How to get over a girl if you can't get with other girls

[Adventman]

Hey guys and gals, first time post on the forum so apologies if this is in the wrong place.

First let me just say, this site has changed my life. In 7 months I've gone from mr.supplicating-sweet-nice guy with depression and a victim complex, to a guy with confidence, motivation and charisma who regularly gets complimented on his looks (which is still really surreal).

Anyway, my situation is a bit unique and I hope you guys can help me out some. I'm 22, and all my life I've had a condition called Phimosis, which bascially makes it impossible for me to do anything sexual without causing myself great physical pain. The one time I "just went for it" the girl thought it was her fault nothing "went off" and got really self conscious about it despite my assurances.

Last year I started university and met a girl who I instantly became infatuated with. We were both going through some really tough personal stuff and helped each other cope. We got really close and she continually tried to get me to go back with her after nights out, and I desperately wanted to. We got on like a house on fire, she had all the little notes and gifts I'd made her pinned around her mirror and it should have been an open and shut boyfriend/girlfriend situation. So far, so depressingly familar.

Before Christmas she made it clear she wanted me to make a move, but I didn't and that was the final straw. She found herself a boyfriend and I decided to bow out of her life until I'd gotten over her. Skip to the present day and we've just finished the academic year. I've had surgery to fix my phimosis, from which I still have a month or so till I'm fully recovered enough to get physical. I thought I was over this girl but I ended up sitting behind her during a cinema trip to see The Great Gatsby, which is all about unrequited love. Then at the meal after the film she sat next to me in the booth. Love film+physcial closeness = not as over her as I thought. Thing is, we've both become different people in the 6 months we've been apart (me especially, having started walking, talking and acting in a far more attractive way). I wasn't trying to do anything but be friendly, but in my head I couldn't help but feel really passionately-charged. I still have trouble believing what I'm seeing, but the waitress who served us was flashing smiles at me all evening, and the girl on the other side of me had already told her friends that she liked me and she was trying to get my attention too. The girl I was interested in, though, left before the meal was over, I can only assume due to awkwardness.

Anyway, it's the summer break now and I'd really like to be able to stop thinking about her and just get on with some work. I've blocked her facebook feed and avoided messaging her, but the only advice I can find to getting over someone is to get with someone else. How can I get with someone else when I can't get physically intimate? Any thoughts on this entire situation would be appreciated.

Apologies if I rambled, it's quite a complex part of my life and having never had anything close to a relationship before I've no idea what the best course of action is.

I suppose, even if I end up stuck with thinking about her all summer, by the time I return for fresher's week I'll be good to go and will finally be able to use all these skills I've been aquiring.

Cheers in advance for any advice!

Adventman

 

[Light]

Hi Adventman,

Its unfortunate that things had to turn out this way for you. But I do have a few advises for you.

First of all, it is a misunderstanding that you have to get intimate with different girls in order to get over another girl.
The reason why you still have feelings for this girl is because you have placed her on a pedestal, and she is still there in your subconscious mind.
What you need to do is take her down, and treat her as an equal. Someone who will always have a space in your heart, but not too much of it that will make you "Obsessed" over her.

Now here is how our human mind works.
Whatever we "Focus" on, "Expands".
It is natural for men to keep thinking about women all the time, and in your case, when you think about women, she pops up.
When I had my heart broken (yes, I did.. once upon a time), what brought me back up was when I found a different "Goal" in life.
I found something else to "Focus" my mind on. That was entrepeneurship and freedom.

For a period of time I was totally focused on building my wealth ( I still am), and I no longer focused on girls or relationship.
Time passed, and what I surprisingly found was that I have achieved many qualities which was very attractive to women, while I was on my journey to financial freedom.

Long story short, in summary, what you need to do is find something else to focus on. It may be a passion you have, a hobbie, or a goal like I did.
Find new friends, do new things, and focus on new things. Eventually you'll get over this girl in no time, and even create an Abundance Mindset.

Good Luck

 

[Adventman]

Hey light,

Thanks for the reply! Really appreciated. It's not too bad as I do have things to focus on, it's just that I wish there was a way to speed the pedestal-removing process.

Logically I look at her and see she's pretty but prettier girls have started conversations with me in bars. I see that we get on, but no better or worse than I do with anyone else. I see that she's got both negative and positive traits. But for some reason my gut just won't stop urging me to try and make something happen. Actually learning the techniques from this site was my distraction until I started feeling like I was secretly just doing it to get her attention.

The gap between my view of her in "reality" and the importance my instinct places on her is pretty huge. I can see the truth, I just wish I could feel the truth.

I'm starting a few new projects now I'm on summer break though, so thank you for your suggestions, I hope they work!