How to deep dive girls with no direction and no drive?

[tvktvk]

Wadup everyone,

Deep diving is something I feel I am very advanced in. People tend to open up to me very easily, but one problem
I have encountered many times is deep diving girls that have no idea what they want in life or girls who really
don't give a shit and totally ignore the future. Maybe I become judging after I acknowledge this in a given encounter,
but sometimes I just cannot wrap my head around the fact that the person in front of me has no clear future goal in life ahead of them.
Aaand after that the convo many times fall apart. I believe many of them go into auto-rejection because they know their value has been hit.
So my question is:

What are the best ways/topics to deep dive these types of girls?

TVKTVK

 

[Estate]

What you're really doing here is qualifying the girls.

If you are qualifying things that are important to YOU in order to be with them, and they are not meeting those standards, then you've disqualified them.
Yet you STILL want to sleep with them and continue the interaction?

I think maybe you need to change your direction.
If these things are not actually worth qualifying for you to be with the girl, I would stop trying to press them on these issues, it will be a turnoff for both you and them if their value is being lowered.

 

[tvktvk]

Hey Estate, that was one quick answer!

I believe you are right, it is a turn off for me. My psysical attraction for a girl can however overpower this, but I end up disqualifying her anyways...

I think it's that I sometimes don't recognize early enough that she is not comfortable talking about her future. When I actually do realize this I try to brush it off
and rack my brain for something else to bond over but I end up hesitating while in my head my thoughts are going:
Really? Nothing at all you wish to pursue in life? ...and then I loose her. I end up disqualifying her unintentionally. I guess I have to do a better job ignoring what my thoughts are saying? Thank you for your reply though!

 

[someone]

Why not disqualify her and move on? If you are into girls with a sense of direction and purpose then just go for them. There are tons of girls with ambition and goals, even more than there are men these days it seems!

 

[tvktvk]

Hi someone! (I see what you did there)

I understand what you're saying, but as my goal right now is to achieve my first lay ever
I don't think I can afford moving on from a girl just because she doesn't fulfill a girlfriend criteria of mine.
Besides, it's not like it hurts becoming better at talking to these types of girls, you know?

 

[someone]

I'm willing to bet that you could find 3 or 4 girls in the span of a week who would all go to bed with you and who would all have at least some sense of purpose.

 

[Estate]

tvktvk,
What you really need to do is start building more of a connection with them.

That is the intention of deep diving but not all people are created equal. You'll find that if you deep dive certain girls about their goals and aspirations and what they want out of life, very motivated and driven people will open up and be only happy to talk all about themselves. Deep diving should be aimed at getting HER to open up, whatever it is she is interested in, it's just your responsibility to read her and know where to steer the conversation and let her do the talking.

However, it seems like you're either meeting younger girls or girls who are more partiers than career girls, or something like that.
In that case you really need to connect with them with topics on their level. If they are more "live in the moment" and gossip with the girls type of person, then it might all be superficial but this is what gets them talking, not asking them where their life is going... if they really just aren't to type to having some big longterms plans and are just living in the "now".

The problem with deep diving these girls is that you are essentially screening them out. Ideally you would be doing this on meeting them and not even make it to a date because if they are not living up to what you want in a girl, you move on.

If you are unintentionally screening them out, it can also put them into auto-rejection with you. There's an idea in the PUA community that if you disqualify women, it puts you on a higher level than them and thus they will chase. I haven't always found this to be the case. At least not with hard screening like this...
You can disqualify a girl by teasing her: "Oh you're trouble, I only date nice girls!" which is playful and can get her chasing...
But if you disqualify her HARD by trying to deep dive on big meaningful topics which she really hasn't planned for... she'll just think you're not on the same wave length and have nothing in common, thus she'll also disqualify you on that basis and you'll see a girl close up pretty quickly at this point.

 

[tvktvk]

Hey Estate,

That second reply cleared up a lot of my confusion. Thank you.

TVKTVK

 

[robertnyc]

Hey - I will just throw my two cents in here from my experience with deep diving. There were not a lot of details in the original post about the ages of the girls or the context of when the deep diving occurred but these are my thoughts.

First when a girl doesn't want to answer some deep dive questions it could be a sign that you are going into the deep dive too soon. Its often helpful to establish a fun flirty vibe for the first few minutes and confirming that she has some initial attraction for you. If the initial attraction is not there then girls will resist deep diving questions and topics.

Second, are you alone or isolated with the girl and sitting down together or are you trying to deep dive her in front of a group of people? Deep diving only works when you have some isolation going.

Third, be mindful of thread cutting and selecting topics to deep dive on that she wants to talk about. Maybe her future plans are something her parents harp on her about and she is sick of the topic. Try to fish around for better topics for a deep dive. For younger girls it could be why they chose the majors they did for college, why they decided to go away to college or stay home, what types of parties she likes to go to and why (i.e. big ED music parties or small parties with friends). Astrology and New Age topics can also kick things off with these kinds of girls. If she doesn't plan for the future maybe she goes by her intuition and maybe she has some cool stories about when her intuition worked out for her.

Fourth, remember to try and be non-judgemental and encourage her to open up. If she can't talk about her future plans say something like "I know what you mean, the future is over rated and you only live once. Have you been on any crazy adventures this semester?"

 

[Chase]

tvktvk-

To build on what Estate is saying, sometimes going too deep isn't the best option with every girl.

With some girls - younger girls, flightier girls, models, flight attendants, etc. - you just want to get them talking about whatever and laughing and having a good time. They can talk to you about gossip or their friends or whatever; you just focus on touching them and finding ways to qualify them on things that they find impressive enough about themselves (and that you like as well).

e.g., you're talking to a girl who's in college, and she's talking about how all these girls dress in XYZ fashion, and ew, it's so gross. And you say yeah, you seem pretty fashionable - where'd you learn your sense of style at? And she talks about it a bit, and maybe plays herself down somewhat if she's not too boorish / uncalibrated, and you show some appreciation for how hard she worked to develop her fashion sense. And then later she's talking about her friend's silly relationship, and you agree that is silly, and then joke with her that of course SHE never has silly relationships, and she tells you a little about her relationship history and you compliment her on knowing what she wants / not getting caught up in thinking that every little relationship is a big life-or-death affair.

Things like that.

Basically, just get her gossiping about whatever, and then find ways to relate it back to her: "You're right, that IS [whatever she's saying]; how did you [something related to what she's saying] / I'll bet YOU never [whatever she's chastising others for] / how do you meet these people if they're so weird / crazy / recklessly impulsive?" and then qualify her on her responses.

Also, be sure to touch a lot - touch as you qualify, escalate touch as the interaction progresses, etc. Qualifying + escalating touch is a winning combination.

Chase