how to get better at push-pull ...

[lao che]

this is a big problem for me .. i read somewhere recently that it would be better to practice pushing a girl away rather than pulling toward you (emotionally) and i read somewhere else that if you can only do one then always pulling will get you better results than always pushing but ultimately there needs to be both. anyway, why push-pull works makes total sense to me on a logical level but it's definitely a huge sticking point for me. i give too much of myself away, and am definitely 'too easy' despite being a pretty good looking, very in shape guy. i'm very direct, and i'm sure i come across as non-needy but i most of the time just put it right out there! like, yeah, come on over baby!! just pulling rather than push pull.

some examples of push-pull i have used successfully would be- "you're way too young!" said at the same time as pulling a girl physically close to me, also i might say something like "you seem cool but too bad you have dogs and i have cats .." blah blah blah this kind of stuff. but most of the time i kind of forget i should be doing it and just invite girls over who i hardly even know. even if they like me they are probably never gonna come over under those circumstances. i guess i'm supposed to find something 'unique' about a girl before going ahead with the overt covert suggestions of making the beast with two backs ....my compliments are usually, sincere, and along the lines of- you have a sexy voice and, you are easy to talk to/vibe with

 

[diegoC]

I'm really starting to diverge from these all techniques people teach on PUA. Yes, it's good to know the theory, but the most important thing you have to improve is your conversation skills and to become a natural. I thinks it's easier for me to say becuase I have always know I had that innate ability that I just didn't developed. Being able to keep up a conversation with a girl is the most important thing you need to improve. If you can't talk to a girl long enough and they usually leave is your first sticking point you have to address.

At first I would recommend to practice just being able to have a conversation with a girl so she doesn't leave. Then you can start adding pieces to the puzzle. Of course, if you have already hooked a girl you should try stuff, you have to. There is no sense to just talk.

I think a general rule of thumbs is to use Pull-Push at the beginning of the interaction ("I love your eyes… at the same time I feel like you are trying to steal my soul. Stop!", just made that up to give an example) because she hasn't invested enough in you. When she does, then you can try Push-Pull.

Most of the Pull-Push/Push-Pull technique should be natural. You should not think so much about it. Don't think about lines. The best technique to Push-Pull is to respond accordingly to the conversation you are both having.

I'll give you a scenario that I'm pretty sure you've had with some guy or girl you weren't interested before. Let's imagine you talk to a guy near you. So he starts talking and talking and talking about snails... you get really bored. He is investing a lot, you are just listening and want to leave. What would be your normal reaction? I'm sure you will start drifting away your attention. This is pushing… you are breaking rapport.

This is exactly what you should do with girls. When you improve your conversation skills, girls will start to contribute to the interaction and you will have moments that they start talking a lot about something it actually bores you (you should let her talk as much as you can). This is a perfect moment to break rapport, let her notice you are getting kind of bored. Is doing what girls do on us. It's what you do when you are bored and you aren't attracted to the other person.

Don't think so much about the perfect line to push a girl. Just being honest and let a hot girl know she is boring you is the perfect push you can do.


Cheers!

 

[lao che]

thanks for your reply

i was pretty drunk when i wrote the first post so probably didn't make myself clear

in fact i wasn't really asking for help with PUA 'lines' or 'techniques' but rather with how to be and well, we gotta call it something so push-pull it is. the breaking rapport example you gave is welcomed.

i'm not a terrible conversationalist by any means but as i said in the original post i tend to give to much away too early, or be quite direct. i view this as grabbing the bull by the horns, taking the lead and going after what i want but in fact i'm not getting anywhere lately!

 

[diegoC]

… i tend to give to much away too early, or be quite direct. i view this as grabbing the bull by the horns, taking the lead and going after what i want but in fact i'm not getting anywhere lately!

This is not bad but depends on the girl. There are girls that want you to escalate quickly. Some girls just need enough attraction (not even connection needed) to go have sex with you.

This is experience, sure, and I don't even think I'm quite there. But I know that you should not delay kino a lot. Start doing it early, if you like to kino, so it doesn't feel weird later. To help on this just use gestures when talking, it will seem natural to touch her on certain moments.

I know of guys that don't even kino that much. I really believed this is possible (I've seen it). It's just a matter of building enough attraction and connection with the girl. She wants you.

Cheers!

 

[Flames]

One thing to remember with push/pull is it's not just about what you say, that's probably the least effective part of it. A lot of it is about body language, you can do things like physically turn away, turn back, smile, say "I hate you", smile again. (A bit feminine but it works). Something like that is a really powerful way to communicate, and it's something girls do a lot of, and most people I'd say don't even notice the many levels of communication, right there. You've got proxemics, vocal tone, content and also actual BL just in that one 20second example.

A lot of it is in the timing, knowing when to let go and pull back can be really awesome when you get it right, and when someone gets it's right with you. It's a magical thing when someone gives you just amount of space, then pulls you back before you go spinning off, it works the same for both people involved.

One crevat though is that you have to be very calibrated, you'll find it works amazingly well with some and bombs out completely with others. This is probably because it creates a very strong emotional reaction and with it very strong bonds. It's a very powerful tool, and the old adage applies "With great power comes great responsibility".

Hope that helps.