How to Deal with Legimate Personal Value Shifts

[metalbird]

Let's face it: no matter who you are, life has ups and downs.

This time one year ago, I was making almost six figures, with a three bedroom house and a new car. Not bad for a 22 year old. I was at the top of my game; I could go out and set up five dates in a day's time.

Then circumstances changed. Fast-forward to today. I've had to move back in with my parents. I'm making less than half of what I used to. I drive a horrible clunker. And I'm terrible with women.

I have no confidence. I flub approaches. Push women away on first dates. It's like I'm deliberately sabotaging myself.

But is it really my circumstances that are holding me back, or is my perception of myself?

I have a coworker at my new job who is a couple years old than me and is probably what we call a "natural." He's irresistibly charismatic. Everyone acknowledges his magnetism, and he sleeps with whomever he pleases. But guess what: Is he better looking than me? No. He's short and Asian. Does he make more money? He makes less. He must have a fancy car, right? He drives the exact same clunker as I do.

But the difference is, he's never been as "successful" as I once was. Or more specifically, he doesn't care, but I do.

I'm in a terrible slump, and I can't seem to get a shred of confidence back. It's akin to a powerful frame shift, and I don't know how to deal with it. Please advise.

 

[NotRealFakeDude]

You are the person that is holding yourself back. You need to feel confident about yourself no matter your situation. You don't need money, or power, or a fancy car to please women. All you need to do is make them enjoy your company, and most of the time all that requires is for you to be fun to be around. If you are sad all the time and never seem happy, you are no fun. It's all about attitude. you need to have a much more positive outlook on life. At least you have a job and a car and a place to stay. aim to do better and make twice as much money as before. set goals and work toward those goals. sometimes it may get tough, but if you stick it through and reach those goals, then it will all be worth it in the end.

 

[Zorex]

On self confidence:
Anyone with an high income, who drives a fancy car, owns a big house and is able to set up dates effortlessly would have had very high self confidence. Works the same for you, me and anyone else. Yet when you slip back a lot and find yourself in a worse situation than you were in before, self confidence doesnt come that easy anymore. The reason for that is that most people get their self confidence from an external factor, like a well paid job, abundance in girls, fancy possessions or popularity.

Now lets have a look at your coworker. He has found a way to be self confident and charismatic without an external factor in play. He doesnt have the ideal male body as described by media or drives a nice car, yet he still comes across as being very self confident. Apperently he has found a source of self confidence within himself, and I urge you to do the same.

One of the things you could do to get self confidence from within yourself is to work on your fundamentals. For example body language, voice tonation, looks. Basicly become your best self to get confidene about yourself. If you for example dont have your body language in place, its hard to be magnetic in a room full of people. Yet if you know that you walk around like a king you will be more confident being around people.
Another thing you could do is to keep working toward the goals you set for yourself, so that at least you know that you are making progress. If you for example want to get promoted to a better paid position in your workplace, you could set aside 30 min a day to become well read in your branch of work. Or if you want to become more healthy you could hit the gym. It is important that you stick to these goals and put in the work to reach them in order to become confident about yourself.

I hope this gives you some insights. And remember: One step back and two steps forward. I know that you could be making twice as much as you did 1 year ago. Put in the work, become a better person and have fun doing so.

Wish you the best
Zorex

 

[Bboy100]

Your problem seems pretty simple to me...Whether conscious or not, you derive your value as a person based on performance in that which you value (i.e. in this case, your material wealth). You need to figure out why that is, and deal with that issue. Until you do this, your confidence will always be at the mercy of the external world.

 

[Ree]

Let's face it: no matter who you are, life has ups and downs.

This time one year ago, I was making almost six figures, with a three bedroom house and a new car. Not bad for a 22 year old. I was at the top of my game; I could go out and set up five dates in a day's time.

Then circumstances changed. Fast-forward to today. I've had to move back in with my parents. I'm making less than half of what I used to. I drive a horrible clunker. And I'm terrible with women.

I have no confidence. I flub approaches. Push women away on first dates. It's like I'm deliberately sabotaging myself.

Horrible clunker...
Nigga..i dont even own a car

 

[Mystique]

All the replies you've gotten to your post are very correct. I just want to add a piece of advice -Read "New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle- It's one of the books recommended by Richard. I'm currently reading it