Special Girl How to get with the "bad girl" if you are not the "bad boy"?

[AA10X]

Ok, so I have a very unhealthy attraction to "bad girls" (the party-hard, heavy drinker/smoker, high body count archetype). And recently, I met a very cool girl at my work that fits the whole criteria.

Problem: I know, from workplace gossip, that she mostly dates "bad guys" and I don`t really fit the archtype. I am more of a laidback, nonchalant snarker kind of guy. So I am a bit out of the loop here.

Information that can be useful:

-She is VERY flirty when we are in group talks, but meeker during one-to-one conversations. She is also territorial, as she joins the talk every time I am talking with another girl. Nothing special here. She is flirty with every guy and some girls are just territorial.

-I am pretty sure that she is casually seeing another(s) guy(s), but I am willing to be persist, if I know the right ways to approach her. I never texted her. Not very good at online comunication. All of our interactions are in person.

-During a corporate party two weeks ago, we got crazy drunk together and I asked her out. She accepted and proposed next friday. During the week, I was in foul mood because of personal problems (sick dad, problems with documents) and I wasnt`t sure if she even remembered, so drunk she was, so I ignored the whole matter. She also did not said anything.

-On the said friday, she asked what I was going to do in the evening, but when I invited her to go out, she said she had a meeting with a girl friend. She said that I could go too, but she did not looked thrilled about the idea, nor I wanted to share her attention with the friend, so I refused. We agreed to go to bar have drinks some day but did not set up any specific date. Don`t really know if she was just saving face or sincere.

-For some crazy reason, people in the company seems to fancy make us a couple. Everybody asks if I am single when we are in the same place. In the most cringe episode ever, my boss took a photo of us and said that we look like a couple.

 

[theReason]

Use “they’re setting us up” to your advantage.

Workplace relationships are usually a no-go, but everybody, including your boss, is bringing it up. This gives you license to be as up-front with her as you want about your intentions to take her out on a date—provided you don’t do anything so stupid that she feels the need to involve HR.

Just because a girl is a “Bad Girl™” doesn’t necessarily mean she cares about "the bad-boy look."

If she perceives you, on the date, as "the man who takes charge and confidently leads her to the bedroom," she's yours.

If you want to become an archetypal bad-boy though, go ahead; that’s your choice.

I never texted her. Not very good at online comunication. All of our interactions are in person.

Yeah, that’s good. Texting a girl you have oneitis for is an easy way to fuck things up. May become necessary if you set multiple dates up with her, but until that point, understandable to avoid.

We agreed to go to bar have drinks some day but did not set up any specific date. Don`t really know if she was just saving face or sincere.

Just be enthusiastic with her about setting up a date and set one up. It’s your job to move things forward, not hers.

Move things forward in the right way at the right time to get what you want.

If you don’t have sex with her on the first three dates, or if she outrightly rejects your proposal to go out (e.g., "I'm not feeling it today" is just an objection/meaningless; "No! I'm not going out on a fucking date with you! I don't like you!" is a rejection), then you have to approach 100 "Bad Girls™" as your punishment. If she's open to another date, set up another date. If you have 20 dates and no sex, consider her a friend—there's nothing wrong with that.

On the other hand, if her perception of you becomes really negative and she treats you like a stalker or a creep for a long time, don't make a needy fool out of yourself by continuing to pursue her.

 

[Derek da man]

Just because a girl is a “Bad Girl™” doesn’t necessarily mean she cares about bad-boy/good-boy dichotomies.

Most girls that go for bad boys actually only go for one thing. The confidence a bad boy has is what attracts them. Usually they date them snd then can't be doing with the crap that a bad boy then gives.

If she perceives you, on the date, as "the man who takes charge and confidently leads her to the bedroom," she's yours.

Agree, and this is how you need to maintain attraction to get a date and then keep dating her.

You need to ask her for a date again and it has to be on your terms, not hers. If she says you can join her with her friend then decline as you want her company. Don't bend or compromise easily, remember why she likes the bad boy.

Use the fact that everyone says you'd be good together to your advantage. Also use the fact that she enjoyed your company previously and she agreed to a date previously so now you expect to collect on the date. She will like the confidence and agree, although she will give token resist, at least a bit initially.

Once you get her out be your best confident self, but don't go over board with it.

Also remember to maintain that leadership although you can be accommodating once she's dated a few times and you have her hooked.

 

[orkie123]

To reiterate what was said already, one of the main things girls consider if a guy is a bad boy is how quickly they lead them to sex. I also do not have the bad boy archetype but some girls I slept quickly with were thinking that I've slept with hundreds and hundreds of girls (If only). I then double down and keep playing the "I'm a good boy" with a cheeky smile.

The halo effect is in play here. If she mainly sleeps with bad boys on first date, and you sleep with her on a first date, then you get put in the 'bad boy' box that will take a lot of anti-bad boy references to get you out of.

 

[JasonH]

To reiterate what was said already, one of the main things girls consider if a guy is a bad boy is how quickly they lead them to sex. I also do not have the bad boy archetype but some girls I slept quickly with were thinking that I've slept with hundreds and hundreds of girls (If only). I then double down and keep playing the "I'm a good boy" with a cheeky smile.

The halo effect is in play here. If she mainly sleeps with bad boys on first date, and you sleep with her on a first date, then you get put in the 'bad boy' box that will take a lot of anti-bad boy references to get you out of.

‘Bad boy’ is synonymous with sexy guy. Bad boy = sexy guy = attractive guy - who she perceives as getting laid. That’s it. Basically, if she sees you as attractive, sees you preselected or knows a girl you have slept with, you’re a ‘bad boy’. No need for leather jackets, motorbikes or any or the other bs.

As long as you don’t break this perception and escalate steadily (as she expects) this perception is upheld. If she’s put you in the ‘I’m going to fuck him’ box but your behavior shows ‘BF material’ she quickly puts on the breaks.

 

[Bill]

She may not necessarily seek bad boys, but rather the excitement they give.