How to Socialize at Work?

[Troy]

Hey Bros,

I got a job at a call centre office job and today was the first training day. Last week Thursday was Orientation and there were 20 + other person's who enrolled. I got the opportunity to meet and get to know 3 girls and 2 guys throughout the day. And I grabbed one girls number, her name is Casia. Note : Since its work I only took her number because the company asked everyone to go downtown on Monday and additional documents so we agreed to go together. I'm not aiming to date Casia, most likely just a friend, she hot though lol... she is a 8. Anyways... I'll keep it just friendly.

Fast forward to today, first training day. Everyone congregated in the lobby room as we waited on the trainer to arrive. I sat at the front and the girls including Casia were behind me having a good conversation. I honestly avoided conversation with them because my lip got cut last week and it looks slightly gross and I didn't want to draw " bad " looks and attention to myself.

There are over 20 girls to around 6 guys.. lucky for me and the guys. I still have to remember it's work so I can't be overly flirty, I'm here to work.

Our trainer arrived after 9am and directed us upstairs to the training room. I was the first in and I took a seat at the front and had a short conversation with her. It was nice.

I left and went to the bathroom before everyone arrived and put some aloe Vera on my lip to soothe the remaining blister and not make it show so much.

When I returned to the training room, most persons were seated, I was the only person at the front lol felt weird, everyone else was going for the back seats. The trainer Pauli asked that the front be filed up and a cute brown girl came and sat to my left. " Hurray " and " Yikes ". I'd enjoy talking to her however a swollen lip just made me avoid talking to her and I seeked to minimize the time she would converse with me. I felt embarrassed.

By the way, is it OK to not feel embarrassed about a cut lip? I know it will soon heal but I don't want people behaving weird in the meantime. ( She wasn't being weirded out, maybe it's just me blowing it out of proportion?)

During the morning session we got to know more about each other, she helped me and I helped her.

Lunch Time

Here we go again, friends are beginning to be made, a few girls I could make friends with are walking alone and it's up to me to approach in a business manner and perhaps have lunch with them. I was hesitant though. Again my self consciousness about my lip. I decided to just go have lunch on my own.

Afternoon Session

The people took so long to serve me lunch that I returned 2 minutes late and I was put on the spot and so Pauli told me I'll have to " perform " for the class tomorrow. Oh well
I'm getting good at classroom stand up comedy so that won't be hard tomorrow. I'll be mindful of the jokes I make.

It was a fun afternoon session, the few times I spoke up, I asked key questions and shared a joke which got everyone wildly laughing so I ain't doing bad already. However in all things there must be moderation so I remained serious for the reminder of the none talking time. I don't want to become the work clown.

Training Ends

By now you might have realized I didn't mention talking to Casia the entire day. There is a girl who wears glasses that was talking to her most of the day. That glasses girl reminds me of another girl who had rejected me in high school and had caused a lot of girls to not talk to me.

And to be honest when I speak to this new coworker glasses girl, Sandy, she very much talks, walks , acts like the girl who rejected and caused havoc for me in high school and I don't want that happening again. Nope, no way not at work.

Outside the Work Building

The girls most of them have already bonded and it's starting to remind me of high school so I'm keeping my guards up for anything that could give me a bad reputation. Note nothing bad has happened yet but I have to be prepared for tomorrow and as long as I'll work here. I want to do a good job and get promoted to a higher level and to do that I know I'll have to invest more in myself to be better and get the likability from coworkers and managers.

There are a few girls I'd consider going out for lunch on a daily basis between work but only on a friendly basis. And there is 2 girls I like like. The girl who sat next to me today and another hottie that kept staring at me, she sat behind me.

So to rap up, my job on a daily basis is to answer calls, chat and email, which means there won't be much time to chit chat.

1) What are some guidelines you could give so I continue to give off a good vibe and build a good reputation?

2) How may I ask the girls to lunch in a business manner? I'm not looking to date all of them per se , that would be stupid . " don't shit where you eat "

3) How to win the approval of my managers and others in authority?

4) How to get to know other person's from other departments without being " forceful?

5) How to have a short conversation with those who pop in and out the elevator?

6) How to attract and perhaps date a coworker? Once more I'm not going to practice sets on people I work with.

Thanks guys! I want to mainly make friends with person's at work right now, do a good job, get the respect I deserve and improve

Troy

 

[Drck]

Little bit unconventional knowledge in no particular order

1. Chill out. Stop trying to impress people, stop seeking approval of others
2. If you want to move higher on company ladder, work harder. Do extra stuff, volunteer, tak extra shift
3. Make friends with leadership
4. Be somehow assertive with leadership, make sure they will note you - "hey I did this and that, that should be rewarded. Keep the pretty words to yourself, show me the $$$". We have to understand that companies are here to make money, and if the company has a good worker (you) they should recognize it. You contribute to company's success, company should contribute to your pocket. Good managers recognize it, unfortunately many managers are not good, so you have to sort of keep reminding them
5. Be positive, be optimistic. Don't complain, don't whine. Don't talk about people behind their back. Don't complain about other people to your boss, it is disgusting and immature
6. Don't move up the ladder by stepping on other people's back. Always respect others even if you don't like them
7. Team work is today very popular. Know what to do, make decisions on your own, but make sure that you involve others
8. Most people are working for paycheck only, if you are enthusiastic about extra work don't expect them to share the same enthusiasm. They will be slower than you, they will do less, but sometimes they can make the same money like you, even more. Well, don't be like most people, distinguish yourself
9. Should you move up the company ladder, try to avoid being the typical asshole who is giving orders and looking down on people. Again, know that most people don't share your enthusiasm to move up, some may not perceive you well if you become their leader
10. If you are up the company ladder, understand that many people do their things their own way. They know better what is working better for them, so try not to disrupt their way of thinking by trying to enforce your way. You'll piss them off and they will leave
11. Learn to distinguish people. For example, there are great talkers and chatters in company, they befriend everybody in no time, but at the same time they are not that productive. There are also hard working people who simply shut up, don't whine and do the work. Unfortunately the talkers are usually more popular as they produce lots of reactions, they talk about great things but never do them. At the same time, many don't care about the hard workers who produce lots of results, who never talk about great things but they do them. So recognize the true workers, point them out, make sure their work is appreciated. At the same time, don't underestimate the talkers. It's good to be a talker than not, and it's even better to talk about great things - and then do them...
12. Be or try to be outgoing but avoid being a clown, nobody will take you seriously. Don't force yourself to talk all the time, sometimes your simple presence will do more impression than little talk about nothing
13. Learn to be a leader. Leadership is about leading by example. Leadership is not about leading from behind. Learn to think on your own, make your own choices and decisions, and don't forget to involve team
14. If you are up the company ladder, appreciate others. Buy them coffee, order pizza here and there, give bonuses or so forth. People will appreciate it, they will see you as a good leader
15. Clothes are important. If you want to be respected professional or businessman, start with clothes. Clean and neat, good shoes, show self esteem, show that you care about yourself a lot...
16. Be a man, not a boy. Man is more independent, not so influenced by opinions of others, he walks his own way. He is not a follower of others, he makes his own way

I could add many more points but good enough. This will give you a good frame, you are shifting yourself to a position of a leader and girls will notice. In your frame, the girls should not be #1 on your list. Remember that, they don't want to be your #1. Tell stories if you know how. Make friends with some girls, remember, not every girl is there to date guys...

 

[Troy]

12. Be or try to be outgoing but avoid being a clown, nobody will take you seriously. Don't force yourself to talk all the time, sometimes your simple presence will do more impression than little talk about nothing
13. Learn to be a leader. Leadership is about leading by example. Leadership is not about leading from behind. Learn to think on your own, make your own choices and decisions, and don't forget to involve team

I've started reading more books on Leadership and I'll soon get John C Maxwell's book on Leadership and other books on influence.

Yeah don't be a clown, I understand, however what's a good indicator I'm being a clown? or I'm being too serious? I'm in a new environment and I feel like I'm back in high school, only a serious high school where I have to complete my assignments. Unlike high school where I frequently didn't have to do anything.

Scenario

Lunch time today I went out alone to buy food and then went to the lunch room back at work where everyone in my department was. And they all occupy the same table so I take a seat beside a guy, Jordan. I notice all the guys are silent and most of the girls are being very talkative, jokers. I not sure what to say I keep quiet, like the other guys, eat and leave. Jordan beside me was busy playing FIFA, however his constant looking up at me made me realize he was looking for conversation. He'd rather make a friend instead of play FIFA while surrounded by 7 girls. However I don't know much about his game so I didn't start any conversation.

My homework is to Google FIFA and build a conversation with him tomorrow at lunch. Good idea or not?

Also there was a girl sitting alone watching TV while having lunch. Pardon me if this sounds silly, but should I even go and talk to her? It's work and I don't want to be " the annoying guy ". Feels like I can't use a lot of my social skills I'd use outside of work.

I know the basics how to behave at work, come involve others, do my work, lead. However :

1) How would you approach and talk to a girl at work? Lunch time? A group of them are talking, how to join in?

2) Generally both guys and girls, is it the same way I should socialize with them as if I wasn't at work? or should I do something else? New environments make me question ethical behavior and the " right " way to socialize. This ain't seduction time. This is the time to focus on productivity and befriending coworkers during lunch time and after.

Ecemata, what exactly do you agree and disagree with?

Troy