How To Get This Shy Girl Back?

[foggy]

This past tuesday I was on a coffee date with a girl who was very shy around me. Took her about 45 minutes for her nervous behaviour to start diminishing - at this point she started opening up her facial, vocal and hand expressions. Shortly after I took her hand in mine and pretended to be a palm writer instead of a palm writer. A few minutes afterwards, she displayed a look of discomfort on her face while looking out the window. I suggested we go for a walk, to which she agreed.

We walked down the street to a dog park [she loves dogs] but there were no dogs there. I asked her if she wanted to keep chilling - my intent was to get into a yes ladder and get some buy in from her to come chill at my place. Earlier in the date I had told her I had a painting of a dog. This was my excuse to get her to come back to my place. After I asked her if she wanted to keep chilling, she said she had to go do some homework. I brought out a hard push, because 99.9% of the time I never see a girl again after the first date if we haven’t fucked. The hard push did not go so well - I did not address the underlying emotions correctly, and instead kept trying to provide plausible deniability for chilling at my house.

At the end of the hard push, she started being whiny and grumpy with me. She was in auto-rejection. I let her go, but not without a hug.

I got home and realized I really wasn’t taking care of her emotions correctly. Although I didn’t present myself as much of a challenge, I did not qualify her nearly as much as I should have during the time I spent with her.

I messaged her 30 minutes after we parted ways using “The Turnaround Formula”:

Fog: hey, i realize i made you grumpy cuz you felt like i wasnt being very understanding when you said you had to get going. It wasn’t my intentions to make you feel that way! I wanted to keep spending time with you cuz you’re fun to be around, easy to talk to and so cute n silly. Are we cool?
Girl: yeah it's all good
Fog: so how was the ride home? you def avoided the horror of rush hour lol
Girl: it was good

I didn’t say anything after that.

It’s been two days since then. I think she’s really cute and submissive, and I wouldn’t mind seeing her again. How should I go about getting back into contact with her? Obviously I should present myself as easy to get ie being really warm and genuine, qualifying her etc but I want it to seem as natural as possible.

Part of me wants to say “I would love to see you again sometime soon” but part of me thinks thats asking for too much too soon, and just doesn’t fit with her emotions and how she views me right now.

Watcha guys think?

 

[Noir]

Are you sure she's shy and not disinterested/on-the-fence about you?

No offense but it sounds like you like her more than she likes you which diminishes your value in her eyes.

It also sounds like you had some hide-the-banana syndrome going on which girls easily detect miles away. Easily.

IMO there probably wont be a second date. Its much easier to pick up a new girl and start from scratch than pouring your energy into one who's throwing some resistance your way.

Also, word of advice, don't use the hard push on girls who act disinterested. It comes of as needy since your more invested and have more to lose in the interaction than she does.

 

[foggy]

Are you sure she's shy and not disinterested/on-the-fence about you?

I am 100% sure she was shy.

No offense but it sounds like you like her more than she likes you which diminishes your value in her eyes.

What makes you say this?

It also sounds like you had some hide-the-banana syndrome going on which girls easily detect miles away. Easily.

I was showing her some bananas

IMO there probably wont be a second date. Its much easier to pick up a new girl and start from scratch than pouring your energy into one who's throwing some resistance your way.

I definitely agree. If I turn it around though, it will be an interesting reference point. I haven't been in this sort of situation before. so I'm hoping to glean everything I can from it.

 

[Noir]

I don't usually revisit old threads, but maybe this'll help someone somewhere so I'll post here anyway.

What makes you say this?

I say this because girls who are interested in you will eventually break down their resistance barriers as you persist. Girls with resistance will still make hints and flirt low key, but will purposely make it hard to escalate, though will eventually sleep with you. The catch is knowing the difference between resistance and disinterest.

Let me put it this way, if she's not even paying attention to me, that's not exactly an invitation to chase. That's a sign of total disrespect and I would get up, tell her to have a nice rest of the day, and go about my day (politely of course, like you're an independent alpha male with more important things to do. Not like a butthurt millenial.)

IMO, forget her OP. Your hinging on the hope that "if" something happens, it would be an awesome scenario to live through, and that line of thinking will get you attached, which is bad bad bad for pick up. If you ever feel "what if" with a woman, as if a date or sex is outside of what you can achieve with her, you're being out gamed.