How to find out where you stand?

[JimmyB]

Hi all,
I've been with a girl on occasion for the past year or so. We're in different states. We've slept together maybe 10 times. She came and visited me for a weekend out of state. I don't know if she's been sleeping with anyone else. She said something like "I'm not the type of girlfriend who worries about that kind of stuff" after she commented on some girls flirting with me. So she was referring to herself as my girlfriend. But I'm not sure if she expects me to not be with other girls, or how she views the whole thing. Should I ask her about this? Or am I better off just letting things keep going until she directly brings it up. Or do you never even need to discuss these things if things are just going well?
Thanks

 

[Thedoctor]

Jimmy,

So she was referring to herself as my girlfriend. But I'm not sure if she expects me to not be with other girls, or how she views the whole thing. Should I ask her about this?

No

Or am I better off just letting things keep going until she directly brings it up.

Exactly

Or do you never even need to discuss these things if things are just going well?

It seems like you already realise this to some extent, but there's no need for you to bring anything up. If she's concerned with it, she will bring it up on her own. And especially since this is a long distance thing, there are zero obligations (implied or not) that applies to either if you.

-John

 

[JimmyB]

Thanks, Doc.
The reason I'm asking is firstly that I'm a bit confused with how I should proceed without knowing her stance. And also, I don't want to hurt her. What if she is presuming we are exclusive and I sleep with other girls and then asks me about it? I always like to be honest so I'd tell the truth, and it may catch her by surprise. So I suppose I'm concerned with it.
If you're saying I shouldn't be concerned with how a relationship is going, why is that? It seems counterintuitive to NOT want to further understand what's going on. Or with relationships does that weird people out? I'm not too used to a continuing relationship with a girl that I really like.

 

[Thedoctor]

Jimmy,

Thanks, Doc.
The reason I'm asking is firstly that I'm a bit confused with how I should proceed without knowing her stance. And also, I don't want to hurt her. What if she is presuming we are exclusive and I sleep with other girls and then asks me about it? I always like to be honest so I'd tell the truth, and it may catch her by surprise. So I suppose I'm concerned with it.

It's 2016. There's a ton of info, youtube vids, memes, blogs, tv shows, movies etc on this exact subject. Unless you're living under a rock, everyone realises that "being exclusive" is something that should be discussed, not implied or assumed. I've met a few people who only want to "see" one person at a time.They certainly exist, but they will make sure that it's discussed early on.

If you're still concerned about it, then make sure you're not giving her the impression that you are being exclusive. I typically don't outright state I'm seeing other people (unless the girl is more open-minded), but I make it pretty clear from the get-go the type of person I am. I have had the odd girl get upset when I refuse to be exclusive when she asks, but I have never had a girl get mad if/when she finds out I am not being exclusive.

If you're saying I shouldn't be concerned with how a relationship is going, why is that? It seems counterintuitive to NOT want to further understand what's going on. Or with relationships does that weird people out? I'm not too used to a continuing relationship with a girl that I really like.

In terms of progressing the relationship, the only real responsibility that falls on you is displaying that you do, in fact, have LTR qualities. Chase does a great job of expanding on the mating responsibilities here:

https://www.girlschase.com/content/what- ... ating-game

Basically, the onus is on the girl to progress the relationship. It's not to say that a guy cannot be the one to initiate this, such as asking the girl if she wants to be exclusive or if she wants to move in together. This can and does work, but it stems from a much weaker frame and you'll likely have more difficulties managing the relationship.

-John