Calls & Texts How to text between 1st & 2nd dates

[Marty]

Unsure whether this should be in "Beginners" or "Phone Calls & Texting". Anyway.

Per my recent update to a FR, I had a date with a very special girl Friday evening. It didn't go too bad and after thinking it through and chatting with Mr. Rob, I've come to the conclusion that:

• (a) she's sick of guys who have no idea how to lead and found my directness refreshing
  (b) she reckons I tend to keep my options open with women, but she's actually okay with that, just so long as...
  (c) she can get me to realize that she's "not like" "all those other girls" I supposedly spend my time with.

That being said, after our date she sent me quite a sweet text about 90 minutes after we said goodbye, saying she had a great time. I replied a couple hours later, at 11 PM: "That makes two of us "

Now I don't know what to do.

On the one hand NarrowJ, Franco and Zphix have rightly pointed out recently that just lunging into a text message with "When are you free to meet next?" comes off kinda desperate and needy. So I'd better not do that. On the other hand, though, beating about the bush is not likely to get me anywhere either.

Should I just stay silent for a couple weeks or so and then ask her out again without further ado? Or is some "chat" necessary?

Thanks!

-Marty

 

[Marty]

Hey folks,

I know it's kinda off-color to bump a thread that hasn't had any replies, but I'm starting to worry that leaving the girl hanging for 5 days with no further contact, especially after she sent me such a sweet text following our date, might provoke auto-rejection.

Trouble is, I have no idea what to write. I guess my problem is that I "don't speak girl"—I mean, I can hardly send an Outlook calendar invitation, can I?

Should I:

• Just get straight to the point and ask her out again; or...
• Start conversation about something? Like, ask how was the rest of her weekend, or some such nonsense?

Thanks!
-Marty

 

[Richard]

Marty,

Depending on the degree of attraction/connecting built during the date you've got a couple options for texting between 1st and 2nd dates:
-Send a text asking about something she said she was supposed to be doing that week
-Date Compression
-Letting her chase you for more dates
-Cut all contact lol

Me: Yeah, I have a big project due this week for social psych and it's scheduled to eat up most of my time, how about you?
Her: This week's gonna be all over the place - I'm supposed to visit my aunt and uncle in Florida ---but I don't even like them, then road-tripping it up to D.C. to visit the Monument,etc...

This gives you hoards of material to use for texting throughout the week --- this is almost exactly what happened on a coffee date I went on last semester (5-6 months ago), and it makes it easy to loop a 2nd date around by mentioning things talked about on the 1st date.

Other times, when I wasn't vibing too well with a girl but I still had moments of "aha we click!" or "hmmm... this girl definitely couldn't be my girlfriend but she's still pretty cute" I keep their number in my cell but I don't contact them first. However, I'm willing to move things along if girls like these do most of the work to get me out and about.

Finally - some girls just completely fail on the first date... nothing is going right with her, she's failing all my screens, is a very poor communicator, etc --- I just completely destroy these girls numbers and never look back =P

Anyway, the message is, if you're looking to text her for a second date - start by mentioning things talked about on the first date

 

[Marty]

Thanks Zphix, some helpful tips here.

We didn't talk about the "here and now" on our date, more about our likes and preferences, views and beliefs, passions and ambitions (well, hers mainly!), and sources of inspiration.

So in the end I opted for the warm voicemail message. I figured it's lower-effort and I get to showcase the confident, relaxed bass voice. If she'd picked up it might have been even better, however, we'll see how things develop!

-Marty