Hurted girl in the beginning, now in a relationship

Ajvy

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Feb 14, 2020
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2
Hey, so my situation is this..

Started dating my gf around 3 months ago, and we got real close real quick. Since we both been with a lot of partners before, and particularly me during this period, she requested to be exclusive with dating only each other after 2 weeks. Allthough, I thought it was some kind of sick shittest from her side and that she kinda just played me, so I played along and continued seeing other girls behind her back. She slept over at my place like 5-6 days a week from the beginning. So everything went really fast. However, when she didn't I always made sure I had another girl keeping me comfortable at night.

The days go by and I start to really like this girl, and we've gotten pretty close really fast. She's fun, spontanious, great personality, kind soul and fucks like a pornstar so I decided to give it a shot and stopped seeing other women. One week after that she comes over at my place at night as usual, and she starts to ask about other girls when I was as most offguard(directly after sex).

So I tell her everything. That I had been with 2 other women during the time we were dating exclusive but I've ended it cause I got grounded in the fact that I really like her. She doesn't take it good ofc and that whole weekend was just a lot of questions and tears from her side and I was just understanding and calm. Letting her process it all and being there for her.

Long story short, this was around 2 months ago and now we're in a relationship. She's being very resentful and drama all the time and kinda doesn't take responsibility for her part of the relationship since I've "Done so much worse..!". During this time she has suggested breaking up, accepted friendrequest on Insta from a dude she fucked with, talked shit about me in front of people, got out with the story to our mutual friends and generally being naggy and happy speaking about other dudes she fucked with. On the other hand she feels miserable and heartbroken since I've lied a lot to her and been "cheating". I understand that, but I dont know how much understanding and empathy I have left since she gets under my skin all the time.

It is a lot of good as well ofc and I've tried to talk to her about my point of view but she's being really resentful about it and kinda doesn't get it. Last ten days or so I've started feeling very oppressed about it all and that is really not my style.

I know it is really not the best basis for a LTR,
But do you guys think we can we manage to get the relationship in pieces once again or is she just gonna cheat on me every chance she gets..? Note that she's been open to working through all problems and dramas before, and the resentfulness she puts out know have only been like 2-3 weeks.

Be Safe, A
 

DML

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 1, 2019
Messages
149
I'm not sure if I understand it correctly. Did you fuck with other girls while you were exclusive or just before? If it was just before, she can't say anything to it. She wasn't your gf at that point. Shit evolved, yes, but at that time you were just fucking. Tell her what you tolerate, and don't tolerate. When she starts with her drama you either ignore her, or tell her you don't like that, and if she please can be normal. Disqualify the behaviour you don't like, and qualify her on the behaviour you like.

tldr:
1. She's angry about you fucking other girls, flip that around and tell her that you weren't exclusive at the time, and therefore you did nothing wrong. Because you really didn't if the two of you werent in a relationship.
2. When she starts with the behaviour you don't like you tell her. If she can't tolerate that or doesn't change, she can fuck off.
 

Ajvy

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Joined
Feb 14, 2020
Messages
2
I'm not sure if I understand it correctly. Did you fuck with other girls while you were exclusive or just before? If it was just before, she can't say anything to it. She wasn't your gf at that point. Shit evolved, yes, but at that time you were just fucking. Tell her what you tolerate, and don't tolerate. When she starts with her drama you either ignore her, or tell her you don't like that, and if she please can be normal. Disqualify the behaviour you don't like, and qualify her on the behaviour you like.

tldr:
1. She's angry about you fucking other girls, flip that around and tell her that you weren't exclusive at the time, and therefore you did nothing wrong. Because you really didn't if the two of you werent in a relationship.
2. When she starts with the behaviour you don't like you tell her. If she can't tolerate that or doesn't change, she can fuck off.
We were "exclusive" in terms of dating. We told each other not to fuck around with other people while we were dating, but she was not my gf yet and I did fuck around.

Before we got official I told her about it all and from her point of view I've been cheating on her, since we had an agreement not to be with anyone else. Still she chose to continue and goes into a real relationship with me. Shouldn't call that cheating even if she's still a bit heartbroken from all the lies I pulled before telling her while she, in her own words, were in love with me.

Thanks for the advice dude. I appreciate it. Before I would just fucking say next and bang some other chick and forget about her. I'm 26 now and been gaming the last 7 years. But idk, I like her but generally not used to have this kinds of problems with girls I guess.
 
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