How to Toughen Up?

[Train]

Hey everyone,

Recently I spent some time with a friend of mine on a road trip. It made me realize some things. He's what you would call a "manly" man. Assertive, confident, vocal, etc.

It made me realize how timid, weak, and meek I am by comparison. In less fine words, kinda a "bitch" if that makes sense.

I was looking for things to do in order to toughen up more and the following came to mind:

• Martial Arts. I think learning to fight will give me "primal" confidence because I know I have power to exert in dire situations.
• Hanging around "manly" men. I think their dispositions could rub off on me if I spend enough time around them.
• Approaching/interacting with women regularly. I think this is one of those other things that can give me "primal" confidence. I.E. gaining confidence in an area that is hardwired into me.
• Being more direct, expressive in communication. Basically less inhibition in expressing my true thoughts and feelings.

What are your thoughts on these? Or your experiences in this sticking point?

 

[DarkKnight]

*You are not a "bitch" in my book. It's clear for me how hungry you are to change: This in itself makes you a manly man. I would recommend you to do some kickboxing or BJJ.. in the beginning you will feel weak but when you progress and newbs join the gym, you will notice how much stronger/ faster you are. This is a great confidence booster. So I think this is a great idea.

*Hanging around manly man can help but some macho men can be moronic and self defeating or just poseurs. It's good to have masculine friends but you have your own path to follow.

*Approaching makes you one of a kind and you will notice the envy of other people. It's hard to not feel alpha when you are better in this than others, lol. So yeah .

* Being direct helps but you have to calibrate this to the situation. You know this already of course.

* I would say keep your vitamin D levels and other possible deficiencies in check. The body tends to make you timid when you have lost sleep, or have not eaten or are worrying. Basically keep yourself at optimum as much as possible. Then you will have more testosterone. But in my opinion the other points are more essential.

 

[Train]

Thanks for the insights and encouragement, DK, much appreciated.

I will look for classes on those two areas. Approaching does feel alpha! Even my friend was impressed when I said I approached a group of boys/girls on a night out. He said even he doesn't do that .

 

[trashKENNUT]

Hanging around "manly" men

You mean guys that can't handle criticism? Hahaha!

They are worse than me. Lolx

 

[trashKENNUT]

Things to do to "man up":

Do things that is difficult for you. And slowly amp up that 'danger level'.

 

[Train]

Thanks Zac, that makes sense. That helped me with approaching by just asking girls for the time. Baby steps, haha

 

[DarkKnight]

Why Are 21st Century Men So Apathetic and Unmotivated?

Men of today have lost their motivation to build, fight, work, or get women. What's behind their lethargy, and how can you overcome this in yourself? We live in a distinctly unmotivated time. During the settling of the American continent, European settlers burst through with boundless energy...

www.girlschase.com

Chase's most recent article is wildly relevant too. I would relate to it and ask myself how you fit in the picture.

 

[trashKENNUT]

It's funny.

I need to address this. Because this is also manipulation, used. (Not referring to Chase as the manipulator, Haha)

According to many parents, I'm not "tough" despite I'm the one fixing things, and paying. I am also a guy that many parents love, if I play the "good guy".

According to girls, I'm too intimidating. I know too much (at least how they react and in social circles where they know this guy is his 'own man')

Accessing to young guys, I have so much to offer, whether that's cool stories, cool 'leadership'.

So yeah......
The internet save my life. So I'm not sure about what is "tough".

Darkknight brought up something. " How do you fit in the picture".

That statement is worth a million bucks to me.

"How tough do I look to Girlschase/tribe I am in" while discern the manipulation for investment...
"How tough I am generally" (middle ground between expectations, reality and history)

z@c+

 

[Train]

Good points, Zac. I can see how it's relative to demographics. I think the key is thriving in the demographics that I care about.

And it's worth it to think: What do I personally think is tough.

 

[DarkKnight]

It's funny.

"How tough do I look to Girlschase/tribe I am in" while discern the manipulation for investment...
"How tough I am generally" (middle ground between expectations, reality and history)

z@c+

It's sometimes easy to forget how super average or mediocre a lot of people are... I need wake up calls from time to time like Chase's article to understand how soft the regular guy really is. I think most of the board regulars (who are not busy whining) are quite rare and tough in personality.

Hell more than one of my friends have complained about the length of Chase's articles while I wanted to read more and more. What does this say about their quick fix mentality and lack of perseverance? It's baffling. I have always seen it as a great filter to what kind of guy we attract to these boards, lol

 

[Skills]

Hey everyone,

Recently I spent some time with a friend of mine on a road trip. It made me realize some things. He's what you would call a "manly" man. Assertive, confident, vocal, etc.

It made me realize how timid, weak, and meek I am by comparison. In less fine words, kinda a "bitch" if that makes sense.

I was looking for things to do in order to toughen up more and the following came to mind:

• Martial Arts. I think learning to fight will give me "primal" confidence because I know I have power to exert in dire situations.
• Hanging around "manly" men. I think their dispositions could rub off on me if I spend enough time around them.
• Approaching/interacting with women regularly. I think this is one of those other things that can give me "primal" confidence. I.E. gaining confidence in an area that is hardwired into me.
• Being more direct, expressive in communication. Basically less inhibition in expressing my true thoughts and feelings.

What are your thoughts on these? Or your experiences in this sticking point?

Gym. Working out and martial arts will toughen you up, also sells will be on top of any hierarchy, almost forgot cold approach

 

[hotsauce]

The Excruciating Bullet Ant Initiation Ritual Of The Mawé People [VIDEO]

The Mawé believe that any boy who wants to become a man must experience the worst pain the jungle has to offer: the sting of the bullet ant.

allthatsinteresting.com

 

[Train]

The Excruciating Bullet Ant Initiation Ritual Of The Mawé People [VIDEO]

The Mawé believe that any boy who wants to become a man must experience the worst pain the jungle has to offer: the sting of the bullet ant.

allthatsinteresting.com

Wow, can't imagine that kind of pain.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Make a habit of routinely putting yourself in uncomfortable situations that you have no need to do.

Physical stuff such as taking cold showers, exercising to exhaustion, fasting from food for a week

Mental stuff like meditating for 30 min., Working a 16hr day, eliminating bull shit distractions from your work

Social stuff like approaching girls that are with a guy and try to steal his girl, aggressive negotiate with employees on purchases not commonly negotiated for, ask cashier's for advice on any good swinger clubs you can swap your wife for the night since your getting tired of her (or any socially unacceptable funny story that makes ppl squirm), see if u can socially engineer your way into getting into VIP at the club w/out paying.

For a while I used to have a rule where any night out I had to approach one girl who was with another guy and try to game her in front of him. I usually target sets that weren't BF/GF and while I was never too successful I never got into a fight, most guys don't do anything.

Make a habit of doing 1 thing everyday that's uncomfortable.

 

[Train]

Thanks for the advice, Mr. Rob! It makes sense that lack of comfort is key. I need to remind myself to chase that. When I've reframed lack of comfort as a goal, it really helps versus seeing it as a nuisance because it's the key to the rewards I want (ripped body, strength, financial success, etc.).

 

[Mr.Rob]

Yeah also read the latest article by Chase for another perspective on this topic.

As RSD Derek says the caveman who can slay the scary tiger stalking the tribe will get more gratuitous blow jobs than the men comforting and reassuring the women making excuses to not step up and do what is scary.

RSD Derek is the master of "make a habit of putting yourself in high pressure social situations" .. if you can find some of his og content highly recommend for this topic.

 

[DarkKnight]

I have been thinking about this subject a bit while cycling.. We are all mentioning things Train can do, which is great ofcourse, but in hindsight... the things which brought greatest growth and toughness are situations I was involuntarily brought in. Those were the really make or break situations which had a great effect on my character. Ofcourse then the question is, how do you simulate such a situation, or is that even advisable? I guess in one way we are products of our circumstances.

(btw this is not me saying, you or I should not take action)

 

[Train]

That's a good point. Maybe it's putting ourselves in situations where those are most likely to occur.

I see what you are saying. Had a involuntary make-or-break moment in my job when I was wrecked by my own teammate(s). I could have quite or jumped out my balcony, but I stayed put.

But it can be undesirable to recreate moments like that.

 

[Mr.Rob]

You can definitely create situations like this. Navy Seals will tell you one of the toughest things they ever did was go thru seal training. A manufactured situation.

There was a guy on the boards @ray_zorse who used to buy a bus ticket to another city and bring a mattress and go do homeless pickup where either he pulled a girl or had to sleep in the street. Talk about getting leverage to hone your pickup skills when you know if u don't pull you're gonna be sleeping in the cold with a bunch of bums.

The key is it's gotta be some extreme shit.

Go fast for 2 days and spend the night in a forest and sleep on the dirt.

Go hike the replication of Shackleton's journey across South Georgia island.

Get creative, do something that resonates with you and commit to doing it.

Then when your life actually there real bull shit at you as DK says you'll be mentally prepared for it and react cool/calm while everyone else loses their shit

 

[Velasco]

Semper Virilis: A Roadmap to Manhood in the 21st Century

How to be a man in the 21st century, based on years of reading, research, and experience. Included are principles and actions that will make you a better man.

www.artofmanliness.com