly high school friends that I no longer want to talk to because I've grown exponentially, and I don't want to be involved with these people. Instead, I've chosen to create a new social life from scratch, but currently, I've only been picking up women, instead, I'd rather have many more accolades in my circle, newer guys to be involved with, girls as friends for non-dating and things like that. Currently though, I'm not sure how to go about creating a brand new circle from scratch, any suggestions or tips guys?
 

Lexielai

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Aug 12, 2013
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17
Hey Zphix,

First of all, here's a few articles for you to check out:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-m ... riendships
https://www.girlschase.com/content/stude ... al-success
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-m ... le-friends

Now, to make new friends, what you want to do is meet them! Go out and talk to people - visit places that they go to socialize. Meetup.com events, community groups, bars, whatever, go out and say hi! A lot like approaching women, plenty of friends can be made by just going out and talking to new people.

A great idea would be going out and pursuing your passions or hobbies. If you like sports, join a sports team; if you're a fan of games, maybe find a local tournament around! You get the idea ;)

Remember to be a valuable guy, who gives out value that people around him want, and you'll be finding plenty of friends around!

Now, the subject of bringing those friends together into an actual circle is another matter entirely, but you'll want to start with finding social groups first. Then you can start introducing those folks together I guess!

I'm not very experienced myself, and this just a lot of guesswork, so take it with a grain of salt.

Good luck, stay strong, have fun!
-Alex
 

Richard

Tribal Elder
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Meeting them isn't the problem, I have a lot of fun now socializing with strangers. My actual dilemma is the actual construction of the circle itself, establishing outings and such. Up until I started meeting women and learning quick I didn't have the desire nor the skill required to be an active member in a social circle.

Before, I didn't have a tight knit group, I was a very loose member who had to ask to do things, I wasn't invited, but now, I'm out of my shell! My potential is out, and its through the roof! So now, I think it'd do me a lot of good developing a new social circle, opposed to the old one because they have predispositioned ideas of me already. Now, I just want to be around people who are more like me...
 

The Byronic Man

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Aug 28, 2013
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209
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Huh, I'm in the same situation. I've grown so much, I feel like I need to start from scratch. Guys approach me and ask for my phone number, so I know I've grown enough where I can make guy friends. Girls at work ask me to hang out with them, so I know I can make female friends. This is all so weird when I look back at how much I've grown as an aspie. I'm in my early 30s now, so I guess that makes me a very late bloomer. I still sometimes have social anxiety, mostly because I've been traumatized with so much social failure, but I'm usually able to get past it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have so much potential now, but making new friends with people at my age group seems so challenging. That's not a good excuse...I'll be reading up those articles to kick my butt into action.
 

Verisimilitude

Cro-Magnon Man
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Dec 20, 2012
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463
Hey Zphix, I know exactly how you feel. I think everyone goes through a transition phase after you start internalizing the stuff on this website. Its natural and its really good. But anyways, I think the best thing for you to do is to JOIN a social circle rather than CREATE one.

Creating a social circle from scratch is hard work. Crazy hard work. First you have to win over that person, and then pull them out of their social circle and into yours. That's tough at best, at worst impossible. Now there is an exception. I call them "turning points" (where there is lots of people who don't know each other and are actively looking for friends). Freshmen year at a new school, or the first day of camp are great examples of "turning points". Creating a social circle at one of these is easier because everyone is looking to make friends and searching for people like them. But if you aren't at one of these points, creating a social circle is more work than its worth.

Joining a social circle is easier. You get to meet one of the guys in the group, they introduce you and you work your way into the group from there. And while everyone in the social circle might not fit your criteria, I bet most will. It doesn't seem like you'll have much trouble getting into the group or filling a role in it, so you don't have to worry about that.

The one issue is social circles tend to "set" after those turning points and it becomes much harder to get into the group. They might have inside jokes you don't know about, or group events they might not invite you to at first. I'm not sure how to break that mold and enter a social group, but maybe someone else can help you with that.

One last thing: Don't put anyone down early. Even the weakest link in a social circle is important. In fact, they might be the first one to let you into the group.
 

Richard

Tribal Elder
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XC, I appreciate the insight, and I think it's best if I share what somebody else told me on the matter as well.

Start by modeling yourself after someone who you want to be like. The vibe you'll give off will attract people who share similar views, basically, instead of actively joining a group, become someone who people want to talk to, a person who people want to be around, and I've been doing a fantastic job so far ;)
 

ZacAdam

Cro-Magnon Man
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Nov 20, 2012
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5,219
Hi Guys,

I would like to add here. First and foremost, i expected Zphix to be the Yellow guy soon. Yea!. :)

Okay, most of guys mistakes and in fact most people who work for government jobs or jobs in general, They are trying to be the Boss. The thing is, when things are already established, people are less likely to change it.

I acknowledge this fact that If i ever make friends when i am new, i be the passive guy in the group or whatever that place it. I usually be on the periphery, offering value, while at the same time, I gather people who are interesting and loyal, thus reinforcing that i don't judge people by status, and it's rather by what i want.

Sometimes you be surprised the person you consider the "weakest", actually has a lot of things to offer. That is why, you want to accept generally that you will be passive when finding friends but be your own boss and create a new social circle with you as the leader.

It takes hard work, but it reaps benefits because all of the people you gather have the same interest.

Zac
 

Richard

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I agree with you 100% Zac.

Generally speaking, the only way to change the boss of a workplace is to influence him to change by showing how change affects him directly for the better.

-Richard
 

ZacAdam

Cro-Magnon Man
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Zphix said:
Generally speaking, the only way to change the boss of a workplace is to influence him to change by showing how change affects him directly for the better.

You pointed out this one, This is right. But i must always note, at the back of my mind, that it takes years to be leader of a certain group/company.

And sometimes, some people in the group do not like it, so i rather spend more time create my own, :) while spending less time working on established social groups, offering value, and pick my members from there. It be lesser problems i assumed, but this is where i am trying to head the direction now.

Zac
 

Amadeaus

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Oct 4, 2013
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I have never found having a group of bros to be particularly rewarding. While it can be fun to be out with the guys and you can bond through doing all that cool guy stuff that you cant with women, single guy friends can be a bit of a liability for you. And if you are considering natural selection, it does not make sense for you to bring completion to your watering hole. (unless you like the thrill of out competing everyone).

To them, they just want to get laid also. No matter how good of bros you think you are, you are really a pawn in them getting lad, just as they are to you. If you are talking to a girl and go to the bathroom, they wont hesitate to get her number while you are gone. It isn't really rational for them to avoid a girl just because you may be into her. With that said, they can still be your friends.. but don't use them as your primary friend group.

After graduating, I built my social circle from scratch. Strategies I have used to avoid dick measuring contests, cock blocks and back stabbings are to befriend people that are in relationships/married and even girls that have friend zoned me. Anyone that you meet through playing sports or working with are also up for grabs.

People that are married or in a relationship may not always get out as much. You actually have a bit of value to them as you can add excitement to their lives and give them a reason to leave the coziness of their couch. They reward you with friendship and even by sending girls your way.

In summary, I'm indifferent to the politics of being the Alpha male. Ive found leaving the hyper-masculine group of dudes behind to be rewarding. Do cool stuff.. Play sports, be nice to even girls you arent attracted to. Everyone knows girls for you to meet.
 

Smurf

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I have to disagree with Amadeaus about the bro thing. I have a group of friends that were/are single and if you guys truly are friends, they'll know when to back off if they see you with a girl. At least that's how it works in my circle.

As for the question at hand, I would find a circle already somewhat established and then slowly integrate myself as the leader/host of it. If you have your fundamentals sorted it shouldn't be that hard to do once you find people with similar interests as you. That's my take.

Jake.
 

Verisimilitude

Cro-Magnon Man
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I think it depends on the friend group and your position on it. Alcohol also makes a difference. For example, if I'm out drinking with my friends, as soon as I find a girl I like and start talking, I try to get her isolated asap. Not only is this good for moving fast, but it keep my drunk friends from interrupting. Its not just them trying got go for you girls (most of my friends won't) but it's drama too (happens a lot).

Sober, I usually don't have a problem. Sometimes I do, but with people further away on my social circle.
 

Amadeaus

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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One of the laws of power is to not put too much trust in friends. Don't live your life in constant fear of betrayal or anything, but do keep it in mind.
 
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