Following the advice that Ray gave me on the topic about EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCY which you can find here: http://goo.gl/jvdCkZ, i want to know how am i actually supposed to cut these people off from my life?
Differently from the topic on emotional dependency where i talked about people who might have hidden malicious intentions towards me, in this topic i want to know how to cut off people who are not useful in your life anymore, especially those ones who are good to you?
To concretize my point, let me share this with you:
I have a friend from/since the primary school, we have been literally best friends for more than 6 years by now. He never betrayed or lied to me, he has been loyal and faithful to me all this time. But,with him i lost more than i ever gained. Why? - his level of intellegence is far below mine. We could never connect in an intellectual level. There were other aspects that brought us together, but, after the first year or the two years, after everytime we would hang out together, i had been feeling not understood and i was thinking that there was a problem with me that he can't understand all what i'm speaking, thus feeling drained afterwards. I was investing so much and getting nothing in return, not because he was playing games, but because he had no other value to offer me except the loyalty and faithfulness. The conlcusion is that he improved tremendously more as a person because of me, because of the advices and the time he spent with me, while, what later i came to realize was that not that i wasn't improving from that friendship but even regressing.
Anyways, i think it is already clear that to him i mean too much, i was an authority figure in his life, somebody he could depend on, and in many occasions i substituted the father role for him, which means that is so emotionally connected to me.
BUT, he is absolutely of no use to me, he brings nothing better to my life, i have already given him a lot, and he no longer deserves an important place in my life. I want to position him in my life, in the category of friends which i hang with or contact with maybe once in a year, not more. And i took this example, but this also applies to other people in my life, who do not deserve the position in my life they currently have, whether they are good ones or bad.
Then, how would be a good way to cut him off, to deposition him, to tell him and to make him understand indirectly, that he cannot take so much of my time like people who bring value to my life can, and to not insult him? Because, sometimes, knowing that taking steps towards this that include ignoring him a bit, would insult him, makes me feel guilty and i can not proceed any further and comeback to the starting point. - because again, how could one cut off the friend of life and deposition him like he never meant that much? - The truth is that it looks like this, but in reality, we do not connect in a deeper level, and he is of no value, and life is so short, i can't sacrifice myself just because of pity feelings.
A secret of success says: "Surround yourself with first-class people and people that you like"
So, friends of good will, what do i do to deposition people in my life(especially good ones) in a way that would not insult them? - or even if it insults them, to not resent me.
Differently from the topic on emotional dependency where i talked about people who might have hidden malicious intentions towards me, in this topic i want to know how to cut off people who are not useful in your life anymore, especially those ones who are good to you?
To concretize my point, let me share this with you:
I have a friend from/since the primary school, we have been literally best friends for more than 6 years by now. He never betrayed or lied to me, he has been loyal and faithful to me all this time. But,with him i lost more than i ever gained. Why? - his level of intellegence is far below mine. We could never connect in an intellectual level. There were other aspects that brought us together, but, after the first year or the two years, after everytime we would hang out together, i had been feeling not understood and i was thinking that there was a problem with me that he can't understand all what i'm speaking, thus feeling drained afterwards. I was investing so much and getting nothing in return, not because he was playing games, but because he had no other value to offer me except the loyalty and faithfulness. The conlcusion is that he improved tremendously more as a person because of me, because of the advices and the time he spent with me, while, what later i came to realize was that not that i wasn't improving from that friendship but even regressing.
Anyways, i think it is already clear that to him i mean too much, i was an authority figure in his life, somebody he could depend on, and in many occasions i substituted the father role for him, which means that is so emotionally connected to me.
BUT, he is absolutely of no use to me, he brings nothing better to my life, i have already given him a lot, and he no longer deserves an important place in my life. I want to position him in my life, in the category of friends which i hang with or contact with maybe once in a year, not more. And i took this example, but this also applies to other people in my life, who do not deserve the position in my life they currently have, whether they are good ones or bad.
Then, how would be a good way to cut him off, to deposition him, to tell him and to make him understand indirectly, that he cannot take so much of my time like people who bring value to my life can, and to not insult him? Because, sometimes, knowing that taking steps towards this that include ignoring him a bit, would insult him, makes me feel guilty and i can not proceed any further and comeback to the starting point. - because again, how could one cut off the friend of life and deposition him like he never meant that much? - The truth is that it looks like this, but in reality, we do not connect in a deeper level, and he is of no value, and life is so short, i can't sacrifice myself just because of pity feelings.
A secret of success says: "Surround yourself with first-class people and people that you like"
So, friends of good will, what do i do to deposition people in my life(especially good ones) in a way that would not insult them? - or even if it insults them, to not resent me.
