How to not obsess over her if not having other options

[Spyce D]

As simple as it sounds .

... I am not able to bring new women in life and say if you only have one woman in life .... It can fuck up your mentality.

Currently , I am in this situation only . I am being a slave to her emotions , responses .

My mind only thinks about her and that sucks .

A few things are happening :-

I am getting a bit bored out of her but due to me not able to meet new
Women , don't want to risk losing her ... Hence being a bit needy from inside .

I don't want to be alone . It seems like a life / death situation even though I know it's not .



I want to be free from obsessing over a girl ... Even if that means becoming alone .

Mind you , she is good but the problem is me obsessing over her , hence making me over invest emotionally in her , being / acting a bit needy inside ( I never showed her my neediness )

I want to be free from this toxicity .

I want to be with her without all these attachment issues , neediness , fear of loneliness .


Is there a way to achieve it .

I want to concentrate on other things in life and not just this one girl .

Maybe , it's oneities .

I want to be secure in myself and my abilities .

And not just depend on other people for my emotional state .

I want to become emotionally mature in my life .

 

[topcat]

As simple as it sounds .

... I am not able to bring new women in life and say if you only have one woman in life .... It can fuck up your mentality.

Currently , I am in this situation only . I am being a slave to her emotions , responses .

My mind only thinks about her and that sucks .

A few things are happening :-

I am getting a bit bored out of her but due to me not able to meet new
Women , don't want to risk losing her ... Hence being a bit needy from inside .

I don't want to be alone . It seems like a life / death situation even though I know it's not .



I want to be free from obsessing over a girl ... Even if that means becoming alone .

Mind you , she is good but the problem is me obsessing over her , hence making me over invest emotionally in her , being / acting a bit needy inside ( I never showed her my neediness )

I want to be free from this toxicity .

I want to be with her without all these attachment issues , neediness , fear of loneliness .


Is there a way to achieve it .

I want to concentrate on other things in life and not just this one girl .

Maybe , it's oneities .

I want to be secure in myself and my abilities .

And not just depend on other people for my emotional state .

I want to become emotionally mature in my life .

Meh it happens. As long as you don’t “act” needy then it doesn’t really matter. During lockdown i had one chick but still made it seem like i had a few.

How? I just acted like i did.

I made sure to see her no more than once a week. Every now and again I would cancel on her or go radio silent. I’d make sure to text her far less than she texted me and when i did reach out it would be a ping first to gauge her investment, and then i would move forward or not based on her response. I would focus on my hobbies.

This distance allowed me to feel like had more than one girl or at least that she wasn’t a priority. It had the added bonus of creating neediness in her and meant that i could get away with being super attentive and affectionate in her presence without it being stifling, as she was needy for it, influencing her to chase more in my absence.

Another exercise i practise periodically is cutting off my entire rotation. Whittling it down to one or none and sitting with the needy feelings that arise. Ultimately this has toughened me to where one or none, i’m fine with or without. Believe it or not going without pussy won’t kill you, and can even be it’s own pleasant relief.

You’re only needy if you act needy

TC

 

[Zoro]

Let’s do a thought experiment.

Let’s say your emotional attachment to this one girl comes from the human drive to make something (a new human).

And what’s funny is that is the easiest form of creation a man can make according to this thought experiment. It can happen on accident: one nut bust in a fertile woman

Let’s say though that there were other ways to create. What if this drive to mate is only the default starting zone of creation?

What if creation itself is a force within you? Can you tap into that? Can you make love to an idea and become obsessed with creating something with your hands or mind?

Can you channel your attention towards your raw desire and inspiration and bring forth whatever lies within that?

When I see men who are driven in this way, they usually do not think about women much and also have women in their life.

But the thing they obsess over is their creation.

 

[DarkKnight]

Meet more girls and dont make a girl special until she commits to you. So don't think too much about one specific girl until she proves to be worthy of thinking about.

 

[Spyce D]

Another exercise i practise periodically is cutting off my entire rotation

You mean cutting them off permanently or temporarily

 

[topcat]

You mean cutting them off permanently or temporarily

Permanently. Like get rid of your rotation. It’s extreme, but kills the neediness if you go through with it and don’t panic. End of the day you show your emotions that lack of pussy/female attention won’t kill you.

Went through a stint of practicing this at the beginning of the year. I do it now intermittently as i don’t like having a big rotation or feeling the pressure to service multiple girls a week. I have other priorities.

Ultimate it’s helped my game a lot as i know deep down i’m as good with pussy as i am without. Neediness (at least for pussy and any individual chicks attention) extinguished.

YMMV

 

[Spyce D]

Meh it happens. As long as you don’t “act” needy then it doesn’t really matter. During lockdown i had one chick but still made it seem like i had a few.

How? I just acted like i did.

I made sure to see her no more than once a week. Every now and again I would cancel on her or go radio silent. I’d make sure to text her far less than she texted me and when i did reach out it would be a ping first to gauge her investment, and then i would move forward or not based on her response. I would focus on my hobbies.

This distance allowed me to feel like had more than one girl or at least that she wasn’t a priority. It had the added bonus of creating neediness in her and meant that i could get away with being super attentive and affectionate in her presence without it being stifling, as she was needy for it, influencing her to chase more in my absence.

Another exercise i practise periodically is cutting off my entire rotation. Whittling it down to one or none and sitting with the needy feelings that arise. Ultimately this has toughened me to where one or none, i’m fine with or without. Believe it or not going without pussy won’t kill you, and can even be it’s own pleasant relief.

You’re only needy if you act needy

TC

Yup it's that I don't make myself the priority .

Need to show that I got options without explicitly saying it .

Need to make feely needy for my attention too .

 

[Spyce D]

Let’s do a thought experiment.

Let’s say your emotional attachment to this one girl comes from the human drive to make something (a new human).

And what’s funny is that is the easiest form of creation a man can make according to this thought experiment. It can happen on accident: one nut bust in a fertile woman

Let’s say though that there were other ways to create. What if this drive to mate is only the default starting zone of creation?

What if creation itself is a force within you? Can you tap into that? Can you make love to an idea and become obsessed with creating something with your hands or mind?

Can you channel your attention towards your raw desire and inspiration and bring forth whatever lies within that?

When I see men who are driven in this way, they usually do not think about women much and also have women in their life.

But the thing they obsess over is their creation.

I think I get you .

You mean sexual transmutation , right ?

I do have stuff that I feel passionate about but my mind was filled with cheap pleasure ( not talking about women here ) ..

Need to re ignite that passion .

You are right , i remember when I was obsessed with a thing ... I got really good at it and I did get some female warm approaches back in school .

At that time , I was too shy .

 

[HoofHearted]

The central premise is just not true, my friend.

You can pursue and succeed with other women while having oneitis. In fact, that's when you need them most!

I think what we're dealing with here is actually just oneitis with fluff on top.

No one is immune to oneitis. This will be your hand to play over and over again, but less and less and you get better at it.

The answer is of course to meet more women, but beyond that, to realize that it is a creative process. Oneitis takes time and change, it's never off/on, but rather more like a hole you dig yourself out of. IMO it's really about changing a situation/perspective, and sometimes the things that work are not obvious (exercise, taking care of yourself, new activities/projects/hobbies, etc). You built yourself a world that has a woman at its center... the way out is to build another world that doesn't, and this takes time and change and different decisions.

 

[Spyce D]

Meet more girls and dont make a girl special until she commits to you. So don't think too much about one specific girl until she proves to be worthy of thinking about.

I am meeting women but feeling lazy / lack of hunger in trying to get results with them .

You are right , I shouldn't waste my thoughts on a girl who I am only obsessed over cuz I had no other better options .

She is cool and all but she isn't worth to lose my sleep .

 

[Spyce D]

The central premise is just not true, my friend.

You can pursue and succeed with other women while having oneitis. In fact, that's when you need them most!

I think what we're dealing with here is actually just oneitis with fluff on top.

No one is immune to oneitis. This will be your hand to play over and over again, but less and less and you get better at it.

The answer is of course to meet more women, but beyond that, to realize that it is a creative process. Oneitis takes time and change, it's never off/on, but rather more like a hole you dig yourself out of. IMO it's really about changing a situation/perspective, and sometimes the things that work are not obvious (exercise, taking care of yourself, new activities/projects/hobbies, etc). You built yourself a world that has a woman at its center... the way out is to build another world that doesn't, and this takes time and change and different decisions.

I do agree ..
I have gotten a bit of women craze

I only think about them .

Even before I had met this girl ... I would think about women a lot .

So , I will simply build another world with women as a fun part ... Rather than as a centre point .

One thing I will say is that approaching, dating , being with women has actually helped me a lot in my life . But .... Its better to not make it the only goal of my life .

 

[HoofHearted]

One thing I will say is that approaching, dating , being with women has actually helped me a lot in my life . But .... Its better to not make it the only goal of my life .

Oh yes. To some extent, what women desire and respond to, and how they do it, are evolutionary forces themselves. Have been around for as long as humans have, have shaped humans.

In this way, the ways these interactions with women shape us or changes us as we move toward success, makes us better humans. Women can be the test and the barometer it seems.

 

[Zoro]

I think I get you .

You mean sexual transmutation , right ?

I do have stuff that I feel passionate about but my mind was filled with cheap pleasure ( not talking about women here ) ..

Need to re ignite that passion .

You are right , i remember when I was obsessed with a thing ... I got really good at it and I did get some female warm approaches back in school .

At that time , I was too shy .

Yes and no. Sexual transmutation is a practice to enhance what I’m talking about.

But what I’m referring to is having meaning to your life, deep meaning, through what I think is probably life’s greatest fulfillment: creation.

And I’ll second the other good stuff that the other posters are saying.

You can feel like shit and still win. Don’t focus on the problem, make a plan for what you want and get it my brother. Be hungry, be horny, be alive.

 

[Bill]

Meet your own emotional needs and process the feelings of neediness and craving.

 

[Spyce D]

One more issue ..I have is obsessing if she has blocked me or not ??

I will do whatever I have to to find inner peace whether I have one or none .

 

[HoofHearted]

Isn't this just the same issue?

Your feelings are wrapped up in a terrible place. That's all this is.

No woman can give you what you seem to be looking for. There is no manner of possessing her or being with her that will satiate the dream you're holding because the dream itself is the problem.

I suggest you exercise, maybe set a fitness goal, read some books, improve yourself, take up a new hobby or re-commit to an old one. If it is a time to meet girls, and it probably is, go meet girls. Don't watch TV. Don't be on your phone too much, go back to reality and work on it.

Life is good in real ways if you pay attention and do the mundane shit. Give it a week, the medicine needs time to work. But you'll wake up like wtf why is my day so good?

 

[Kaida]

Another exercise i practise periodically is cutting off my entire rotation. Whittling it down to one or none and sitting with the needy feelings that arise. Ultimately this has toughened me to where one or none, i’m fine with or without. Believe it or not going without pussy won’t kill you, and can even be it’s own pleasant relief.

Damn thats a different level of strength. I’ve been wanting to do something similar but my #1 worry is that I may lose my momentum / get rusty and have to rebuild my skills.

Are these worthy concerns?

 

[topcat]

Damn thats a different level of strength. I’ve been wanting to do something similar but my #1 worry is that I may lose my momentum / get rusty and have to rebuild my skills.

Are these worthy concerns?

Yeah that’s been a worry of mine too, but every time I’ve done it, i’ve returned to the game as good or even better than i left it. I find it gives you the space to properly anbsorb the game you’ve been applying in the field.

I’d say it depends. If you’re not happy with where you are game-wise and feel you need the experience, then cutting out game entirely, probably won’t help. If you’re working on rotation building, it’s counterproductive for obvious reasons. Just doing ONS for a bit might save you from accumulating rust and allow you to train game at the same time whilst killing the oneitis bug, just don’t retain any one chick while ur at it.

I just see oneitis and fear of being without pussy as a big weakness, a hindrance to good composure in field, and hurts your ability to walk away from any chick you’re in a relationship with, so i kill it by creating the situation my emotions fear.

If you don’t see it as such a great weakness, there’s no need.

 

[Spyce D]

I just see oneitis and fear of being without pussy as a big weakness, a hindrance to good composure in field, and hurts your ability to walk away from any chick you’re in a relationship with, so i kill it by creating the situation my emotions fear.

That's really tough thing to do , tbh .

One thing , I have realised for quite some time is that I am not busy aka I dont do any meaningful work in life and am actually ' living ' just for her .

And cuz when she doesn't reply / call back , my mind starts creating scenarios of her losing interest in me and bla bla bla .

It's like I need to realise that people are busy in life unlike me .

And it seems to me that I am a needy guy in general . With friends , family too .

And that's why I think that @Wick words are actually true . Today , I was obsessed about something that will happen in my career in future and I didn't think much about the girl .

I am learning a lot in game about life .

Won't stay unemployed bum for too long .

Meet your own emotional needs and process the feelings of neediness and craving.

Any idea on how to meet my emotional needs other than women ?

And I also have no idea on how to process the feelings of neediness and craving .


And it's like a pattern in my life since last year .

Met Girl A ..... Went on date .... Kissed ..... Still cared about her even after an year.


Met Girl B .... She friendzoned me ... Rejected my offers ..... I ruminated about her for 2-3 months after we moved to different cities .

Met Girl C .... Just friends from both sides .... After 2 months of friendship ...she told me not to contact her anymore without any reason .

Met Girl D ( the girl I am talking
About in this thread ) been roughly 2 months .... Feeling anxious that she might leave me cuz of my experience with girl C .


So , in my introspection what I really feel from inside is that I always start out great but I always have issues during closing , later stages of game and I do get needy with women .


I remember crying like a bitch last year in my room cuz how I lost girls in nightclub ...

Cuz of my needy behaviour , I have lost a few chicks , disappointed a few chicks in my life . They wanted to have fun but I was telling them about my life problems .


It feels that when a girl who I have known for
A bit while rejects / boots me out , she is rejecting me as a whole and not just my game .


Other thing is I had lost all my passion for other stuff too .

No MMA , No soccer , No studies , No job , No classes .... I just cared about pickup and the funny thing is that I am so obsessed over this girl that I even lost my passion for pickup .


I want to be a powerful man with passion and not just someone who keeps on caring about girls who reject him / leave him .

Maybe , the answer to my problem is to learn how to bring more women in life , stop taking accountability for things happening in other people's life , be the man with purpose .

But first , I need to learn how to handle my emotions .

Funny thing are a few great PUAS who also went through this phase .... And I will be a man with great career and also a great pua in the future .

---

One more thing I am curious about how come women don't think that much about in relationships , friendships whatever ? Or am i wrong in my assumption?

Maybe I can learn a thing or two from women .


Maybe I also need to go on a journey of emotional mastery .

Tbh the only thing I see in my life is discipline that will get me out of this rut .

 

[Spyce D]

One more thing , it's my mindset that is screwing me I guess .

Seeing women as someone who will heal me and not as sexy minx .

Another is that I always visualised about negatives things that would happen whether getting into relationship , being in a relationship , after breaking up . Lol .


Example :

Ohhh! She will rope me into a serious relationship .
Ohhh ! She will realise what a loser I am in a relationship . So keep her at a distance.
Ohhh! She is cheating on me that's why not attending my calls .
Ohhh! I will be alone if she leaves me .
ohhh ! My anxiety will come back if she leaves me .


These are the types of thoughts that I had during with this current girl .

But the good thing is due to making mistakes and getting experiences and help from this website , things are changing .