How to get very reserved girls to open up?

[TheWiseFool]

Hi guys,

I haven't been on in a while due to figuring out somethings regarding some personal things in my life.

My question is in regards to reserved girls. The kind of girl that doesn't share much. I've found that I like these girls quite a lot simply because I enjoy puzzles, particularly women that take some time to open up.

I already know she's into me, but I can't get her to open up like the girls my age, she is close to her 30s and I am closer to my early 20s. I know the easiest way to get her to open up is after sex, but due to being Christian and not being into the "Sex before marriage" deal, I was wondering if anyone knows some sort of alternative? Is asking a shy or reserved girl many personal questions to intense for her type? I already know she is into me because, whether she knows it or not, her body is telling me what's going on up in her head and down between her legs (it is pretty funny). If I am being too intense, how is there an article that teaches us how to build more comfort? I probably have to go really slow with this girl and at her pace... I just think my question may be for another forum since Chase's philosophy in regards to seduction is move as fast as possible with women and stick to a process.

As always, any help is appreciated.

Hope everyone is doing well,
TheWiseFool

 

[Thinkingenigma]

From someone who dates these kinds of girls a lot (though usually younger), just ask her what she's thinking. No, seriously! If the conversation dies down, just let it die for a sec, then look at her and say "What are you thinking?" in an inquisitive way. Deep dive, then wash, rinse, repeat. You would be shocked how well this works. This isn't going to get you laid necessarily, but once you've seen a girl a couple times, she'll almost always respond to this. Often, this will work after just a few min of rapport building, even the first time you meet. Don't be afraid to ask personal questions. The more they tell you, the more they become invested in you.

 

[fsc]

I second Thinkingenigma's response.

"What are you thinking about?" is awesome because you can use it multiple times. Another one I like is "What's something that I don't know about you?"

 

[TheWiseFool]

Thanks for the reply enigma and fsc (the same fsc, but new account?). I will try when I get the chance again. Hopefull I haven't scared her off

 

[fsc]

Yee, homie. I am me

 

[TheWiseFool]

Well, I don't know what it is, but I think I am lising/have already lost her. From the onset her body says one thing, but when I seek or work to understand who she is as a person, these barriers just keep coming that cause an obvious but unspoken divide... a lack of synchronization and more dissonance. If I push back, she tries to pull me in, but I messed up today because in retrospect, I realized that she was making assumptions about me rather than asking me questions about something, which resulted in an EVEN GREATER divide when I would correct her...

I just want to put everything on hold and say something along the lines of, "Hey, look. I am not a bad guy. I just want to get to know you. Hurting you is the last thing that is on my mind. I can't get to know you if you won't let me in." I feel like I am doing a bad job of communicating my intentions, or maybe I've made it clear and she hasn't been warmed up or isn't comfortable around me, or worst case scenario: she was never interested and was just being nice.

If I lose this girl I am fine... I am still seeking to understand where I went wrong... I probably should have helped her out more when she made her attempts at figuring me out... She did state that she thinks of me highly and cool, so the increasing period between messages indicates that I've set my attainability too high and she believes that she can't get anywhere with me.

If she perceives me as high value, then would I lose a lot of value or ve perceived as a sham if I send a message along the lines of "let's restart from the beginning"?

I do overthink things, but it is simply because I wish to seek to understand the entirety of the situation in order to be better prepared for situations in the future.

- TWF

 

[Thinkingenigma]

I just want to put everything on hold and say something along the lines of, "Hey, look. I am not a bad guy. I just want to get to know you. Hurting you is the last thing that is on my mind. I can't get to know you if you won't let me in."
- TWF

This is where you're messing up. That mindset causes you to give off an air of slight nervousness, which is the fastest way to creep a girl out. I used to have the same problem. Focus less on "I don't want to hurt you" and more on "Let's enjoy each other", that way, you give off a fun, positive vibe instead of a nervous, negative vibe.

 

[TheWiseFool]

Okay good thing I waited for a response because that would have been very bad. Overall I guess I gotta do a better job at establishing rapport, but I really think things are beyond saving at this point. I blame myself, but I am not to down about it. I'm gonna try a little more, but if things are going down the same road, then I am fine walking away since she will be leaving to go back to her country in a few days.

Thanks for giving me perspective enigma,
-TWF

 

[fsc]

From the onset her body says one thing, but when I seek or work to understand who she is as a person, these barriers just keep coming that cause an obvious but unspoken divide... a lack of synchronization and more dissonance. If I push back, she tries to pull me in, but I messed up today because in retrospect, I realized that she was making assumptions about me rather than asking me questions about something, which resulted in an EVEN GREATER divide when I would correct her...

Maybe she just isn't such a great conversationalist? I'm not sure exactly what you mean by "body says one thing" and "if I push back, she tries to pull me in", but what if she was simply waiting for you to move things forward? If you see something in her body language, I'd work with that rather than her words...or lack thereof.

I feel like I am doing a bad job of communicating my intentions, or maybe I've made it clear and she hasn't been warmed up or isn't comfortable around me, or worst case scenario: she was never interested and was just being nice.

See if you can get her out again. If she declines, then I guess she might have gone into auto-rejection or she wasn't interested. If she goes out with you again, then warm her up, then try to escalate. I think it's better to scratch her off after a failed escalation attempt than just giving up without trying. I'd take Thinkingenigma's advice and try to work with a playful yet sexy vibe. However, avoid abrupt change. You wanna appear as congruent/consistent as possible. So transition smoothly, and try to prime her for sexual shenanigans instead of making the interaction about personal details again.

This is where you're messing up. That mindset causes you to give off an air of slight nervousness, which is the fastest way to creep a girl out. I used to have the same problem. Focus less on "I don't want to hurt you" and more on "Let's enjoy each other", that way, you give off a fun, positive vibe instead of a nervous, negative vibe.

Agreed. I wish I had read this a week ago. I made a very similar mistake. =/

 

[fsc]

I just remembered this article

"And after eventually taking them to bed, the same thing happened every time. They turned into the most wild and sexual women I’ve been with to this day. Far and away. And I mean not even close. " - Colt, in that article