Sub-Zero-
Down to five (5) requirements, in my experience (I have several friends who've gone this route... or tried to):
- She must be financially independent and/or highly accomplished in her career
- She must be independently minded / tough / confident
- She must view you as extremely high value
- She must also view you as a terrible provider/husband candidate
- You must get her to want children with you more than you want them with her
If any of these is missing, you'll get a girl either strongly pressing you for matrimony, or just declining to have children with you on these terms.
If she isn't financially independent, the thought of potentially raising a child on her own and having to decide between raising the child or working, and not being able to hire help, and not having time to find a man she WILL marry, is downright cripplingly scary. So if you're thinking of doing this with a girl who doesn't already have plenty of coin in the bank and career gold built up, well... even if she doesn't realize it before she's pregnant, as soon as she's faced with the reality of having a child without the resources to support it, her tune's going to change.
If she isn't tough-minded, she'll have a hard time dealing with social and familial pressure to not have a child out of wedlock, especially if she isn't able to blame the father as a deadbeat runaway and instead has to defend this as a decision both entered into equally.
If she doesn't view you as extremely high value - more or less out-of-her-league in some way, compared to what she usually gets, OR (if she's extremely high value as a mate, or views herself as such) you're just about one of the only equivalent-value mate she's ever had and she doesn't think she can replace you, there's not really much of an incentive for her to enter into a less-secure position to have your child when she could find another guy just like you who's willing to negotiate giving her more (marriage, money, support, involvement) for her same contribution (child bearing/rearing).
If she views you as an acceptable husband/provider candidate, she won't agree to children sans marriage because she'll want to negotiate for marriage + kids if she thinks she can get it, or will auto-reject if she feels like she wants you in that role but you deem her not good enough for it. Even if she initially agrees to children, once she's pregnant and pressures and worries kick in, if you are a good potential provider she will change her tune. Only way around this is to be the kind of guy she looks at and says, "Ugh, I would NEVER want this guy as my husband!" while at the same time, "Hmm, he sure would give me some great babies."
Finally, if she can tell you want kids with her, and it's more than she's revealed, that puts all the chips in her corner of the table and you basically have no leverage in the negotiation now. Now it's become "Okay, so you want me to bear and raise your children... now what's in it for ME?" Even if she wants children with you, she can feign disinterest and say, "I don't care if I have children or not; what I want is a partner," or "Sure, I want kids, but my kids will be raised inside a marriage."
So, the difficulty here is you've really got to be the penultimate bad boy lover, who's super sexy and high value yet also a guy she automatically looks at and says, "I'd never in a million years introduce this guy to my friends or family." And you've got to seed the idea of having your babies without angling for it too aggressively. Like you might tell her when you're shagging her raw and she's close to climax, something like, "You totally want me to cum inside you and put a baby in you, don't you?" and then pull out and shoot on her back or front instead and DON'T cum in her. Tease her with it, but don't give it to her... and then when she starts to ask you for it, you can start saying things like, "I really want to, and I think we'd make awesome babies together, and I'd totally support you and our child, but pretty much every girl wants marriage and you know, that's the one thing I can't do."
You're typically going to want to go for women who are hitting an age where their peers are getting married and having babies, and they're psychologically wanting and getting ready for this. If you go for women who are too young for this yet it doesn't work. What this age is depends on region, background, and demographics; the more educated she is, the later it is; the wealthier she is, the later it is, typically.
I'll end the post here, without any discussion on outcomes / etc. Radeng, BigDaddySc, and Ray have discussed this here, and I don't know what kind of relationship you're trying to set up with women (e.g., you could be asking, "I want to live with her and raise our children together but I just DON'T want to get married" or you could be asking, "I want to knock her up, give her a few suggestions for names, send her a few hundred bucks a month, and otherwise never see her again"... I don't know what your intentions are towards the girl
in question and any children you'd father with them, so won't start listing scenarios and implications).
But yeah... tricky! However, not impossible.
Works better with older women who are less in search of that fairy tale ending than their younger, more idealistic counterparts are, and with women who view you as pretty high value yet totally not qualified to be a husband. Better with women whose careers / businesses are their lives (because they care comparatively little for marriage) and not so well with girls whose careers aren't that great and are basically biding their time until they meet Mr. Right. Obviously, it gets harder to hook Mr. Right in when you come equipped with the spawn of Mr. Wrong, and these girls know this very well.
Chase
