How to embrace the "new" me?

[Echoes]

Hey all!

Having just turned 28, I had my first real relationship (5 yrs, ended in June), got my bachelors, solo backpacked in Europe for a month (planned and executed it myself in 1 week), got a nice tattoo (forearm), took singing lessons, and should have a real job (upper 5 figures) any day now, fingers crossed. I am also finally getting strict with my diet and hitting proper protein counts (already am fit, but even though I "wear" it well, 21% body fat isn't ideal). This is miles beyond where I was just a few months ago and the last time I was in the game, and even though living at home and being unemployed gets to me a good deal, I realize my value is rocketing and those are temporary.

The issue I'm facing is I don't really FEEL the increase in value. In the months since breaking up, it's become clear my self-worth got trashed from being pegged to earning money and me not earning money as I was in school. There's also the aspect that given I was loyal to my gf for years and got used to not overstepping boundaries with others, my cold-approach vibe sometimes feels too... friendly. They see the tattoo, seem to like my vibe, hear about my trip to Europe, but the follow-through isn't happening yet. Does anyone have any tips for how to leverage these new aspects of myself? Tattoo, world-traveler (in the US), sing, VERY experienced in bed, etc. Or is that the wrong way to be thinking about these things in the first place?

Open to any other thoughts as well!

P.S. I'm also testing nofap to see how my game is affected. It definitely makes me want to get out and meet more girls, but counterintuitively may be dulling my edginess, as my in-person sexual intent seems to die down. It also murders my desire to play videogames and increases my artistic sense (ie. singing more). Not sure if others have any feedback on nofap.

 

[FunGuy]

You are all over the place bro, you need to slow down and focus on one thing at a time. I am probably wrong but you seem to be doing things that might be a little out of character in hopes that it will be a "cheat code" to getting laid (I am getting vibes that you are learning to sing, travel, and got a tattoo just because you think it will impress women).

I have no idea what your financials are like but you mentioned something about trying to get a new job. If you are struggling to pay bills then I would suggest you focus ALL of your attention on getting a better job and temporarily put your dating life on hold until you get that handled. Priorities bro. Also, stop doing gimmicky things just because you think chicks will dig it. It will make you come across as try hard and make you look bad. I am all for self improvement and becoming a better version of yourself but it has to be for YOU not to try and impress women. And no you do not look good at 21% body fat sir that is unacceptable, put a little more oomppphh in ur workouts and diet and get that down to 15% sir.

Lastly, you did not mention how long its been since your 5 year relationship ended. You might still be in a bad headspace so try not to make any life altering decisions if you aren't in the right head space yet. You will be in a way better situation soon as long as you remain focused, patient and disciplined.

 

[Echoes]

Thanks for the response FunGuy! Honestly though, all these things were for myself. Always sang, and wanted to finally do it "acceptably" well so I'd be comfortable if others heard it and I'm a bit of a perfectionist anyways (had a flatness issue all my life). The travel was due to applying to every job in my field in two cities going nowhere (about 50), getting over the breakup, and just wanting to explore as I kind of spiraled inward toward the end of the relationship. It helped a lot with opening my mind and reigniting my spirit, which fed into wanting to sing well. The tattoo was something I thought to get pre-relationship and has a lot of personal meaning packed into it, plus I loved the design.

I was hyper-focused on getting a job for 2 months after graduating, went to Europe for a month, hyper-focused for 2 more months, then kind of blew out from waiting for a job to come through. I'm currently onto a final interview for a full role (tomorrow), and have a potential contracting gig sprouting, but sitting at 7 months of applying to every job in my field in 4 cities (probably 150 at this point), and EVERY response being "need more experience" it got old pausing dating for that. I also feel I've mostly recovered from the breakup, which also was 7 months ago.

I swear, it's mostly around my butt lol, but am aiming for 15%. I have a large amount of muscle mass as well, so that helps.