How to setup a casual relationship with an 18 year old

[4AllEternity]

I'm not that much older (only a few years) than the girl in question but I'd say I'm more mature and perhaps in a different "phase" of life so to speak, particularly with relationships.

Also, she actually approached me, a complete stranger, and struck up the initial conversation. It started just being friendly but she seemed pretty quickly attracted to me as I continued the conversation (I lead the conversation after she started but kept it mainly about her). We parted ways after only about 30 mins but I scored her number.

Again, this girl is definitely not meek as she did not at all hesitate to initiate and practically volunteered her number after I asked her how we could stay in touch. To clarify however, there was not any sexual tension, just a strong social connection and hints that she likes me.

So I am not at all unsure about how to escalate further as she is very enthusiastic, but there is one tricky catch: I want a casual relationship. Friends with benefits. 100% not looking for romance, particularly with the differences in where we are in life (she is a freshman, I am practically finished college and I have already been in the full-time workforce for a while). I would love to know her as a person too, I'm fine with intimacy but I know that it would be completely unfair to enter a committed relationship with this girl knowing it would likely not work out.

So where I need help first is setting the frame that this is not a traditional, romantic/"official" thing. I want to steer her away from assuming that I will be a potential boyfriend before she starts expecting that.

Second, I need some advice about how I can best directly approach this with her if/when it is time to clarify where things are going.

I would just be frank that I am not looking to date, but I feel like at her age and inexperience she'll shutdown (slut-shaming defense) even if she secretly wanted that. So I'm thinking there are more graceful ways to steer this into casual territory.

Any thoughts?

 

[Guest0291]

1. If you're attractive or valuable enough, that casual relationship is probably going to turn into her wanting something serious eventually anyways, regardless of how you strategize it.

2. There are multiple ways to hint at things just being casual, the key is clarity. If a girl had sex with a big name DJ for example, the guy's sheer character makes it clear it's not going to be a continuous thing. So coming across as a guy more suitable for a fling rather than a serious relationship is one way to provide clarity. Another way is just plain honesty and throwing it out there. Put gracefully, she'll either sync up with your goal or move on. However, no amount of "grace" is going to convince someone to do something they truly don't want to do. Not every girl buys into the whole "casual relationship" thing and if she's one of them you're going to have to move on. I also don't advise waiting to pull the "let's just have a casual relationship" thing after you've already had sex. Let her know somehow upfront.

3. If you're wanting more concrete advice at this point and the other points haven't painted a clear enough picture, just light heartedly steer things to saying something like "Yeah, I just want to have fun in my life right now. I'm not too into relationships at this point just because I know the responsibilities but don't feel like going that way right now. I want to experience what the world has to offer." Phrase it however you like, if she wants to fuck you she'll make it easy and won't be steered away from this.

For any other guys that read this advice, note that this hinges on the fact that the girl in question actually wants to fuck you, a likelihood that is strengthened by good looks, status, and/or money.

On a side note, I'd ignore articles on "anti-slut defense" and "last minute resistance." If it's clear you're interested in sex and a girl is also sexually interested in you, she won't "put up resistance" as the PUA articles claim. Most guys experience "LMR" or resistance as a whole with women because a) she's not sexually interested to begin with b) she's unsure of his intentions c) she's unsure about sex or sexually inexperienced.

So you can see why clarity is pretty important to avoid problems. And besides, those last two only really effect things if they're to pretty high degrees for her. I've had virgins basically request me to fuck them because they were attracted to me and wanted to remember sex with a hot guy on top of just getting the whole thing over with. A girl's sexual interest can easily overpower your failure to make your own sexual intentions clear or her inexperience with sex. However, it's true some girls will slot you in the "maybe" category over a "yes," but it's rare, and if you're just wanting to get laid, I'd advise moving on to find a girl that has you in the "yes" category. If you're attractive, it won't be a difficult search.