How to deal with rejection?

[Don]

Have not posted a lot or in a while, but that is because I was busy with life, anyway not important.

I have always taken rejection on a somewhat personal level, I mean who doesn't really. So I have approached a lot of women this year and have had rejection after rejection, had success here and there, but I am improving which is always amazing. The problem is I approach so much I have had to find ways to deal with rejection and no I don't mean go meet more women at all. Sometimes you have so many women you could careless and other times it's an absolute drought and there is nothing you can do about it, you alone in terms of women you have on the back-burner.

So to the point when you have no women on the back-burner how do you handle rejection, well I guess I will start. When I get rejected I always go tell my cool friends and I tell them straight up what happen. I mean they laugh at you or they just joke around about it. I have found when you keep it in, like most men do it's going to burn you up I'm telling you, you will feel alone even more, telling my friends and I love it when they laugh at me, no joke. The thing is it tells me it is not as serious as you think it is, it is only in your head. If you keep it in, it holds big weight and always seems more serious. As long as you got cool friends, most guys respect if you approach and get rejected then sitting around or if they play the game themselves they know how it goes.

So I would like to know other ways to deal with rejection on a deeper level, then it is not a big deal go get more women. That doesn't work when you flopped like twice in a row or more or got nothing on the back burner.

 

[Mr.Rob]

I spend an extremely insignificant amount of time thinking about rejection and how it reflects who I am.

I read about guys who it seems like every time they get rejected a little piece of their heart gets torn away as they reflect on what it means about who they are when a girl doesn't like them.

I know that most of the girls I approach I'm not going to like anyway for personality reasons, or we just don't have chemisty, or she's just negative and not fun to be around.

I don't really care too much what any one girl thinks about me it's totally irrelevant.

Guys get hung up on this and I think the issue is that you are looking externally for people to tell them who they are because they don't know themselves and do not have a deeply entrenched idea of who they are as a man.

Perhaps that is your issue.

When I get rejected my mood goes up and I spend zero time wondering how it reflects me as a person.

 

[Drck]

Rejections are real, the pain is real. You would have to be insensitive and unable to emphatise in order not to feel the pain.... Saying that when you get rejected just go and sleep with other girls is not a complete picture, there is quite immaturity in it. If you trully love other person and the love is broken for whatever reason, the pain is simply there...

There is no simple solution to it, so let's divide it into three phases:

1. Before you meet new girl(s), develop abundance mentality. Make sure you have couple girls that you can go out with, that you have on back burner as you say. Also, have some realistic plan for LONG term relationship with a girl that are you looking for. Even make some rules for yourself ahead so you know WHEN to pull out out of unhealthy relationship. Do it before you meet that girl because once you meet her it will be late, your feelings will take over. For example, make a list of Red Flags, e.g. She is flaking + she is disrespecting + she is flirting too much with other guys + she doesn't invest anything into me --> Time to dump her

2. During time being with her monitor hers and your actions. She needs to be investing into the relationship, ideally she is investing more than you and without prompting. She should make it clear to you that she is looking for long term (with you). Som flirting with others is fine, but she should make it very clear that she wants you only. You need to give her some degree of freedom, especially to talk to other guys if she wants to. You might even discuss her past relationships with her just to find out how is she looking at her past loves (no need for deep diving). Do exciting and spontaneous things here and there, don't just sit home and watch tv. Monitor level of respect she has towards you in long term. Monitor Red Flags as above, if you see Red Flags start actively working on relationship - discuss things, set better boundaries, be clear in what you like and what you dislike - she must respect that. If she is disrespecting you, it simply means that you need to man up (if not already too late); you are not a man enough in her eyes, you are too childish, too immature, too weak.... If necessary be ready to leave once there is too many of Red Flags and too much of disrespect --> Dump her while it is still relatively soon... You have to make clear decision first, because once you dump her don't take her back no matter what, there is some sort of game, that you dump her, she will do everything to come back to you, she will make it seem that everything g is ok - and then, she will dump you out of revenge...

3. Should you get dumped, a good way is to discuss it with friends, as you said. Suck it up because the pain is real. Go exercise, work harder, get a second job, take some college classes, whatever, spend your time doing productive things, and THING about other things. Don't just sit home and feel sorry for yourself, don't keep replaying great moments with her... Contact girls on your back burner. They may be taken but they can still make you feel better. Know that the pain may take some time but it will eventually go away. Let her go, and wish her all the best... Once you are ready go out and start meeting new women, life goes on...

 

[Don]

Well noted from both comments. I do not take it too personally, it's life. But I still do of course. Though I do have days when results aren't going my way and It's just like what the hell is up. Of course there is days when everything is perfect, which is great but not always. Quoting Goodfellas, 'the way I look at it, every now and then you have to take a beating'. I can literally approach a couple of girls 2 or 3 and not care about the result, but when negative results stack up it is what it is. It is difficult not to reflect and not think you are doing something wrong or something is wrong. You can't always win, so I am looking for ways to deal with losses quickly and more effectively, as I have commented I have taken steps to do so and I am looking for further ways. Though reflection does help see where you making mistakes, especially if you keep repeating the same mistakes.

Though I do agree I just need to move on faster and stop reflecting as much on past interactions and just enjoy the moment. And both your comments have helped and any further comments will help.

 

[ray_zorse]

Of course you are doing something wrong, or you would be getting laid like a pornstar (in your breaks from counting your millions that is). But when that happens you won't be here, haha. Point is to work out how to improve. Each rejection helps you to do this. Like Mr.Rob I couldn't give a fuck about rejection. Umm maybe done about 1500 approaches since I discovered game, could be as high as 2000 idk. That amount of rejection really hardens you the fuck up and you barely notice it anymore, or you treat it as a game of being as persistent or as obnoxious or as cheeky as possible, since you could not really give a fuck what she thinks. Like Mr.Rob describes, I was a beta little pussy who got my validation from those around me. Now I'm very good at saying "well I got out of my comfort zone and approached, that makes me a better man than 99% of pussies out there" and that's how I get my validation, from whether *I* was happy with my behaviour and efforts. If I'm not, I step it up, I don't run away crying "oh no, hot girls don't like me, boo hoo". I also have to balance other priorities with game, so if I get rejected due to poor game, fundamentals or warmup then this is completely my responsibility (a consequence of my decision making) and well within my power to change depending on how much it bothers me. What really makes me cry though, is how many girls I didn't ask out, didn't kiss, didn't lay etc due to fear of rejection. Some of them were literally in my bed for fuck's sake, and I did not even make a move because I was waiting for a sign she wouldn't reject me if I did. Fuck me, how could I be so deluded? Luckily all that changed when I discovered GC at 38.
Ray
PS Note I have been getting approach anxiety lately which is really just fear of rejection in a different guise, it's hard to crack this completely but I have been steadily increasing my approaches. Warmup is really important in dealing with AA.

 

[Smith]

I think I need rejections lol I love the feeling when you have been rejected God knows how many times in a row, and u just give up on any self image you're trying to maintain. Then that's when u usually become outcome independent and free.

Anyway what really bothers me is making the same mistakes again and again, or not figuring out where I can improve. I usually go through a quick checklist when I get rejected so I can correct it in my next interaction, but I try not to put labels in the rejection or even think about it for more than a few mins max. Once u take the lessons from each interaction, u can just delete that memory for good.. You also have to realize you can do everything right, and u still might get rejected.

One of my favorite technique from Julien is positive reframe every rejection. This prevents you from getting sad when a girl doesn't want to talk to you.

On a deeper level, make a list of all the benefits the girl will get from sleeping with you. And be specific. I made a list a few months ago and it has changed the way I think when I get rejected. Now I'm automatically thinking "damn I didn't do my best and that girl missed out on a great experience in her life.. What can I do better next time? "

Hope this helps
Smith

 

[Mr.Rob]

Now I'm very good at saying "well I got out of my comfort zone and approached, that makes me a better man than 99% of pussies out there" and that's how I get my validation, from whether *I* was happy with my behaviour and efforts

Hahahah YES! This is my new life mantra! Absolute gold Ray, that is the best way I've ever heard this thought be articulated and what a badass frame to come from. This made my day thanks for posting!

What really makes me cry though, is how many girls I didn't ask out, didn't kiss, didn't lay etc due to fear of rejection. Some of them were literally in my bed for fuck's sake, and I did not even make a move because I was waiting for a sign she wouldn't reject me if I did.

+1

 

[Don]

Real talk Smith. Rejection becomes easier as you keep getting rejected you move on faster and care-less. I am not at that stage yet, but with every approach I give a fuck-less. Positive re-framing is technique I sort of started using as I have become more confident, just improving myself in my personal life and work life. People have pointed out my improvement and I am confident I am a great guy, so I will definitely be using that a lot. Thanks for the advice.

Ray_Zorse glad you posted I am still fairly young, but I realised at a fairly young age I sucked with women. After the girl who asked me out broke up with me and I went into bitch mode. Only way I got girls was them asking me out and what made it worse my relationships were just bad, doing some straight up pussy shit, while I got fucked over and guys straight up taking my girls. I have been busy with varsity and been working in a studio on films and shit, so now that I am taking my end of year break I am less busy, but still having a good time with friends where possible. Taking time to work on my game as well.

Since I'm 22 I still got a lot of women to meet and I don't want anymore regrets where possible and in my control, thanks for reminding me that. Back to work.