How to frame when girl's are more successful?

[Fluxcapacitor]

Dudes! How do you frame and handle yourself with a very successful girl? I’ve been seeing this girl who has a very good career, makes a lot of money, achieved everything she’s wanted to achieve, has her dream job and while talking she mentions some of the interesting things that she’s been doing at work. I have framed it so far with I think it’s cute she’s trying to impress me and by not being impressed or intimidated by her. Playing really cool and unbothered has put me in a good position and possibly made her really curious about what it is I do. I have swerved questions and got it back to her pretty quickly or answer enough without revealing too much.

In comparison to her I have a shit career, don’t make great money, still chasing a dream and feel like my day job is very boring. Yet another reason I play down what I do and don’t reveal too much. Plus I’m not trying to impress anyone and I feel listing the stuff that I do would sound like I am trying to impress, “oh I’m a professional fighter, black belt in X Y and Z, working on this, working on that, I like to do this too and I’m also blah blah blah” no one cares! Why am I selling myself? Don’t tell, show!

I try to focus it on my fighting and keeping myself more in the lover territory by following my dream and passion. I feel like I am enough and I’m not out of my depth because she’s clearly interested in my lover traits over my provider traits but feel like I don’t measure up when I reveal a little bit more about myself. She possibly knows she is a lot more successful than I am. What’s the best way to handle a situation when the girl is a lot more successful than you? Thanks dudes!

 

[Witcher]

Hey Flux,

First reading you, I don't see you as not successful you have your own great accomplishment in the areas you focused on Aka "Martial Arts and Fighting" and since I'm a black belt too this "won me points" with many people who were "apparently" more successful, also when i mention that I speak french in some countries I also look 10x better to girls, so play on your strengths. I am saying this because I find myself many times with successful girls and in my experience as long as you are good conversationalist things will go well.

On the other hand, like you I sometimes worry about this stuff for this I remember 60 Year of challenge quote. "There is already a doctor a CEO and businessmen chasing her for the boyfriend role there is too much concurrence there even if you are top. So go for the her secret lover you will have way more chances

Now technically speaking Chase has a very good post about a small technique you can use in field here is it:

I did not recognize this for what it was until just now as I was critiquing Wes's field report (my original response is here), but there is a subtle neg used in deep diving when women mention something they do in an obvious attempt to impress. This is not something I learned consciously... I probably picked it up from film years ago (pay attention, and you'll see everyone from Sean Connery to Matt Damon do this to women in movies).

Most socially skilled guys pick this up at some point or another without thinking about it, come to think of it - I'm pretty sure I've seen it in some of the lay reports from guys on this board, too (NJ and Zphix, I'm looking at you cats).

It goes like this:

• 
  Woman: [something impressive she does]
  
  Man: You don't say? So you're kind of a modern day [very famous example of what she does]?
  
  Woman: [laughs] Well... not THAT well known! But I AM pretty good!

What's happening here? You're forcing her to take herself down a notch... and showing very clearly that you aren't awestruck, floored, or amazed by her credentials.

An example:

• 
  Woman: I'm a singer.
  
  Man: No way! Britney Spears level, or still working your way up?
  
  Woman: [laughs] Well, I'm not quite there yet... but someday!
  
  Man: Good. I hope you don't go shaving your head or hooking up with your bodyguard or anything though.
  
  Woman: Only if my bodyguard is really sexy.
  
  Man: Well, you'll have to let me know if you're hiring. Good pay and benefits, right?
  
  Woman: The best.
  
  Man: I'm sold. So how long have you been singing, and how'd you get into it?

Then, instead of her feeling like she gets to throw status around, she is now working to impress you - and as you continue the deep dive, you only screen more. This first move though, actually, is a subtle neg - you're complimenting her, but in a way that makes her realize she is not quite as amazing as she thought she was when saying this.

Note: as with negs, don't overuse this if you don't want a girl to start feeling unimpressive and ultimately auto-reject. Once or twice when she's acting a little over-pleased with herself is best - and you must be very sincere and flirty when you say this (you're not saying it in a mean or condescending way... it's a neg, but it's also flirtation - the goal is to get her qualifying, while enjoying herself and feeling good that she's finally with a guy who isn't wrapped around her pinkie finger).

Chase

That were my 2 cents

 

[BigPapa]

I went through something similar when I was seeing a medic , no matter what I was saying it was not good enough , because well medics think they are special , think they are super smart , they do good things,and make good money . Mind you , I have a good career , have a really good salary , have investments , so I am quite a successful young guy , and most women have a really good impression about me in this regards . The issue that I face most of the time that women tend to put me in the boyfriend box instantly , but not this girl who was a medic . She thought that I am quite pathetic and arrogant haha

I guess is not a good idea to compare yourself in this regards with her and never think too much about it . Just play on your strengths

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Witcher dude! Thanks for the reply and your kind words, I know I have some achievements but I still feel like they stack up short in comparison, but you are right with the 60 Year of Challenge, and the mysterious secret lover has been working great in this set up. Thanks for the article link dude! I read it and amazingly I have noticed this is something that I do and have done to this specific girl in question. There's a lot of teasing and being playful while not being overly impressed with her. I kinda treat her like she's a young girl letting her talk nonsense and playing along with it.

I haven't played to my strengths yet of bringing up any of my achievements, she knows I'm a semi professional fighter but doesn't know what disciplines I train in, how I am ranked in them or anything else that I like to do really. I just get her talking about herself.

@BigPapa dude! I relate to this a lot, I usually get put into the boyfriend box but I usually attract girls a bit younger than me that haven't achieved much and so I'm a lot more successful in comparison. The girls that are usually more successful than me I seem to do ONS and occasionally keep them around as a FB if they're fun. This one has became a little too routine and don't know how much longer I can avoid revealing to much about me haha

Thanks dudes!

 

[DarkKnight]

I think you pretty much answered your own answers bro, you got to focus on the lover qualities. Also when she talks about her own achievements, does it sound as if she is qualifying herself? When girls are impressed by you, they try to up their value ofcourse.. so maybe there is not much of a problem here, value wise.

I wouldn't worry here unless you want a serious relationship (then these factors start to matter) . Don't make an issue out of something she doesn't make an issue off.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@DarkKnight dude! She's definitely qualifying herself and I even tease her on that "I think it's cute you're trying to impress me" which ironically a bit later makes her try again. I reward the things that I like and she does that even more again in a bid to qualify herself.

I'll keep focusing on the lover qualities thanks dude!

 

[DarkKnight]

Yeah man and if she is qualifying herself, watch your attainability. She is already interested. I would focus on escalation instead of attraction at this point.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@DarkKnight dude! Escalation is there, have bedded her 3 times and every time we meet we're having sex. I think I converted her after the second time. I think she's trying to position me into a relationship she's tried to have the talk 3 times. I don't know how its been avoided :') she asks but not directly and somehow I get her talking about something else. She's invited me round hers later this week ironically with plausible deniability. I'll escalate but think the talk will come with it!

 

[DarkKnight]

See her less in order not to let her get other ideas, but in your case it seems to be too late haha!

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

I've seen her 3 times in 4 weeks, I didn't think that would be too much :')
She must want to go back to the future

 

[Fuck This]

You offer her an escape from her everyday drudgery. Excitement. Places she has never been, adventure, new experiences, a new social circle, new physical challenges.

Early on it is compelling stories. Then you invite her on something out of her comfort zone. For me it is a trip into the wilderness where i am at ease and she is experiencing it for the first time. Just like you don't engage an opponent at his strength in a match but find the weaknesses and engage there.

Find a physical activity to do with her and mentor (but don't mansplain). You are stronger and more experienced. Show leadership and encourage. Take her somewhere she doesn't know the language but you do. The right foreign language is a panty dropper. Don't underestimate the attraction created when you can ease someone's anxiety...The feeling of relief can often be parlayed into attraction. Hence the Damsel in Distress theme in so many romance novels.

 

[DarkKnight]

Fuck this, that was some great insight buddy

 

[Witcher]

@Witcher dude! Thanks for the reply and your kind words, I know I have some achievements but I still feel like they stack up short in comparison, but you are right with the 60 Year of Challenge, and the mysterious secret lover has been working great in this set up. Thanks for the article link dude! I read it and amazingly I have noticed this is something that I do and have done to this specific girl in question. There's a lot of teasing and being playful while not being overly impressed with her. I kinda treat her like she's a young girl letting her talk nonsense and playing along with it.

I haven't played to my strengths yet of bringing up any of my achievements, she knows I'm a semi professional fighter but doesn't know what disciplines I train in, how I am ranked in them or anything else that I like to do really. I just get her talking about herself.

@BigPapa dude! I relate to this a lot, I usually get put into the boyfriend box but I usually attract girls a bit younger than me that haven't achieved much and so I'm a lot more successful in comparison. The girls that are usually more successful than me I seem to do ONS and occasionally keep them around as a FB if they're fun. This one has became a little too routine and don't know how much longer I can avoid revealing to much about me haha

Thanks dudes!

You're welcome@Fluxcapacitor! Like you I also feel that sometimes my achievements stack up short, however as I noticed as long as your fundamentals are okay it will not be a big problem.

However now for the more practical application. No real need to go in detail with your achievements, better to leave them wondering(see Revealing and Concealing from Swinggcat) and many times people would assume that you are bigger than you actually are. However, you can use that directly inside stories, for example how I got my black belt while having missed most of the preparation because of my exams at that time. Sometimes if you put in in a good story format (see Grounding by Mystery or Hero journey structure) a lesser achievement of yours can be way more impressive because of the process you went through.

Another tricky thing maybe when the girl uses that as a shit test. For my experience, it's better with all shit test to not address it but to tease her back. For example, last year I did an internship in Asia and I was in my late twenties. I did it more for being able to visit the country for the long term than for any other reason(third world people visa problems). My manager who was my age and who was very flirty with me throw me unexpectedly at a coworkers dinner, "we are the same sage but you look younger but the good thing is that you are still free to take any direction you want" she was basically implying "You looser old intern". However, my response was something like "You know, the Mediterraneans are forever young " my initial desire was to tell her "You are saying this because you are getting older and this freaks you", I decided to stay nice that day.

Fuck this also gave a great way to see that.

That was my second two cents!

 

[Skills]

There is no need to frame since we are exchanging sex for sex we are lovers....

So this does not concern you, and no need to address it.... "look at you" "you pimping" when she talks about her career is the extend of your addressing this....

 

[Michal]

I agree on Lover traits as you and others mentioned
Don't make it a competition
Own your own level of success, each one of us has a different definition for it
Match the ambition level, that is more important than having a tangible success, in my opinion. Girls can be with guys, just because they see potential in them.
Provide good dick (lover trait but it should be its own category)
They will use the success sometimes to see how your ego handles it and to test you so stick to your guns.
Lastly, what I noticed is that if girls are in it for the long run with you... if they are trully beautiful, they don't really care about your looks. Because they never worked for those that much. Those 7 that can make themselves look like 10s on the other hand... So it comes down to values. And whether you share those with her. I would argue it is similar with success. While success has to be built and requires effort compared to just having naturally good looks, I would say for most of us it is as natural as that. If you are employed, you have a skill worth being paid for. And with a lot of employable skills, you do not need to do much to maintain those skills. Hence matching her ambition level. Think about it as if someone has a giant mantion with 28 rooms, 4 kitchens, 9 bedrooms and a pool, while you have 1+1, 36 squared meters (or potentially renting). The idea is, you have somewhere to live and that is what counts.