Huge correlation between AFCs/Virgins and their relationships with their parents

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I have not only been picking this up from some of the users on this forum but also seeing it from some guys I know in real life who are awful with women. I am sure we've all known that guy who was just socially retarded when it came to women, awkward around them, and was just awful with them. PUA bootcamps are full of guys like these and this is something I have come to notice with AFCs and male virgins overtime. Almost all of the ones I've known had parents that didn't really give love. These guys didn't come from loving households, a lot of them had parents that were emotionally abusive and often held them down during their developmental (mostly and adolescent) years.

The one demographic I see this with a lot are Asian and Indian males, it's not a coincidence that these two groups are also largely represented in PUA and can often be found in bootcamps. At first, I was curious about this as well because I've had many Asian and Indian friends who struggled with women in general and had major confidence issues but then I found out that it had to do with their upbringings. A lot of my Asian and Indian friends told me about how they had parents that micromanaged their lives, limited them socially, pushed them into pursuing only academics (turning them into nerds), and as a result they missed out on a lot of their social life during their adolescent years but not only that, they say their parents' intrusion on their lives continued on to college.

I see the same kind of thing with almost all religious parents (Muslim and even White parents who are very religious), this almost always makes guys into AFCs or has them being awful with women.

With that being the case, what do you guys think can be done to help people like these who were late to develop due to the parenting that they went through?

 

[trashKENNUT]

Re: Huge correlation between AFCs/Virgins and their relationships with their par

Proactivity,

Are you talking about guys like me? Omg....

It's not easy. Coupled this with religion, this makes it pretty retarded when you are different from tradition and religion, The irony is that a lot of hypocrisy is among religious and traditional people. To add, Islam is one example whom appreciates sexuality in it's own form too, but i guess everyone interpret verses for their own gain and valid it with historical facts. This is modern society!

So everyone get fucked left and right, gets caught in the shuffle.

To make this worse, some guys go to "all guys high school", or that their parents are terrible. Just my thoughts!

Zac

 

[Drck]

Re: Huge correlation between AFCs/Virgins and their relationships with their par

There is a lot of truth in what you wrote, there is definitely difference between those who were raised in loving family vs those who grew up more emotionally neglected.

Based on people I know I could say that those who were more emotionally loved have it much easier connecting with others, specifically with girls. They have naturally bigger confidence, they are more open and friendly, more social. They understand others better. They had better grades in school, perhaps just because their parents took time to study with them. They also have less anxiety, they can "love" others in more mature way (e.g. not being so clingy, attached, dependent on others and so on). They can "give love" away easily because they already accepted enough through parents.

Emotionally deprived individuals have it more difficult in life. They are more anxious, more clingy, more dependent, and more immature. They have difficulties with connecting to others, they have difficulties with relationships, they get attached to the other person too easily, and if she breaks it up they may end up easily in depression for very long time. Their need is to "accept love", they don't have enough love to give it away...

One thing I noticed though is, that those who were more neglected are more "hungry" for success, at least some of them. They are more motivated to excell, to win, to learn on their own. It is as if the emotional deprivation was a motor for success. Perhaps they just want to "catch up" the emotional deprivation by proving themselves to others?

There is also obvious connection to crime and drug use of those who were neglected.

We all have some past we'd like to change. None of us can. Our parents did most likely all they could, given the situation they were in and given that they didn't know any better themselves. Perhaps all we can do is to accept it, embrace it. Learn meditation, learn relaxation and forgiveness. Learn how to stop beating yourself up over things that are already done. Learn to share more and open up more to other people, learn to give to others without desiring things or love back - and then simply move forward with our lives...

 

[Smith]

Re: Huge correlation between AFCs/Virgins and their relationships with their par

Hey proactivity,

With that being the case, what do you guys think can be done to help people like these who were late to develop due to the parenting that they went through?

I think you could help them understand that they're not their past/future and they're not their belief, and this could be hard because they've been told most of their lives that they're not good enough.
and help them unlearn everything they know socially and start from scratch. Most of the pickup/self development stuff is about removing your own fear.
The most important step would be taking action of course, and this will probably be the hardest step because they'll look for negative experience to validate their shitty past identity, so that's why it's important to remind them to not look to the past for identity and future for salvation, otherwise it will cause more unhappiness.
And MAKE SURE they keep focus on positive reference experience, even if only one girl out of every 10 gave them good reception.

 

[PrettyDecent]

Re: Huge correlation between AFCs/Virgins and their relationships with their par

Good response, right there ^

~Nick

 

[ILoveElla]

Re: Huge correlation between AFCs/Virgins and their relationships with their par

What are AFCs?

 

[Thedoctor]

Re: Huge correlation between AFCs/Virgins and their relationships with their par

ILoveElla,

What are AFCs?

Check out this post by Franco in the "Off Topic" section under "Forum Terminology." All of them are covered in there. AFC = Average Frustrated Chump.

Another trick is to search terms using urbandictionary.com

-John

 

[Franco]

Re: Huge correlation between AFCs/Virgins and their relationships with their par

Proactivity,

Chase just posted a great article last week basically covering this entire topic called Game Imbalance Hypothesis.

It's not so much that the parents didn't give them "love" as much as they focused their attention on academics and career (and often tried to keep them away from outside social influences). This is just the way more of the older generations from these backgrounds were raised, so they aren't purposely trying to inhibit their children from becoming successful with the opposite sex... they are just simply doing what they think is best (which isn't necessarily what is best, of course).

- Franco