How to respond to this AMOG

[Kaida]

I’m learning more how to be an asshole, so I’ve been getting more in the habit of defending myself and demanding respect even if the disrespect is minor

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Context:
Football practice. We were starting a new drill that everybody but me knew, so I probably looked lost as fuck. All I knew was that I was Drakes* backup, so I started asking for Drake.

Me: (Looking pretty lost) Yo wheres Drake?

Friend 1: (Slightly turning to Friend 2) Is this ho retarded? *F2 doesn’t respond*

Me: (Louder and slightly annoyed)
Wheres Drake?

F2: He’s over there (Points)

Me: Thx
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Pretty minor. Couldn’t think of a good low effort response.

Both of these guys are decent guys I would like to get to know but I’m not respected by them. (Maybe because I just started football and am not good)

I feel like I should have demanded respect more from F1 because they shouldnt be comfortable saying shit like that to me


Whats a good low effort response you would do to this that would demand respect?

*fake name

 

[Terms]

You did the right thing here, you simply re-asserted the question and got what you needed without reacting.

There's a lot of good natured trash talk and hazing in sports. If you're new and acting basic, you might catch some burns from otherwise "decent guys." You'll get respect on the field by killing it at the game and executing your role without error, there's no other way, there's no verbal comeback that will make them respect you on the field, trying to win a verbal battle will only make you look more clueless. You have to understand you're the new grunt and you have to learn the ways of the team and work your way up to "respect on the field" by your performance on the field.

So good stuff, your instinct to re-assert the question and demand an answer was the strongest move here, IMO.

 

[Kaida]

You'll get respect on the field by killing it at the game and executing your role without error, there's no other way, there's no verbal comeback that will make them respect you on the field, trying to win a verbal battle will only make you look more clueless.

Ah, this is a very good note. I believe I tried a verbal comeback to something like this before but it didnt work so I cut them out.

You have to understand you're the new grunt and you have to learn the ways of the team and work your way up to "respect on the field" by your performance on the field.

Even though we were on the field, the way he said it made it feel more like an “off the field”moment because it wasn’t like we were in the middle of anything fast-moving - we were between drills.

It would be different if we were in the middle of a group drill and I fuck up. In that case yeah, I wouldn’t feel any type of way about it.

Plus, this seems to leak a lot to off-the-field situations as well. It’s almost like since I’m not rlly good at football they’re less inclined to respect me when we’re not playing football

So good stuff, your instinct to re-assert the question and demand an answer was the strongest move here, IMO.

Preciate it bro!

 

[Terms]

Even though we were on the field, the way he said it made it feel more like an “off the field”moment because it wasn’t like we were in the middle of anything fast-moving - we were between drills.

It would be different if we were in the middle of a group drill and I fuck up. In that case yeah, I wouldn’t feel any type of way about it.

Plus, this seems to leak a lot to off-the-field situations as well. It’s almost like since I’m not rlly good at football they’re less inclined to respect me when we’re not playing football

On the field is on the field, doesn't matter if its down time. You're fully immersed in the culture of the team during practice and games.

It can lead to off-the-field if you continue to hang with that group, yeah. You've joined a pre-existing hierarchy that guys have worked their whole lives to establish dominance in, and their identities are rooted in that. Its always something of a risk to do this, you're signing up to having to prove yourself within that established hierarchy.

The way to do this is primarily with your gameplay, and secondarily with your attitude. Work hard to get better every day, and brush off the hazing as a longstanding way for teammates to let each other know they're a bit sub-par at the moment, and you'll earn their respect over time. Trust, the guy that roasted you has been roasted 100 times by coaches and players over his football career. They'll respect you for not getting rattled by the trash talk and using it to improve yourself. The way you re-asserted yourself when they didn't answer your question is good stuff, you gained some respect there.

One huge catch or tackle or game winning block or something can flip everything in an instant, and could find yourself on everyone's shoulders celebrating you. So building the skills to do that is the fastest way to maximum respect on the field and within that social circle.

 

[Terms]

Hey man thinking further, off the field there’s some room for pushback. It’s just gotta be good, you can’t come off like a whiney bitch, for lack of a better phrasing. Most any time you join an existing tight knit group, which is most sports teams, there will be some hazing. It’s something like a shit test from a girl, you can’t let it get to you or throw you off, if you react in a way that feels weak they lose respect. Strength when you’re in a hazing situation would either be to let it roll off your shoulder like it’s nothing or push back in a well calibrated manner. So if you push back you’ll want it to be in a certain pocket of coolness and strength.

I’m not sure how to better describe it, hope this makes sense. Maybe some others can better describe it.

It shouldn’t last too long, it’s the start of the season. As you prove you’re there to help the team win and are a value to them, it’ll die off.

 

[Kaida]

One huge catch or tackle or game winning block or something can flip everything in an instant, and could find yourself on everyone's shoulders celebrating you. So building the skills to do that is the fastest way to maximum respect on the field and within that social circle.

I literally noticed this in action the other day - a dude who was marginally respected hit a crazy truck on the biggest nigga on defense. Now it’s like he’s one of the most dominant and respected person on the team. His behavior even changed a bunch

It can lead to off-the-field if you continue to hang with that group, yeah. You've joined a pre-existing hierarchy that guys have worked their whole lives to establish dominance in, and their identities are rooted in that. Its always something of a risk to do this, you're signing up to having to prove yourself within that established hierarchy.

Ah I see.

I feel like some have their identities tied to it more than others - even some of the guys that are really good at the game are cool with me.

Hey man thinking further, off the field there’s some room for pushback. It’s just gotta be good, you can’t come off like a whiney bitch, for lack of a better phrasing. Most any time you join an existing tight knit group, which is most sports teams, there will be some hazing.

Thanks hella for the extra feedback!

I understand what you mean - being unfazed

It’s something like a shit test from a girl, you can’t let it get to you or throw you off, if you react in a way that feels weak they lose respect. Strength when you’re in a hazing situation would either be to let it roll off your shoulder like it’s nothing or push back in a well calibrated manner. So if you push back you’ll want it to be in a certain pocket of coolness and strength.

I’m not sure how to better describe it, hope this makes sense. Maybe some others can better describe it.

Law of Least Effort basically. I understand.

I try to follow it best I can but it always comes off as low effort and low results instead of low effort high results. At best all the battles I’m in come off as “neutral” being up to viewer interpretation instead of me winning. I’m still working on it. Thanks for the reminder.

What would be the best way to react to this if it was in a normal social situation?

 

[Terms]

I literally noticed this in action the other day - a dude who was marginally respected hit a crazy truck on the biggest nigga on defense. Now it’s like he’s one of the most dominant and respected person on the team. His behavior even changed a bunch

Yeah that's an interesting thing about sports teams. Its not AT ALL about social posturing to project dominance. Its about ACTUAL dominance at the thing that helps everyone in the group get what they want: winning games.

Its a good place to observe how people's behavior change when they achieve actual dominance, and how other's behavior around them changes towards them. Those changes are how actual dominance and alpha status affect behavior, his behavior changes within that group will be very natural, its almost like watching a nature documentary on it, its a very true and natural look into hierarchy and behavior. He's not some slick guy with game who gamed the social circle, he earned dominance and it naturally changed his behavior to someone dominant and confident (within that circle at least). So its a good reference point in gaining some understanding of alpha/dominant behaviors (that can help you in PU, which is the opposite, its entirely about being a slick guy with game who games people and social circles.)

What would be the best way to react to this if it was in a normal social situation?

I'll let someone else answer this one. I've played a lot of sports including football, and coached sports, but others here can probably answer this better.

 

[Kaida]

Yeah that's an interesting thing about sports teams. Its not AT ALL about social posturing to project dominance. Its about ACTUAL dominance at the thing that helps everyone in the group get what they want: winning games.

Yeah I mostly agree, thats true for things like NBA teams where you guys only see each other for sports-related things.

One thing to keep in mind is that this is high school sports (sorry if that wasn’t clear). Theres a social hierarchy at work as well.

There are some people on the team that I KNOW wouldnt get the same reception if they got the same crazy truck. They might not move up at all in the hierarchy. People may even take credit away from him saying the big dude was off balance or something.

 

[Terms]

Yeah I mostly agree, thats true for things like NBA teams where you guys only see each other for sports-related things.

One thing to keep in mind is that this is high school sports (sorry if that wasn’t clear). Theres a social hierarchy at work as well.

There are some people on the team that I KNOW wouldnt get the same reception if they got the same crazy truck. They might not move up at all in the hierarchy. People may even take credit away from him saying the big dude was off balance or something.

Yeah I can see that, if the social value is low to begin with. It may take a number of big plays to win people over instead of one. Likewise, your guy can fall in favor if he isn't able to repeat, this could just be a wave and not something long lasting.

I've seen many dorks rise in status by a string of accomplishments though. I remember in my high school there was this one guy at the bottom of the hierarchy for years, a loner no one really paid attention to. Then some band he was in blew up and started opening for well known acts, and everything flipped, and it was like "wait, this guy actually has style, and swag, and kills it on guitar, and hangs with much cooler people than anyone in our class. He was just laying low that whole time." Suddenly he was so cool he was a bit intimidating. Its wild how quick things can change.