How to deal with people like this?

[Slippin' Jimmy]

I've got a friend who is generally a likeable and funny guy, but becomes an obnoxious ingrate after 1 too many beers (which is pretty often). He will put you to sleep with his loudmouth opinions and not let anyone get a word in edgewise, and will also insult friends to make himself look good/witty in front of others. He's also less calibrated than others in our circle and doesn't pick up on subtle cues of boredom or disinterest.

I could be nasty and try to take him down in frontt of others, but I'm a guy who doesn't want to throw his friends under a bus, as I believe it's poor form and I think it would look socially uncalibrated on my behalf too. So you get this dynamic where I'm too nice to call him out on his boring, shallow opinions, but he's got the audacity to throw his friends under a bus to make others laugh. It pisses me off immensely. Sure I could go "no one gives a fuck about your opinion. shut the fuck up". I just think this makes me look bad too, and don't wanna get into a blunt war of words. Maybe this is just me being weak and not wanting to cause conflict.

He's a good friend but his presence whilst drunk is becoming unbearable, not just for me but also others in my social circle. Just wondering if there's a way to deal with this oafishness or whether it's better to stop hanging out.

 

[ray_zorse]

NEXT.

 

[Lotus]

No, obviously you cannot just call him out in front of others while drinking. He will respond as if you are attacking and it won't be productive.

You have to talk to him when you're both sober.

It has to be a 1 on 1 "bro" talk.

Tell him how you feel and keep your cool about it. He likely doesn't even know he gets carried away while drinking, if he is reasonable and you approach it correctly he will appreciate the comment. No one really wants to be known as that asshole.

 

[Slippin' Jimmy]

No, obviously you cannot just call him out in front of others while drinking. He will respond as if you are attacking and it won't be productive.

You have to talk to him when you're both sober.

It has to be a 1 on 1 "bro" talk.

Tell him how you feel and keep your cool about it. He likely doesn't even know he gets carried away while drinking, if he is reasonable and you approach it correctly he will appreciate the comment. No one really wants to be known as that asshole.

Thanks for your good advice and insight brum. I will attempt this 1on1 bro talk.

 

[ray_zorse]

How did it go?
Ray

 

[Estate]

I've got a friend who is generally a likeable and funny guy, but becomes an obnoxious ingrate after 1 too many beers (which is pretty often). He will put you to sleep with his loudmouth opinions and not let anyone get a word in edgewise, and will also insult friends to make himself look good/witty in front of others. He's also less calibrated than others in our circle and doesn't pick up on subtle cues of boredom or disinterest.

I could be nasty and try to take him down in frontt of others, but I'm a guy who doesn't want to throw his friends under a bus, as I believe it's poor form and I think it would look socially uncalibrated on my behalf too. So you get this dynamic where I'm too nice to call him out on his boring, shallow opinions, but he's got the audacity to throw his friends under a bus to make others laugh. It pisses me off immensely. Sure I could go "no one gives a fuck about your opinion. shut the fuck up". I just think this makes me look bad too, and don't wanna get into a blunt war of words. Maybe this is just me being weak and not wanting to cause conflict.

He's a good friend but his presence whilst drunk is becoming unbearable, not just for me but also others in my social circle. Just wondering if there's a way to deal with this oafishness or whether it's better to stop hanging out.

I went through the same with 2 buddies a little while back. I think I even posted here about it. Thing is, he's not a good friend. He'll do what he can to keep you feeling that way, just enough to make you tolerate his bad behaviour and make excuses for him.

I wouldn't even bother trying to tool him back. It's rare that someone like this has a sudden "Aha!" moment and realizes what he's doing, infact, he probably thinks to himself he's right and everyone else is wrong.

Just move on, don't have a blowup with the guy, just ramp down your time with him. Painless for everyone and keep your sanity.

 

[Big Daddy]

I was going to say what Estate just said; 1 on 1 bro talk never worked for me (probably for a good reason).

 

[Slippin' Jimmy]

Thanks all for the input. Had the bro talk a couple of weeks ago, after a beer or 2. Response was along the lines of "no worries mate, will try to be less of a dick". Mostly smooth sailing since then. Its hard to tell whether this will stick though.