Socializing How To "Vibe" With Other Men (And Make New Friends)

Franco

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 14, 2012
Messages
3,642
Location
Southern California
Socializing with guys you just meet can sometimes be a bit intimidating, especially if you are more of an introvert. But learning how to socialize with men can bring you tons of good things: new friends, social proof, respect, as well as connections to people who can help you in all aspects of your life (including your career, women, events, etc). As a guy who's always had a lot of social success, I'd like to provide everyone with a few steps that can get you active in conversations with other men right away, and possibly leave you with a few new buddies to hang out or meet women with!

Follow these steps when meeting new men that you would like to socialize with and make a good impression on:

1) Listen. Especially if you are the new guy at the table and it is obvious that everyone else is already socially connected in some way, you don't want to be the guy who walks in and starts 'blabbing' away about your social endeavors or weekend activities. It's okay to walk in, shake everyone's hand, and an introduce yourself with a genuine smile (and in fact, I highly encourage it)! However, your overall goal for the first five to ten minutes of interaction is to listen. Get a feel for the people, the situation, and the social boundaries that are established in the initial conversation. Did anyone use profanity? Are they talking about work or weekend activities? Are these men with girlfriends or families, or are they single bachelors? Questions in your head like these can usually be answered (directly or indirectly) within the first few minutes of conversation.

2) Be warm. Until you feel like you've gathered enough social information to begin really participating actively in the conversation, make sure you are acknowledging everyone's presence and the flow of conversation as much as possible. If people are laughing, make sure you are at least smiling. If the conversation takes on a more serious tone, make sure you are at least throwing in the occasional "nod" or two to show the group that they have your attention and you understand what they are saying. You'd be surprised how just throwing in a nod here and there can really make the speaker feel like you completely understand him!

3) Interject and make your presence known. This can be the most difficult step for beginners who really haven't exposed themselves enough socially to grasp the tone and flow of conversation. At some point, though, you will need to step up and say something -- whether this be to the entire group or just to the person who is speaking. If you never say anything during the entire social gathering, no one will remember you!

There are a few good times to interject, and as you gain more experience, the timing of this will become much more natural to you. In the meantime, here are a couple of good reasons to interject:

  • a) You have something profound to say about the topic. This can be a really good way to grab everyone's attention and establish yourself as a man with a high level of knowledge and confidence. Often times, the speaker will even begin to focus his conversation on you and, before you know it, you will have everyone listening to what you have to say!

    b) You have something funny to say that is sure to generate some laughing. Again, a sense of humor is something that is developed through social experience and is something I consider to be "advanced." If you don't feel comfortable with your sense of humor, do not use this technique. Nothing screams "social inadequacy" like a dude who tries to say something funny and looks around the table "hoping" for someone to laugh.

4) Finally, abandon social hierarchies. Chase already covers this thoroughly in his article Guy Talk: Here's How To Kick Butt At Talking To Other Men, but you should never under any circumstances treat any individual as "lesser" or "greater" than you are. Every individual you meet is your equal. This is especially true with individuals who are "above" you in an established hierarchy such as your boss at your workplace. Who is your boss more likely to have a drink and shoot the shit with: the guy who treats him like a king, never speaks his mind, and obeys his every command? Or the guy who has excellent social skills, a good taste in beer selection, and likes to talk about fantasy football just as much as he does?

Just something to think about ;)

Cheers,

- Franco
 
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