How to turn my entertaining/social/enthusiastic side into something sexual?

[Prehistoric]

As I wrote on some previous post, since I was a kid I always had this natural positive entertaining side which tended to draw people to me. They all (well almost) liked me and they all wanted to be around me

But while I did get some girls using this trait of my personality, I slowly realized that

1) most girls want to be around be, even say I am cool, don't want me as the normal friend (the one they talk about their boyfriends) but they don't want to sleep with me either. They just want to be around me because they have fun the same way you go to the theater to see a comedian. And also because this side of me makes me make a lot of friends, and therefore it gives the girls the chance to meet new people, including other men, so paradoxically I end up being a kind of cupid, making people meet and mate.

2) some men, especially very masculine men, are very entertained but don't have very much manly respect for me. They don't see me as somebody on their level. The look at me the same way a football player would look at comedian. Funny guy, but couldn't stand a chance in a competition with me.

These two things started to frustrate me a lot and I decided recently that something had to be done.

This article
https://www.girlschase.com/content/makin ... ns-nothing
was truly enlightening. Definitely the most useful I found on this blog until now. I really could see myself while reading it.

On the other side, I was thinking

1) this is a deep natural side of me, it's not something I "learned" and that you can easily let go. It would be almost like cutting your arm off.
2) I don't want to give up to the idea that there must be a way to turn this thing around and converting it into something useful.

Lately I am starting to try turning my humor into cocky provocation, dark sarcasm and to use the energy coming from natural enthusiasm in a more aggressive way.

I have to say, while some girls were intimidated, I could see in some others a more sexual response.

But I am just experimenting at the moment.

It is obvious I also want to learn ENTIRELY NEW SKILLS and that these will probably make the real difference at the end, but one tool more is better than one tool less, isn' it, especially if I can start using it right away.

Any suggestions?

 

[Drck]

IMO, there is no need to change your personality, if you are friendly and outgoing you are friendly and outgoing and you should use it for your benefit.

Base on what you wrote you probably appear as too nice (Nice Guy). Masculine men ignore you because they are not threatened by you. As you wrote, you appear as too entertaining. Girls love funny guys, they hang around them all the time - but at the same time there is not much sexual attraction. She'd rather go and fuck some asshole who doesn't entertain her at all.

I'd try to inject more sexual talk into your interactions. Talk about banging, fucking, how a guy does it to girl and she loves it, and so on. This may rise your sexual value, I know a guy who has similar personality like you, he is a Nice Guy and very friendly, and he gets laid very often just by talking non-stop about sex.

You could also become more manly by doing more masculine things, improve dominance/leading, improve decision making (e.g. instead of "hey, can we go to the movies next week?" say "hey, I'm taking you to the movies on Sa"), improve assertiveness, become more serious and so on. I wouldn't see it as changing of your personality, rather adding to it...

My 2 cents...

 

[Prehistoric]

You're probably right.

Yesterday I was at a dinner with many people and I just tried to be myelf but to keep my cool, slow down the way I move and talk a little bit, make my voice deeper, making more emotional eye contact and keeping the conversation more on the girl and less on me, while making only a few "darker" jokes" (a little more bad boy than comedian) not to let the conversation die.

I have to say, the difference in reaction from girls (and from the waitress) was huge. A girl responded with very sweet eyes and then told me: maybe we'll see each other around (which I would have ignored in the past, but after reading Chase's article on signals of interests, I am thinking it might be one. On Sunday I'll ask her to drink something together during the week and I'll see what happens. And I know, I don't have to take anything personal.

I also wanted to ask you, because this change I am doing in my life leads me inevitably to meet different girls and to ask different girls out, maybe two on the same week, and because I realize I still have society`s rules affecting my internal way of functioning, how did you get over that "sense of guilt" that makes you feel "you're a bad person, even a criminal" if you see, date and have sex with more girls at the same time?

 

[Drck]

Guilt is quite extensive topic to talk about, but what the heck, I like to write.

A good way to look at guilt is to look at its causes. What causes guilt? There are couple of things that contribute to guilt feelings.

For example, from seduction point of view, we live in society saturated with Nice Guys. Most of us were thought to be gentleman, help girls, admire girls, make them feel great, buy lunches and stuff for them, protect them, take care of them, be good to them... Simply put them on pedestals. We (generally) were raised as White Knights, providers and protectors. Which is great, it makes logical sense - but at the same time, this behavior will make it difficult for you to get laid. Once you as an individual try to change this behavior, it may create difficulties in your life. Some of your friends may stop talking to you, perhaps even hate you for your success. You could create quite a few enemies fairly fast by your "different" behavior and so on. This could backfire at you - and you may eventually develop some hidden guilt about it.

Another thing related to guilt is religion. Christianity/Catholicism for example teaches to get married and stay married the whole life. It tells you that is is a sin to even think about other woman (10 commandments). It tells you to provide for that girl, be a 'good' man for the rest of your live. Again - just be a nice White Knight. It tells you if somebody hits you to the face you should show your other cheek, forgive and love your enemy, and so on. Well, it is all good philosophy and great for peace - but can a man be more submissive than that? Can he show more weakness? Being a loving man, forgiving man and peaceful man is all great - but from the stand point of view of seduction it is also quite unattractive. Women claim they desire saint, gentle, nice and carrying men - and they do, but as providers. The harsh reality is that many times they prefer to fuck with bad guys/assholes, with guys who ravish them, fuck the shit out of them - and then dump them...

So it is up to a guy if he wants to live in great illusion that religion created, or of he wants to live in reality...

Think about a GUILT that a young man must feel when he is raised amongst strict religious people, and at the same time he really likes girls. He will become anxious and neurotic, he will become perverted, he will become sexually frustrated because on one side he has all these believes in innocence and everlasting love with one girl, while at the same time he can't get laid, and perhaps he's not even able to get a date. He will be frustrated so much with rejections that porn will become natural solution to his frustration. Have a question how many billions of $$$ does porn industry make every single year? Good question, those who are satisfied with sex probably won't pay one dollar...

Anyway, with such frustration in his mind perhaps no girls will talk to him at all. Girls can feel it, they can feel 10x better than guys, and he already appears weird enough. There is a lot of frustration in many young men, they may not necessary be religious but even if they are atheists they are always saturated with the Niceness-ness that surrounds them. This Niceness-ness becomes part of his life, it became his internal belief. All the greatness actually became his nightmare because he did everything right - but he just can't get laid...

Another thing is - assuming that the guy is normal - he is naturally connected to the nice girl, he has natural feelings for her and of course he doesn't want to hurt her. So if she can get emotionally hurt by the fact that the guy sleeps with another girls, it will generate quite a guilt in him - if he thinks he is hurting her by sleeping with other girls.

So it is not easy for Normal Guy to deal with guilt, he is saturated with Niceness-ness and he has natural feelings for girls which don't allow him to hurt her.

From this stand point of view, true Bad Guys/Assholes have it much easier. They don't have the same connection to other people as Normal Guys. They are already 'not nice' because their internal beliefs are different. That's why they can get laid relatively easily, they just don't give a damn about others, and others don't expect much from them.

But nothing has to be just black or white, you don't have to be either an Asshole or a Nice Guy. You can be both - be the Normal Guy.

If a Normal Guy wants to get rid of guilt, he has to change his internal beliefs. His current belief is that sleeping with many girls is not right. New belief is: It is ok, girls actually prefer guys with more experience so they can feel comfortable and relaxed around. Girls compete with each other for attractive guy, competition and challenge excites them. A guy who sleeps with many girls has higher sexual value than guy who doesn't.

To get rid of guilt, he also has to "move away" from the crowd of Nice Guys, become more independent, more assertive, more relying on his own thinking. At the same time he doesn't have to go full Asshole. He has to remove those cute and innocent girls from the pedestal, perhaps even put himself on it. They are just girls, cute/silly and sexy but they are also people. Girls can take care of themselves, they are adults and they know exactly what are they doing, they know exactly what they want. They want sex and they love sex - unfortunately society of Nice Guys keeps very strict constrains on them as this society denies sex - which in real life screws everyone...

So the Bad Thing on this society of Nice Guys is that it is saturated with Niceness-ness which strongly influences each of us, it generates lots of guilt in guys and girls. The Great Thing is, that if you remove yourself from the pool of Nice Guys you won't really have much competition as far as seducing girls is concerned - 90% of all guys will simply 'disappear'...

 

[Prehistoric]

Yes, what you wrote makes perfect sense and deep down I even know it.

As you say, I have to get rid of some niceness. I am currently working on it.

The amazing thing I am noticing when I interact with people (non only girls I like) in a less nice way is that many people become nice with me. There must be some sort of unconscious process whereby assertiveness tends to generate submissiveness into others (in those cases where it doesn't generate competition).

For example, yesterday I walked into this fast food restaurant I use to go quite often to, although I hadn't been there for a long time recently. The waiter was in the past always quite rude with me. This time (because I am reading and experimenting all this stuff) I went in with a complete different posture, walk, facial expression and tone of voice. He looked like another person: smiling, politely asking me "what can I do for you?", and after I finished my meal, "Was it ok?".

Yesterday I also started reading Drac Von Stoller's book "No more Mr. Nice Guy" .

What led me to buy this book wasn't actually the desire for mating improvement, but the frustration towards the behavior some other men, including "friends", have had with me, bossing me around the whole time. This can actually be more frustrating than having rejections from girls.

I kinda feel the two things are connected anyway. The more I get assertive with other men, the more I get better with women and vice versa.

 

[Drck]

Yes, good job, nobody respects nice guys

 

[Prehistoric]

Of course I am trying to attract the women.

Other men, it just pisses me off those few who assume that, just because I am a "funny guy", they can start making fun. But that's another issue outside the realm of women, which I'll have to deal with separately.

 

[Mr.Rob]

Other men, it just pisses me off those few who assume that, just because I am a "funny guy", they can start making fun. But that's another issue outside the realm of women, which I'll have to deal with separately.

I personally think the cure to that is to not take yourself so seriously. Ideally you should be able to laugh at yourself the same way others laugh at you. Otherwise you show insecurity.

When you can do that it leaks into how you handle getting mocked/made fun of, and over time you handle it like one is supposed to and it rolls off your back like water on a ducks back.

-Rob