Hyposexual Girl -- What do I do?

[SteveUno]

If a girl is hyposexual (has a decreased sex drive and doesn't find sex all that interesting), how do I approach this?

The girl in question is only 20 and her attitude towards sex is very negative. Like guys just use girls for their bodies and walk away. Also, this girl has daddy issues.

Any advice?

 

[MisterX]

Yeah,

FInd out what type of cologne her daddy uses use the same one. And find out what her dad is like and be like him.



If he's aggressive and abusive,

If he's aloof and doesn't care about her,

If he's smothering and over protective.



And be like that.




That's what girls with daddy issues want. They want a younger version of their father, so if you want her - you act like he would.






Honestly I would stay away from a girl like that cause she seem too damaged and not worth it to me, but who I'm I to judge.


If you think she's worth it go for it.




But it's gonna be super hard work, cause from what you say she'll be almost impossible to escalate sexually fast. And if you start convincing her that you don't want sex, what does that make you? - just a friend!

So you'd have to take her on a lot of dates, become her boyfriend, and a few months later maybe she'll "give it up", but I can't promise you that your sex life will be any good.

 

[Richard]

Tough one, very tough man. Girls with issues like this take time, and I mean TIME, there is no over-the-weekend-technique, or one-day solution to fix this. Girls with low sex drive have usually had a bad sexual experience in their past and obsess over that one or those multiple incidents, and then use that as an excuse to not get close to anyone, or maintain a sexual relationship with anyone. On top of that, you say she has daddy issues, linking that together with her low sex drive, she may have been sexually abused by her father when she was younger, which will either cause her to be very sexual growing up, or not sexual at all (the whole make you or break you phenomenon). Anyway back to the problem, with all this in mind, you would have to devote alot of time to her, because you're taking a girl from negative to postive (on the sexual levels scale), instead of neutral to positive, or slightly positive to more positive, you're literally starting at the bottom and working her up to it, and it is time you could be using to find another girl. My advice to you is to move on from her, but, if you have your mind set on being with this girl, start slowly build a connection with her on whatever positive emotion you can get out of her, start a relationship with her, and baby-step your way into anything remotely sexual at all with her. Take the time to change her negative mentality by introducing positive stimuli into her life, if she starts to warm up, push forward.
-Best of luck to you,
Richard

 

[trashKENNUT]

If a girl is hyposexual (has a decreased sex drive and doesn't find sex all that interesting), how do I approach this?

The girl in question is only 20 and her attitude towards sex is very negative. Like guys just use girls for their bodies and walk away. Also, this girl has daddy issues.

Any advice?

See if this helps. Not sure about her daddy issues though. JUst Read from start.

viewtopic.php?f=5&t=1268#p7017

Zac

 

[Ross]

Everyone who posted before gives pretty good advice. The consensus seems to be, "You could probably get her, but it'd take time."

Believe it or not, there are ways to sleep with women without them logically wanting to. You just need really, really tight fundamentals and a very natural, implicit game. Do anything direct and her logical brain goes, "Man is trying to have sex. Experience and people have always told me men are pigs and just want to use me. Deny advances."

So, if you do everything the right way, she may be saying one thing, "Men are pigs!" but she KNOWS she's attracted to you. However, when you say this..

The girl in question is only 20 and her attitude towards sex is very negative. Like guys just use girls for their bodies and walk away. Also, this girl has daddy issues.

I usually think that you've known this girl for a while and have been trying to advance for a while. Therefore, you've already probably formed a solid label in her mind, and shaking that opinion of you won't come easily. You're going to have to correct a lot of things, which isn't a task you can accomplish without approaching and succeeding with other women.

So, get her into bed if you've recently met her and given her a good impression. If not, then quit trying to sleep with her as she has already labeled you as just another man and it would be counter-intuitive to continue trying for the sake of correcting your mistakes.

 

[Richard]

Ross, ordinarily I'd agree with you, and if you have immense natural game, with loads of implicit game it is possible, but what throws everything off for me, is the daddy issue, to me, that further pushes her boundaries away and makes any initial connection nearly impossible. Using implicit or natural game still requires contact, and some talking anyway which allows her to resort back to her initial idea of men being pigs. Like you said, it would take a hell of alot of natural and implicit game, and without loads of experience it's nearly impossible.

 

[Ross]

Ross, ordinarily I'd agree with you, and if you have immense natural game, with loads of implicit game it is possible, but what throws everything off for me, is the daddy issue, to me, that further pushes her boundaries away and makes any initial connection nearly impossible. Using implicit or natural game still requires contact, and some talking anyway which allows her to resort back to her initial idea of men being pigs. Like you said, it would take a hell of alot of natural and implicit game, and without loads of experience it's nearly impossible.

In this situation you wouldn't even need extremely high fundamentals. I've met plenty of women who are on their high horses about men, saying things such as, "Men are horrible. They just want to use you." There is a very, very big difference between saying things and actually learning about them. Imagine a man who believes and says that preppy girls are just gold diggers. He's never actually gotten into a relationship with them; he just says they are. Then he meets this preppy girl that somehow attracts him, sleeps with him, and gives him the best sex of his life. He may still say they are nothing good, but to cope with cognitive dissonance he'll say she isn't one of those types.

It's deeper than what they simply say. When people have contentious opinions that quite often don't make much sense, then they won't. I've slept with women who think men are horrible; everyone except (insert man here). There's always exceptions to their rules. And I suddenly became an exception.

 

[Richard]

I know what you mean, I've pulled women who used the same crutch that all men are bad except so and so... but I had to do so over a period of time and work my way into it, but hers wasn't so severe, in this case though, I'm linking her daddy issues to her mindset, and from my own experience, when you mix the two, the girl usually holds true to her mindset, I've had a couple friends come to me with these problems after I decided to study therapy

 

[Ross]

I'm linking her daddy issues to her mindset, and from my own experience, when you mix the two, the girl usually holds true to her mindset

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qq4cc6R50G0

She's explicitly not wanting to be with him, but she knows she wants to be with him. It's logic versus sex drive. Sex drive wins. I don't care how much I may oppose marketing; I'm still going to sleep with a Victoria's Secret model if she is seducing me like a master temptress.

I think the primary difference between my mindset and yours is that I believe that any woman can be won if things are done correctly. You seem to limit yourself by saying that if a woman has certain logical objections, that you have to stop, because she'll hold true to whatever she said. I don't care if she tells me she's a lesbian feminist who thinks men are the devil because her father was a drunk who was never around; if I find her attractive, I'm going to continue.

 

[Richard]

I don't know, in my pick up experience I have yet to meet a girl who has thrown a card like that at me so I don't know how I'd continue. I'm very good at reading a person at a first glance, and I've tested my accuracy with my initial readings and know almost on instinct what girls not to talk to, so, I don't necessarily limit myself, I'm actually not entirely sure.

 

[MisterX]

I don't care if she tells me she's a lesbian feminist who thinks men are the devil because her father was a drunk who was never around; if I find her attractive, I'm going to continue.

I don't know about that. It just seems like way to much work.

I mean she has to be to most beautiful girl I've seen in a while, have amazing body and more than amazing personality, for me to put up with so much sh#t and persist with a girl that to me appears to be "damaged goods".


There are simply to much hot girls, to try and "continue" with a "lesbian feminist who thinks men are the devil because her father was a drunk who was never around".



Maybe that's just me but why waste time on a girl with such deep issues when there are thousands upon thousands of gorgeous girls that don't have those issues and are nice cheerful and happy people."

 

[trashKENNUT]

I mean she has to be to most beautiful girl I've seen in a while, have amazing body and more than amazing personality, for me to put up with so much sh#t and persist with a girl that to me appears to be "damaged goods".

I guess that primarily is the motivation.

There are simply to much hot girls, to try and "continue" with a "lesbian feminist who thinks men are the devil because her father was a drunk who was never around".

PRobably do this only for experience. Everyone here has different thoughts and ways of doing things. Nice to see.

Zac

 

[SteveUno]

Great insights, guys.

Unfortunately, she IS an extremely gorgeous girl, amazing body, and probably the best personality I've seen in a girl. "Unfortunately" because I want to invest time in getting this chick.

The dad isn't around but sees her like a few times a year. They're close via Facebook and text each other a lot.

The dad actually broke up with his previous fiance because the fiance was jealous of the dad and the daughter's bond. She even made a joke about how the fiance thought the daughter and dad were like having a fling. Creepy, I know.

Also the dad knocked her mom up and got divorced shortly after. Furthermore, the dad is probably the source of why she thinks guys are the way they are.

 

[MisterX]

Great insights, guys.

Unfortunately, she IS an extremely gorgeous girl, amazing body, and probably the best personality I've seen in a girl. "Unfortunately" because I want to invest time in getting this chick.

The dad isn't around but sees her like a few times a year. They're close via Facebook and text each other a lot.

The dad actually broke up with his previous fiance because the fiance was jealous of the dad and the daughter's bond. She even made a joke about how the fiance thought the daughter and dad were like having a fling. Creepy, I know.

Also the dad knocked her mom up and got divorced shortly after. Furthermore, the dad is probably the source of why she thinks guys are the way they are.

This makes absolutely no sense to me..


She has amazing bond and relationship with her father, they are close and have amazing bond, BUT she thinks her father is a pig who only uses women for their bodies and this made her think all men were like him???

Something is off here, man.


I think she's just rejecting you by giving you bullsh#t about her attitude towards men.

She tells you she thinks men only want sex, because she wants to make you stop escalating cause she only wants you to be "just friends".





This is how it looks like to me, if you don't believe me, ask her on a date and talk about the two of you being together (not having sex but being romantically together) and see if she give you some kind of an excuse for why two of you can't be together.




If a girl likes you, there are no excuses to not be together, if she doesn't like you that way but is polite and doesn't want to hurt you, she'll just make up excuses.



Hope you listen to my advice and think about it, so you won't end up hurt

Take care.

 

[trashKENNUT]

There's something "off" here.

I mean about her dad, herself and the mum. Maybe you wanna rack up experience, but there's something "off" about the whole situation.

Zac

 

[Richard]

There's something "off" here.

I mean about her dad, herself and the mum. Maybe you wanna rack up experience, but there's something "off" about the whole situation.

Zac

This is the exact gut feeling I had when I first replied.

 

[SteveUno]

She never said that she thinks guys are pigs because of her dad. That's what I hypothesize. I know the divorce effects her big time. She certainly has a negative attitude towards men using women. At the same time, maybe a past boyfriend is why she thinks this, not because of her old man. Not sure.

I wouldn't ask her about getting into a relationship with me, because I'm with Chase in the idea that you should never bring that up with a woman. She should chase the relationship. And as Ricardus has written, if you want her to be your girlfriend, don't make it explicit. I've hooked up with her plenty of times but no sex.

 

[MisterX]

Maybe you've over thinking and seeing things that aren't there.

I mean YOU think that this is her attitude towards men and sex.


How do you know this isn't just a mask. You know a girl who's made by society to hide her sexual desires and pretend she isn't interested in sex, so she doesn't appear "easy"

I wouldn't ask her about getting into a relationship with me, because I'm with Chase in the idea that you should never bring that up with a woman. She should chase the relationship. And as Ricardus has written, if you want her to be your girlfriend, don't make it explicit.

I don't mean talk about being in a relationship, I said talk about being romantically together, meaning talk about her coming to your place at night to watch a movie, have dinner, etc.

I've hooked up with her plenty of times but no sex.

Okay, this changes things A LOT!


This may mean you either missed and escalation window and her attraction hast started expiring, or she's started to go into auto rejection, or maybe she like you and wants you to be her boyfriend - and that's shy she's taking it slow with sex, she doesn't want to "rush" things or appear "easy". This is the case when girls see you as "boyfriend material" they give you a lot of resistance towards sex the first month or so.





The only way for you to know that is to arrange a date with her (just the two of you) and since you know each other and have "hooked up" you should ask her to come to your place and she should agree.

Then you start kissing her, after some time you start kissing her jaw line, then go up a bit to the ear, then go down to her neck, then go down to her collar bone.
And see what happens.

If you make out and kiss each other, but every time you start going a bit down with you kisses, if she appears excited but nervous and putting up resistance - then you'll know that she wants you a s boyfriend and that's why she's putting up resistance towards sex.


If she doesn't want to come to your place, or you don't make out, etc. - you know that you're screwed and to just move on to the next girl.





Don't think she's the most beautiful girl with the best body and best personality. That's just putting her on a pedestal and that's WRONG!

I mean I doubt you've met or dated lots of girls (meaning at least 10 girls in the past year or so) to be thinking she's so special. That's just because you haven't got much experience.


I used to think that some girls were that special and rare, till I found out there are girls much more beautiful, with much better bodies, and with much greater personalities. And then I found out there a girls better then those. And at the end I found out that even the hottest girls are just people with normal people problems dreams, ambitions, feelings (well that one I'm working on since I've said it a few times that I have a problem of seeing girls as more than sex objects and as having feelings), jobs, studying, family, friends, hobbies.

They get more attention and want to be treated as normal people, well maybe not some divas they'd want special treatment.

 

[SteveUno]

MisterX,

Good advice, man! Yeah, I should have mentioned that we hooked up. When we kissed, it was like she was exhilarated. What do you make of that? Normal in a young chick, right?
In fact, she was trying to stick her tongue in waayyy more than I was, and I purposefully held back on the tongue to tease her a bit.

As for the pedestal thing, you're right. What's weirder is that I was able to keep her off the pedestal thanks to this site and abundance theory. However, I'm learning so much about what I really value in life through conversations I've had with her and what she's been through. I actually think she's an awesome person. So now I've noticed I keep putting her back on a pedestal. I knock her off the pedestal every now and then by consciously thinking that there are WAY better women out there and remembering the truth about the abundance of women.

 

[Richard]

From your last reply, it sounds like you want her not as a lay, but as a girlfriend. In one of my many talks with Light, him and I talked about selling yourself to a woman, finding out what she wants or truly desires and using that to build rapport through implicit value. Usually the man will find what the women wants and build around that, in your case however, by talking with her, you've found out more about yourself, and that implies great qualities in her. Honestly, your latest reply changed my opinion, it sound like she was in a bad relationship, and was afraid of connecting with men until she met you, the reason I say this is because she was using her tongue aggressively when kissing you, it shows that she wants to continue, follow MisterX's guidelines, establish a romantic date, and go from there.