How To Handle The Need For Validation

[mist]

So yesterday I was in a class and our professor was speaking about their life.

They struggled a lot, but finally an achieved goal affirmed them.

The word affirmation gives me mental orgasms and feels like something I'd really like right now. Teevster's (Alek's) low momentum article is on the money with my state at the moment.

I know It's not in my best interest to seek to be captured in the mind of another. Especially since frame is everything.

Affirmed, approved of, validated. Just rings so nicely for me right now.

How have some of you dealt with this drive for approval? How did you use it?

 

[Vision]

IMO, the best way to handle it is to give yourself validation. If you fill your own cup up with validation, you'll feel like you need to get it from others less.

You can do this through visualization. Visualize yourself getting the validation that you want to get... think of a time when you received that validation in detail or visualize yourself receiving that validation that you want in the future, in detail.

I suggest doing this on a daily basis.

Tony Robbins has a great great priming exercise that you can do, every day, where you can visualize the validation you've received in the past again (moments you're grateful) or visualize the validation that you want to experience in the future (things you want to accomplish).

Here's a link to one of his priming videos if you want to get a taste of it...

The goal is to become internally validated and to get into a habit of internal validation.

You can fight your need for validation, I've tried that before. But it just makes you need validation a lot more.

The other side of the coin is to heal whatever is causing your need for being validated.

Get into the need for validation and figure out where it's stemming from.

Is it childhood issues where you felt like you were abandoned as a child and so now you seek other people's validation so that you feel loved and accepted?

Is it a mental model or mind virus that you picked up from someone?

Where does this need for validation come from?

Once you figure that out, you can work to let go of the root of the need for validation, reframe the meaning that you gave to the event, change your story about who you are and what your life is about and that can help it.

The other thing that you may need to do is break the habit of seeking validation from others.

The way that you do this is to become aware of validation seeking behaviors that you have and then replace those behaviors with behaviors that give you more of what you want in your life.

I hope that helps!

 

[Will_V]

So yesterday I was in a class and our professor was speaking about their life.

They struggled a lot, but finally an achieved goal affirmed them.

The word affirmation gives me mental orgasms and feels like something I'd really like right now. Teevster's (Alek's) low momentum article is on the money with my state at the moment.

I know It's not in my best interest to seek to be captured in the mind of another. Especially since frame is everything.

Affirmed, approved of, validated. Just rings so nicely for me right now.

How have some of you dealt with this drive for approval? How did you use it?

Everyone needs validation, it's just a question of from whom and in what form.

When we grow up, we need validation from our parents.

As we become teenagers, we realize our parents are just people, and we are just like them. So instead, we seek validation from 'the group'.

When we become adults, we realize that 'the group' is usually just a messy gaggle of dumb young people who can't even manage their own lives. So we become one of two kinds of people. Those who get validation from following social norms. And others, whose validation comes from following principles and beliefs.

It is a myth that some people or certain people 'don't need validation'. They have merely hidden the source from other people. Yet they are still bound to either a person, a society, or a set of beliefs and principles under whose gaze they walk, and from which they stray at the peril of their identity.

It takes a long time to build a good set of validating beliefs and principles. Such a thing isn't something that can be changed overnight, or subjugated to temporary whims and fancies without causing a lot of internal conflict. One must build the source of their validation carefully, surround it with people who support it, and tend to it carefully, lest one day they wake up and find that they don't know who they should be.

 

[mist]

The goal is to become internally validated and to get into a habit of internal validation.

You can fight your need for validation, I've tried that before. But it just makes you need validation a lot more.

The other side of the coin is to heal whatever is causing your need for being validated.

It takes a long time to build a good set of validating beliefs and principles. Such a thing isn't something that can be changed overnight, or subjugated to temporary whims and fancies without causing a lot of internal conflict. One must build the source of their validation carefully, surround it with people who support it, and tend to it carefully, lest one day they wake up and find that they don't know who they should be.

I really appreciate both of your responses

I'm in more games than the game of attaining women so these inner game nuggets are invaluable.

Peace