How to Stop Inadvertently Cock Blocking Friends?

[Sandman]

Okay,

So I came across a situation yesterday. A friend of mine (salsa dancer from the solomun concert lr) invited me to an open salsa party. I went there had a chat with some people I knew. I noticed a girl checking me out. She was sitting on the grass with her two friends. All three girls were very attractive. I told my friend that I'm gonna go approach the girl. He told me to go ahead and he'd come later. He is a social guy but as with most naturals not really much of a "cold approacher" (I'm not very experinced in cold approach either but I'm getting there hopefully).

I went to the girl and asked them if I could partake in their sunflower seed (kind of a snack, very addictive lol). They quickly said yeah please go ahead. I was talking with the girl mostly and after 5 minutes salsa dancer comes and talks excitedly to my girl (he is in a much higher energy mood). My girl also talks to my friend. I threw a bored look and watched the dancers mostly. He's telling stories, the girls (mostly my girl as he was talking mostly to het) are asking questions. He took my girl to dance bachata and complimented her on her dancing (she is not a dancer so first time). I also danced with her before but I just had a few dancing lessons yet so did not know what I was doing. I talked with my girl when they were not talking and stuff like that. I waited until a high point (she was asking me questions about my job excitedly) and invited her to have a drink with me on friday (I wasn't super smooth though). She gave me yeah we could (so green light with a yellow tint). She put her number on my phone and I bid adieu.

I was annoyed. There I was opening 3 attractive girls. He could've come and talked with one of the other two who was as attractive as my girl lol. I do not think he did it because he wanted to cockblock me. He probably saw the girl talking to me and and figured hey this girl is friendly and social so I'll talk to her. So because of low social awareness. I had something similar happen to me
last year where a gay friend of mine hijacked a conversation with me and a woman who was interested in me and touching me heavily. Killed the momentum.

How do you deal with this type of situation? I feel like you can't tool the guy because he's your friend and it wouldn't seem cool. On the other hand there's social pressure on the girl to engage your friend as well.

Any input is appreciated!

 

[andersen09]

How do you deal with this type of situation? I feel like you can't tool the guy because he's your friend and it wouldn't seem cool. On the other hand there's social pressure on the girl to engage your friend as well.

Any input is appreciated!

[/quote]

It depends on how close the friendship is. If he's a close friend of mine, I'd just tell him.

I had an acquaintance who used to do this, where he'd disrespect my opinions and thoughts in front of the girl. I'd say X and he's say "No that's not true. So as naturally ingrained in my personality, it was gonna end up in two ways.

1. Either confront him
2. Teach him a lesson.

I decided to go with 2 because confronting wouldn't do much.

So I waited one day 'til he was talking to a girl he liked. And they started dancing together and brought her back to the table.

Long story short, I timed it, started getting the girl interested in me. Told her let's go dance (right in front of him), we started dancing. I pulled her out. And that's the end of the story.

When I came back home, I got a weak 'Good job man!' but it was already over. From that interaction I knew he'd never fuck with me again.

BUT I would never do that to anyone that was CLOSE to me.
If it's a genuine buddy of mine and he was being ignorant of it, I'd just pull him aside and talk to him.

 

[Sandman]

In that case he seems like he was intentionally trying to one-up you. So, what you did seems like a good response. But in this case I do not think he was intentionally trying one-up-me. He was just trying to be social and a have a good time.

I concur that talking frankly to him about it is a good option. But usually you can't do it in the situation (there's no law of least effort way to communicate to him discreetly that I can think of) so you have do to it afterwards. Both times this happened to me I talked to them afterwards and they made it sound like I was making it a bigger deal than it was. I backed my frame. It's a bit confrantational but I don't know any other way to deal with it. In fact, I think I might have been to soft and could have persisted until they agreed what they did was wrong.

My question is how to solve the situation in the moment?

Best solution I can think of is to move her. But requires super calibration and early investment to pull it off especially around friends and when she is having a good time sitting where she is.

Another solution would be just to have higher caliber friends with better social awareness. But it's not always easy to build a social circle like that especially like me you're not a really social circle guy but enjoy hanging out with people from different social circles.

Thanks a lot for your input much obliged...

 

[andersen09]

That's the thing. Whether it's a friend or not, their intentions aren't really important. Let me take an extreme example.

In my class and I'm generally nice and warm to people in general. And me I have pretty strong fundamentals and generally attractive.
With that being said, I remember I was talking to this cute girl and clearly trying to have a one on one conversation.
One of the guys in my class, who's very smart but little bit nerdy, came up to our conversation and butted in.
Hey Andersen! What's up man! Let me show you this thing. (Socially Awkward)

Now HERE, his intention was great. He wanted to show me something that happened to him and share with me.
BUT it was the wrong timing.

Another example, a basketball game. In a basketball game, noone gives a shit about how well your intentions are. It's only actions that gets the results, which leads to winning. Kobe doesn't care if your teammate had a "good intention" for why he took the last 3 second shot and missed, if he costed the whole team. Because his intentions don't mean shit when it comes to winning for the team, winning the game.

That's what needs to be understood intellectually, so that your 'friends' don't feel so comfortable coming into your set with 'good intentions'. Shit someone lets a guy slide just because he had 'good intentions, you better believe there are guys that'll come in with 'good intentions' and tell you 'Aw come on bro! You know I'm your friend'

Thats number 1, you are willing to ruffle up feathers for ANYONE that crosses your boundaries. It's a character trait that shows you're strong AND attractive to women.

Number 2 here's some techniques.

You always have to be aware of your surroundings. Whether it's your friend coming in, stranger, and whatever else. In this case because it's a friend, you have to do it in a 'socially acceptable way' to enforce your boundaries on this guy.

So what's a socially acceptable way of letting him know he's crossing your boundary?

It's just like when you treat a girl by 'teasing her' or 'flirting' with her.

You're letting them know he's starting to invade, but to the observers, it's still playful and fun. So it does it in a way where you're still adding value to the whole social interaction. (But the thing is, if it's a friend, sometimes he won't understand, and I AM going to call his ass out or take him to the side in a conflict to ruin the vibe, IF it comes down to it, and he's someone I'm going to be around consistently)

Aggressive.
1. Hey! What's going on guys!
Your response: MATCH his ENERGY and a bit HIGHER and take CONTROL.

You: Yo! What's up man, come join us! Let me introduce you to the girls.
(Underlying Frame: I'm helping you get into the group, and because I OPENED, I CHOOSE the girl, YOU'RE SECOND)

You: This is girl A, B, C. (Say girl A is who you want) Bro! Girl B needs someone to teach her some dancing. (Whatever reason to get them talking)
To Girl B: Hey! This guy's an instructor for salsa, why don't you let him teach you.

(You don't give him a chance to say no, and put the social pressure BACK ON HIM so that now he feels the pressure of "omg he's my friend and can't just say no")

 

[Sandman]

This is a really good answer! Thanks man