How to get a healthy view of abundance mentality?

[lingua]

This morning, I sat next to a pretty cute girl and pushed myself to do as many things as I could remember from GC articles on picking girls from class. I got a good vibe from her, she started brushing up against me between lectures while in conversation and I could find lots of common ground so that we could relate to each other.

However, as the class was dismissed, I was screaming to myself "Just go and fail! I don't want you to be scared about failing, I'd rather that you just get rejected than to not say anything to her at all for closure." This got me a bit more motivated but at the end we just walked down the hallway and I stood there like a little bitch, waiting for a natural way to ask her if she's free now (read: if she initiates another topic/asks me what I'm doing now) and to get some coffee. I need to hammer this down to my neurons, after a good opening and conversation, towards the end I stop myself from being more dominant (I guess my subconscious is preventing me from being too dominant, however even if I were to act in a way that would feel "uncomfortably dominant" to myself, an experienced guy would probably observe me as only somewhat dominant and commanding).

So she looked back at me, smiled and said bye, while I smiled back at her (I could have told her to wait and exchange numbers/etc. at this moment a thousand things come to my mind that are better than smiling like a fool). This is familiar, to that night where two cute and tipsy girls were waiting for me and my wingman to take them home while I stood there when I was supposed to close. So the girls -most probably surprised at me turning out to be a bitch after being confident approaching them and making great conversation- just said "well, I guess I'll see you guys somewhere on campus" then left.

After today's failure, I was completely furious at myself for doing so many things right but not going all the way and repeating this mistake. Am I not supposed to be this reactionary [due to abundance mentality]?

I guess in my mind this is a bit of a conundrum, if I embrace abundance mentality, I can say to myself "there are literally thousands of girls that I can open" and not care about failing to close or doing anything other wrongly. Thinking in terms of simple economics, if I were to believe that supply is virtually infinite (to my estimates, there are more than 13,000 girls around my age in this city, not counting the thousands that come here in the weekends, more than humanly needed to take a different one home each night) then the individual value of each girl would drop immensely. As the rest of the male population at school is either, in a monogamous relationship, single + looking for relationship + has zero interest/knowledge in game(I'm sure there are a couple people with game, but they seem to be very under the radar), or voluntarily celibate. Wouldn't this eventually warrant a person to exert very little effort (both perceived and proper) because the lack of worth of each individual girl? I want to correct and fine tune my process and this gut wrenching feeling (and the self-criticism that came after considering the situation calmly) that I got from the past mistake(described above as the two tipsy girls) should have prevented me from doing this morning's mistake, and honestly I'm not sure how to handle this situation right now.

Appreciate you reading this.

 

[Smith]

I learned this from a TED video. Research showed that every time people have will power failure (in your case, failure to exchange contact info), the group of people that was told they could forgive themselves performed better the next time round, while the group of people that beat themselves up for their failure did worst.

The point is to realize that will power failure is just part of the learning process. it happens to all of us. Forgive yourself, so you can move forward.

- Smith

 

[Drck]

Take it easy, IMO you are just overreacting for no reason. As with anything else you simply need some experience, otherwise you will be too anxious about everything. You did great, nobody says that you can't see that girl again, in the class or any other place.

Divide your interactions into steps, for example:

Step 1: Talk to her, get good vibes
Step 2: Get her number, call and setup a date
Step 3: Go for a date, get good vibes, touch, get physical
Step 4: Invite home
Step 5: Suggest/Try for sex
Step 6: Have sex
Step 7: Be always ready for rejection, never get down on yourself

This is your road map, simple plan that prepares your mind for different actions. Meeting a new girl and having sex with her is one huge jump. Most guys can't jump such distance, but everyone can overcome the distance with easy steps.

Also, a good idea is to make some rules for yourself. For example:
* Never get stuck on one Step (between 1-5). Some guys just need to get phone number 5000 before they advance to another Step, they keep mastering approaches in stead of advancing to another steps. Other guys are just practicing vibing with the girls, they need to vibe 1000 before they step further. I think it is just silly, all you need is one phone number and one good vibe to move forward.

* Always push yourself one step further, as long as you remain comfortable. Say you are on Step 3, you are on a good date. You may not have the guts to invite her home yet, but just try to push yourself further: "It would be great if we could see a movie, I was just thinking seeing again XYZ that I have at home". Then just be quiet, see how she reacts, what she says. You can always talk yourself out of it at this time, but it will be much easier for you to do the same next time.

* Never see yourself as a failure, that is a negative view. Rather see yourself that you are always making a progress no matter what, no matter how many times you mess up or get rejected (positive view).

* Don't say: "I am such a failure, such a little bitch". Say: "Things just didn't work out this time and that is fine, I am perfectly ok with that. I'm ready for Next!". Erase the word "Failure" from your vocabulary. It doesn't exist, all there is is "Progress forward".

* Don't say: "I need to hammer this down and dominance is uncomfortable", it is too negative, you are putting yourself down, you are making yourself uncomfortable. Say: "Experience takes time and work, I'm just eager to get more and more experience with girls every single day" Say: "I don't miss any opportunity to get experience with girls". Say: "As I gain more experience with girls, I am naturally becoming more and more dominant", and "being dominant around girls is just natural, easy and comfortable". Those are more positive attitudes. Learn those attitudes, learn to be more positive.

* Don't say: "There is 13000 girls and none of them have any value". Say: "I am looking for great girl that will appreciate my value, and if it is not going to workout with her there is lots of other great girls". You don't want to focus on thousands of girls, that is too much. You want to focus on one individual girl at one time, while knowing that there are lots of other girls. This way, the girl that you are focusing on has much higher value than the other 12999 that are out there.

* Don't say: "I have to remember everything I learned from GC". That is too much, you will flood your mind with thousands of things that should be done, and another thousands of things you messed up or missed. You won't be able to focus on that girl because your mind is full of "seduction". You will be vibing with that girl but your mind will be thinking what else to do to vibe even more. That is just nonsense. Read and learn about seduction when you are home alone. Once you go out forget everything that you know. Know nothing when you go out. Keep your mind free - while focusing on that girl.
Say: "All I have to do is to remember simple Steps. Step 1 done - Move on! Step 2 done - Move on! Step 3 done - Move on! Step 4: Move on to my place! and so on. This way all you need to remember is only several simple steps, and you can always easily check which Step you are currently on. Your mind is not stupid, it already knows what to do to move on to another step...

 

[lingua]

@Smith

You're right, I have to forgive myself in order to improve and move forward. I've watched another Ted talk about regret and that helped as well. I appreciate it man.

@Drck

I do need to fix how I see things, thanks for the detailed explanations and examples. I will now look at my experiences as progress and consider them positively. And not flood my mind in my interactions and keep to my process and its basic steps. I'm looking forward to sharing more positive and helpful reports with you guys.

 

[SlyGuy]

Take it easy, IMO you are just overreacting for no reason. As with anything else you simply need some experience, otherwise you will be too anxious about everything. You did great, nobody says that you can't see that girl again, in the class or any other place.

Divide your interactions into steps, for example:

Step 1: Talk to her, get good vibes
Step 2: Get her number, call and setup a date
Step 3: Go for a date, get good vibes, touch, get physical
Step 4: Invite home
Step 5: Suggest/Try for sex
Step 6: Have sex
Step 7: Be always ready for rejection, never get down on yourself

This is your road map, simple plan that prepares your mind for different actions. Meeting a new girl and having sex with her is one huge jump. Most guys can't jump such distance, but everyone can overcome the distance with easy steps.

Also, a good idea is to make some rules for yourself. For example:
* Never get stuck on one Step (between 1-5). Some guys just need to get phone number 5000 before they advance to another Step, they keep mastering approaches in stead of advancing to another steps. Other guys are just practicing vibing with the girls, they need to vibe 1000 before they step further. I think it is just silly, all you need is one phone number and one good vibe to move forward.

* Always push yourself one step further, as long as you remain comfortable. Say you are on Step 3, you are on a good date. You may not have the guts to invite her home yet, but just try to push yourself further: "It would be great if we could see a movie, I was just thinking seeing again XYZ that I have at home". Then just be quiet, see how she reacts, what she says. You can always talk yourself out of it at this time, but it will be much easier for you to do the same next time.

* Never see yourself as a failure, that is a negative view. Rather see yourself that you are always making a progress no matter what, no matter how many times you mess up or get rejected (positive view).

* Don't say: "I am such a failure, such a little bitch". Say: "Things just didn't work out this time and that is fine, I am perfectly ok with that. I'm ready for Next!". Erase the word "Failure" from your vocabulary. It doesn't exist, all there is is "Progress forward".

* Don't say: "I need to hammer this down and dominance is uncomfortable", it is too negative, you are putting yourself down, you are making yourself uncomfortable. Say: "Experience takes time and work, I'm just eager to get more and more experience with girls every single day" Say: "I don't miss any opportunity to get experience with girls". Say: "As I gain more experience with girls, I am naturally becoming more and more dominant", and "being dominant around girls is just natural, easy and comfortable". Those are more positive attitudes. Learn those attitudes, learn to be more positive.

* Don't say: "There is 13000 girls and none of them have any value". Say: "I am looking for great girl that will appreciate my value, and if it is not going to workout with her there is lots of other great girls". You don't want to focus on thousands of girls, that is too much. You want to focus on one individual girl at one time, while knowing that there are lots of other girls. This way, the girl that you are focusing on has much higher value than the other 12999 that are out there.

* Don't say: "I have to remember everything I learned from GC". That is too much, you will flood your mind with thousands of things that should be done, and another thousands of things you messed up or missed. You won't be able to focus on that girl because your mind is full of "seduction". You will be vibing with that girl but your mind will be thinking what else to do to vibe even more. That is just nonsense. Read and learn about seduction when you are home alone. Once you go out forget everything that you know. Know nothing when you go out. Keep your mind free - while focusing on that girl.
Say: "All I have to do is to remember simple Steps. Step 1 done - Move on! Step 2 done - Move on! Step 3 done - Move on! Step 4: Move on to my place! and so on. This way all you need to remember is only several simple steps, and you can always easily check which Step you are currently on. Your mind is not stupid, it already knows what to do to move on to another step...

Great insight, thanks for the post!