How to Handle Yourself in Group Settings

[persona]

Hey I've have a generic situation that seems to be cropping up more often for me so I thought I'd get some advice for it.

How do you guys handle yourselves in big groups of people? Like situations such as:

Going to a university club ice-breaker event
Going out to eat with a bunch of classmates in a small class
Having a small group conversation with a 4-5 people
and etc.

I find it hard to deep dive with girls especially in these cases especially if she's in a group conversation with a few other people already. Breaking her away from the group to talk to her seems difficult and often makes it awkward for the girl and directing the conversation just towards her ends up with it seeming like I'm trying too hard to befriend her. Even if I can get a conversation started between us, the fact that there are 1-3 other people around us listening in makes her feel reluctant to share her feelings and so I have trouble using the deep dive as well (this problem gets compounded if the other people in the group are guys also vying for her attention).

Anyone have experience or advice in dealing with these types of situations? I know this is a loaded question but any insight into this would be awesome

 

[Smith]

I find it hard to deep dive with girls especially in these cases especially if she's in a group conversation with a few other people already. Breaking her away from the group to talk to her seems difficult and often makes it awkward for the girl and directing the conversation just towards her ends up with it seeming like I'm trying too hard to befriend her. Even if I can get a conversation started between us, the fact that there are 1-3 other people around us listening in makes her feel reluctant to share her feelings and so I have trouble using the deep dive as well (this problem gets compounded if the other people in the group are guys also vying for her attention).

Anyone have experience or advice in dealing with these types of situations? I know this is a loaded question but any insight into this would be awesome

Don't deep dive her when other people are in the conversation too. You won't form strong connection this way, and obviously the girl won't feel comfortable sharing her emotion. People put on a mask when they socialize. Have fun and get her number to set up a date later.

Bring the party to the group, instead of trying to find your way in. I used to encounter the same problem as you in a social situation, but now I stop worrying about the girl when it's a social situation. The girl shud be your secondary priority. Your primary priority is to have fun and socialize. Then it would be much easier to pull the girl away later and exchange number. She would've seen that you're not a social burden.

If this was a cold approach on the street, it would be similar, but different. You chat up the 'leader' of the group , but since you can't stay to have a long conversation, you want to shift and focus the conversation on the girl you want, then exchange number or take her out on an insta-date. If you try to be social and talk to everyone in the group, the girls will get confused and think you're just a player waiting for one of them to bite. It would be better to have a wing-man in this case, but you can still pull it off though. Just takes practice.

- Smith

 

[persona]

Thanks Smith! I was thinking along the same lines, that it might be better to wait until a better opportunity arises instead of trying to force it to happen.

A follow-up question then with regards to just having fun and socializing part, what do you do in the event where the conversation seems to be dominated by one or two members of the group (IE a very opinionated male or female), and it becomes difficult to get your word or opinion in on the subject that the group is talking about? Also, I find that especially in a group of friends its difficult to get a girl alone since she almost always seems surrounded by friends (guys or girls) and seems more comfortable just talking with them?

Thanks again

 

[Smith]

what do you do in the event where the conversation seems to be dominated by one or two members of the group (IE a very opinionated male or female), and it becomes difficult to get your word or opinion in on the subject that the group is talking about?

So u mean it's hard for u to jump in when the dominant ones in the group are talking?
For me, I would only interrupt when it's something I strongly disagree with. Otherwise, I would let the other person keep talking and jump in when the timing is right. Look for natural pauses when the person is done talking or waiting for a response.

Also, I find that especially in a group of friends its difficult to get a girl alone since she almost always seems surrounded by friends (guys or girls) and seems more comfortable just talking with them?

Start from little compliance then start moving her. You could make up an excuse for you two to be alone. If your vibe is right, even some silly excuse will work. like "hey I'm thirsty! let's go get some water"
Or just move her a few meters away from the group and get her number, ask her out later.

 

[persona]

That's sort of what I meant but I had a particular situation in mind. Actually it happened today so i'll use it as an example:

I was attending an icebreaker event on a new campus. When I got there the organizers of the icebreaker were running some kind of event game and from what I could observe a few people lost and were sitting 'out'. I knew a few people going to the event but they hadn't gotten there yet so I thought I'd try getting to know some fresh faces. I spotted a group (in this case 3 girls that came together) having a light conversation, I came over introduced myself and tried getting to know them by asking generic introductory questions like If "they were members of the club", "what programs they were in", or "if they just met or if they were acquainted with each other". But each time it felt like they only gave me the bare minimum response to the question. Afterwards they started their conversation but judging from how they were sitting (bodies facing to each other but away from me), it felt as though I wasn't part of the conversation so I decided to move onto another group since I felt like I wouldn't be able to get any meaningful conversation in.


I felt as though I was super confident and that my body posture conveyed that information, but they just didn't seem to be responding to my queries. I know there may be a fair amount of information omitted, but I'm a bit stumped what I could have done differently.