How to deal with aloof women? (usually the hottest girls in class)

[DaVinciMatrixStyle]

I noticed that in my dance classes, the hottest girls are usually aloof. But all the other girls are very friendly with me as much as being flirty with me no problem. When I talk to the typical 'prettiest in class' girls, they're usually aloof and non-chalant with me.

For example, I was dancing salsa, and this one particular girl was very aloof last class. So I just assumed she wasn't interested. I waved hi to her and her friend today (just being friendly to everyone) and she waved back. When it was her and my turn to dance, she started a conversation "Did you seriously take an Uber for a 5 minute walk today? I saw you! )" to which I just kind of smiled as in 'oh you caught me' but kind of played it aloof. (She also caught me off-guard because I thought she'd be aloof again)

Then, as we're going in circle, I comeback to her. This time I was bit more fun and upbeat because of dancing with other partners and vibing with them. This time she was back to her being reserved and aloof again with minimal responses.

I was trying to leader in Bachata steps we learned and made a mistake in order to which she goes "Aren't we supposed to go side to side?" "Let's move side to side". A little cold and her femininity dissappearing.

Another example is that I was in a dance class and the teacher had us divide into groups of whether we were the oldest or the youngest. After sharing some stories, 'the queen beauty' type of girl says she has 4 sibling and one brother. Immediately I go 'oof, I feel the pain for your brother'. I can tell she wasn't used to being treated that way because she responded by just looking at me with a queen-no expression- type of look. But I stayed unfazed and just asked her 'hows your relationship with your bro' which she answered 'not that great'. Staying aloof but ill catch her observing me when I'm talking to other people in class.

It's also kind of weird, because I'll see them watching me and staring at me at times. And I'll see moments where they're curious.

This is just an example but I noticed this pattern with girls that are the hottest in other classes as well. They are very aloof with me which makes me think they're not interested or think they're better but at the same time I catch them looking at times or just observing me.

Any ideas?

 

[ulrich]

Some girls that are so used to be approached can act aloof because they think you are going to flirt mediocrely just like every other guy if they give you the chance.

Given that this is social circle, I think the best option is acting joyfully and have her watch you have fun with the other girls in the class.
The social preselection will eventually mellow her out.

There’s also the very likely chance that she has a boyfriend and she acts all closed off to avoid new suitors.
And the less likely chance that she is simply jaded for some reason and not fun to be around.

 

[DaVinciMatrixStyle]

Here's a little update: In both of my classes, (the hottest indifferent girls) came up to me out of nowhere and started conversations with me. It threw me off both times because I just assumed they weren't interested.

One came up to me asking all types of questions
"I havent seen you before, did you add class late?" "What's your major?" "How old are you?" "I'm from X country". She threw me off and I was trying to listen to what my dance instructor was trying to instruct us to do and when she saw where my attention was she said "oh right, sorry!"

Another asked me
"Did you come to class on a skateboard?" "I saw you! )" to which I just smirked or a little smile cause it threw me off. I didn't know how to respond before switching partners.After going through 10+dancing partners, I was in high spirits, and when I cameback I was like "look who it is again! we made a full circle" but this time she was reserved again.

Both of them threw me off. What gives?

 

[HoofHearted]

The most important part of group class is to socialize and have fun. I wish you would've been naughty and interacted with the girl instead of being a good student. Get in trouble together you two vs instructor, your own private world.

An aside, In the non-school world, these dances are very hierarchical, insular communities that involve status, sometimes based on competition rank. Many men think they need to get skills to climb rank in order to pull. Some of them reach an upper echelon and are surprised to learn, they still can't pull. Dance skills aren't needed to get laid, but they do help.

I don't know these women's intentions with you. But I would suggest you treat each as a lead, this is what group class is best for. Socialize, been seen with women laughing with you and liking you, take numbers and put those numbers through the process. Maybe even invite out after class is done. The way you presented these women's statements looks like a degree of inital interest in you, so use that.

You will be seen, so it's kind of hard to operate on the downlow. What I would probably do is build as much positivity in class as I could, and take numbers. Also be aware that dance is an inlet for the female need for attention, the entire point of most partner dance styles is to 'present' the follower, and the social nature and attention getting nature of dance will undoubtedly drive some of these women's intentions. Be extra mindful of this, versus which followers may be stringing you along.

A final, maybe more advanced bit I might share is that dancing with women may actually hurt your prospects with them later. It seems sometimes a dance can fulfill a need or two that these women carry, that might otherwise serve your interests. Usually I detect this in slower, more sensual songs than you would hear in salsa. Beware of the bachata I guess.

And lastly, know that dance can be just superior in terms of presenting yourself. If you have the posture you need to have, and the poise, and the frame, and the connection-- you can step up into dance position in a really dominant way with amazing nonverbals. Your entire body, your entire being will take her and lead her. Just by taking her into your embrace, your very presence will make her wet. Take no shit, and make her follow by being a leader that inspires it.

 

[DaVinciMatrixStyle]

I appreciate your response!

Any clarification on what makes a girl act indifferent/reserved -> interested -> reserved again?

 

[HoofHearted]

Yes, they do that when you hurt their feelings.

In other words...

She is interested in something about you/plays it cool

She tests the water in a careful way.

You don't recognize it and react poorly, or don't react as you should

She interprets this as you rejecting her reaching out to you. Feelings hurt.

This may have happened when you didn't know how to respond to skateboard girl. Who knows? I wasn't there.

Was she reaching for you? To reach for another person is an emotional gamble. Sometimes you lose. Women feel this acutely when it happens with men.

 

[DaVinciMatrixStyle]

You don't recognize it and react poorly, or don't react as you should

She interprets this as you rejecting her reaching out to you. Feelings hurt.

It's kind of weird because it's the prettiest ones that act indifferent versus other ones thats kinda cute thats happy and joyful which makes it smooth which is interesting.

Thanks again hoof

 

[HoofHearted]

I don't know. I wasn't there.

And you don't know, because you didn't find out.

I'm not sure it's exactly as you say. I'm not a dating coach, and I have a hard enough time with my own reality to tend to.

But being direct about interest is such a decidedly unfeminine thing to do. I notice it does happen sometimes to me, but mostly in longshot cases. I.e., the chick has done the math and figures throwing it is the optimal strategy, usually happens with older women, or unattractive women, or women that have seen a lot of other people liking me (including other women). I see the hail mary occasionally in the right circumstances.

But usually what I see is women concealing their interest. One thing that helps me is to think of women as like the lamest dudes when it comes to this, because I used to be one of the lamest dudes.

I would drop subtle hints that could go either way. Any emotional danger or embarassment was to be avoided, it mattered too much, especially if other people saw.

It's rather unbecoming for a man to be this way. But it is a default mode for women. Again, the feel that feedback rather acutely, whereas you might brush it off.

But really, who knows? What I would do for you is forget all this shit and just follow a process to get phone numbers or dates or connections.

Does she seem into me -> is she receptive to me -> build a brief, good impression and get phone number

I would be discrete in class. Dance class is social and you don't want to scare the fish in the pond. I would pick from the edges, maybe in the swirl before or after class.

You could also put together outside of class practices BUT you run the risk of sinking time into women who will do this but not be into you. I would probably sink a little intention into the interactions, i.e. she would know the number is requested for a date, if I were doing this. Which I actually currently am.

 

[POB]

My guess is it is 90% in your head.
If you are being social and fun during class, it's natural girls will get curious about you.

Most of what you are describing are probing questions.
They are testing the waters to see how you react.
Plus remember that pretty girls don't know how to flirt (simply because they don't have to).

Usually in a social environment (gym, dance, work, etc) it's better to respond with cocky funny, secret society hints and the us vs authority playfullnnes:
Her: "Did you seriously take an Uber for a 5 minute walk today? I saw you! )" showing interest and poking at you
You: "Damnnn, busted....you see, I need to save my energy to come here and Magic Mike all over you. Do you think it's easy to be this sexy all the time?" cocky funny
let her giggle
"No, seriously, If you wanna talk during class and get busted, no problem (wink and hug her, then whisper in her ear: "I'll cover ya"). us vs authority

When they act serious, you do the opposite...call the authority and the attention of the whole class to you guys as a way to punish her cold behavior:
Her: "Aren't we supposed to go side to side?"
You: "Yo, teacheeeer (really loud)....can you come here please and see if I'm doing this right?"
She's probably gonna feel a little embarassed and stop doing that.

After class, it is time to get the number or try an insta date:
"Hey, X, can we talk real quick?
(lead her to a quiet corner)
"Look, I don't know if you are already taken, but I really liked our energy during class and wanna check if there's a vibe in there. I'm up for a quick coffee right now, or we can exchange numbers and try another time. What you say?". (edit: the invitation should always be low-key+low-effort).

 

[Fuck This]

1) Engage her friend or the girl next to her.
2) Know everyone else there and recognize them/have them greet you.
3) Don't be rude, but don't go out of your way to talk to her.
4) Let her overhear your conversation
5) When you see her sneaking glances, invite her to be part of the conversation. "oh hey, April right? What do you think about the band?"
6) Validate her opinion, pivot topics to something she loves to talk about.

 

[DaVinciMatrixStyle]

Appreciate you gents

 

[ProblemSolving]

Given that this is social circle, I think the best option is acting joyfully and have her watch you have fun with the other girls in the class.
The social preselection will eventually mellow her out.

There’s also the very likely chance that she has a boyfriend and she acts all closed off to avoid new suitors.
And the less likely chance that she is simply jaded for some reason and not fun to be around.

Good advice here.

Most girls you see will NOT be sexually available to anyone, so don't take it personally when girls don't react how you want.

If a girl sees me and does not send me any signals (I am invisible to her) I just assume she is not sexually available or that I am simply not her type.

I have actually had ex girlfriends confirm this to me that while we were together other men seemed invisible to them and that it wasn't until months after the breakup that they started to notice other guys again.

You will notice this as well when you cold approach. You can usually tell within the first 5 seconds of starting the conversation whether she is interested or not. Either she is happy that you started a conversation and won't move away from you or she's totally neutral and kind of confused and will move away from you.

Oh, and how hot a girl is has no bearing on how aloof she is. A hot girl that is sexually available and digs your look/vibe will not "act" aloof to "test" you or preserve her status. Women as a whole are actually worse than men at hiding their emotions. They are not robots.